Back to Day 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 218
Back to Day 1
Hi guys, it’s with shame, regret and anxiety that I have to post to say I am 7 hours after my last drink. I thought I could have just one having had a holiday where I managed to moderate with success. But like we all know what happens, this was short lived and the excess followed.
I am am back at work tomorrow. I feel so rubbish and can’t believe I did this to myself.
I am am back at work tomorrow. I feel so rubbish and can’t believe I did this to myself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Imagine doing that to yourself for ten years. That's what I did.
Welcome back. You don't have to hang your head, just pick yourself up and try again. Hopefully for the final time.
Moderation never worked for me, either. I couldn't believe what I was doing to myself, either. But I kept doing it. For a long time.
Keep your chin up. The anxiety, shame and regret will leave and you'll be given another chance.
There's not many things in life where we can say that.
Maybe it's time to try something different? Help, like AA or another program of recovery.
Best to you. I've been in your place a hundred times, and you never have to feel this way again.
Welcome back. You don't have to hang your head, just pick yourself up and try again. Hopefully for the final time.
Moderation never worked for me, either. I couldn't believe what I was doing to myself, either. But I kept doing it. For a long time.
Keep your chin up. The anxiety, shame and regret will leave and you'll be given another chance.
There's not many things in life where we can say that.
Maybe it's time to try something different? Help, like AA or another program of recovery.
Best to you. I've been in your place a hundred times, and you never have to feel this way again.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: nj
Posts: 470
Staying sober is the best way to get past your regret. Forgive yourself and take good care of yourself. Nothing will change the past, but you can certainly chart a new course for the future.
Wish you success!
Bonnie
Wish you success!
Bonnie
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,863
Getting it through our thick skulls that we can never have just one, no matter how long we have been sober, is one of the hardest lessons. Getting it through our thick skulls that we cannot moderate for long is another.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: MO
Posts: 46
Agree with the above. You can't beat yourself up and you have to forgive yourself.
Back in December I had a goal of moderation. Nope, I drank probably every day but 2 December 29th - February 22nd.
On day 2 now and I forgive myself and I'm not letting anyone convince me I am a bad person because I am alcoholic.
Back in December I had a goal of moderation. Nope, I drank probably every day but 2 December 29th - February 22nd.
On day 2 now and I forgive myself and I'm not letting anyone convince me I am a bad person because I am alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: The Emerald Isle
Posts: 38
You are not alone. I tried moderating on Friday, was finally starting to feel ok and all. But no it didn't work in the least, and here I am too sitting with lovely emotions of regret, anxiety, depression and shame before heading out into Monday....
But I know now how serious my problem is, how little control I have. Let's hope that it's the last time we have to feel this due to our choices with alcohol.
But I know now how serious my problem is, how little control I have. Let's hope that it's the last time we have to feel this due to our choices with alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 56
Yep you’re definitely not alone. I tried having one after 3 years sober, and now after a few months I’m on day 3. It was hard for me to get past the guilt, but sober up and get a few days and you’ll feel better. It’s sad that it happens, but it happens
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Welcome back Hopingwishing - I think most people have thought they might be able to moderate after a period of abstinence - they find out, like I did, that abstinence is not control.
Its actually a pretty valuable lessen to learn I think - we can have this great life - and all we have to do is give up drinking
D
Its actually a pretty valuable lessen to learn I think - we can have this great life - and all we have to do is give up drinking
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,057
Welcome back Hopingwishes.
You have tried and sadly failed at moderation so at least now you can stop romanticising that idea - a lesson learn't well.
Now you know whats needed and I am sure you can do it!
Keep posting
You have tried and sadly failed at moderation so at least now you can stop romanticising that idea - a lesson learn't well.
Now you know whats needed and I am sure you can do it!
Keep posting
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 3,501
Back to Day 1 for me too. I cracked on Friday after almost 3 weeks sober and of course ended up on another binge session on Friday, Saturday and yesterday. At least I had the sense to not drink until the early hours of each morning and in fact called it a day at 9pm last night. Of course that doesn't stop me from feeling a bit miserable about the whole thing as well as regretting spending money that would have been better spent on things for the house.
I came to the conclusion years ago that for me there is no such thing as moderation. Before my drinking became a problem it was easy to moderate because I didn't actually drink much. When it became a problem in my early 20s I just couldn't cut back down to my previous levels without making a concerted effort and after a while even a concerted effort didn't work.
I came to the conclusion years ago that for me there is no such thing as moderation. Before my drinking became a problem it was easy to moderate because I didn't actually drink much. When it became a problem in my early 20s I just couldn't cut back down to my previous levels without making a concerted effort and after a while even a concerted effort didn't work.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
I just have to remind myself of this big capital "T" Truth for me, as an alcoholic:
Moderation sucks.
Even when it's done "successfully," it's a tortuous affair... trying to figure out how much addictive poison I can consume without falling into a bender of hangover and withdrawals?
Also, real moderation (according to the CDC) is a max of 2 drinks in a 24-hour period, spaced out by one full hour.
Can you drink that and feel fine? Not me. A "glass of wine" does little more than give me a tension headache with anxiety and cravings to boot.
What the heck is the point?
To the OP, Hopingwishing, actually coming to use the word "alcoholic" for me has been very freeing. My brain and body have a horrible relationship with the substance -- but that's not because there's something "wrong" with me, or that I don't have willpower or personal strength.
It's pretty simple, actually, alcohol doesn't sit right with me -- in fact it's destructive, so I should never drink it.
I hope you'll join the February class -- class of the groundhog. It's a good crew.
Moderation sucks.
Even when it's done "successfully," it's a tortuous affair... trying to figure out how much addictive poison I can consume without falling into a bender of hangover and withdrawals?
Also, real moderation (according to the CDC) is a max of 2 drinks in a 24-hour period, spaced out by one full hour.
Can you drink that and feel fine? Not me. A "glass of wine" does little more than give me a tension headache with anxiety and cravings to boot.
What the heck is the point?
To the OP, Hopingwishing, actually coming to use the word "alcoholic" for me has been very freeing. My brain and body have a horrible relationship with the substance -- but that's not because there's something "wrong" with me, or that I don't have willpower or personal strength.
It's pretty simple, actually, alcohol doesn't sit right with me -- in fact it's destructive, so I should never drink it.
I hope you'll join the February class -- class of the groundhog. It's a good crew.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,413
We all try, and if we are alcoholics, we all fail at moderation.
Now you know for sure--abstaining is actually easier and more peaceful, especially now that you've confirmed for yourself moderation is simply not a viable option.
Dust yourself and make a new plan. In the end, you will find sobriety a wonderful gift even though it is scary to think about putting down the bottle for good.
Now you know for sure--abstaining is actually easier and more peaceful, especially now that you've confirmed for yourself moderation is simply not a viable option.
Dust yourself and make a new plan. In the end, you will find sobriety a wonderful gift even though it is scary to think about putting down the bottle for good.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 127
My "dry" that began on Jan. 2 ended with "just a couple" at dinner with friends on Feb. 9... culminating in a 2-week bender that I finally "broke" as of today. Or should I say last night, as when I woke up this morning and opened my tablet, I saw that the browser was open on Sober Recovery. After spending my Sunday swilling beer, bourbon, a mixed vodka drink and several swigs of red wine (the latter, straight from the bottle), I apparently decided to call it a night last night with some SR.
Thank goodness. I know I need a plan. Thank you, Hoping Wishing and all for the constant, heartfelt reminders.
Thank goodness. I know I need a plan. Thank you, Hoping Wishing and all for the constant, heartfelt reminders.
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