DreamCatcher17

My Mom also had 2 sides, sober her and drunk her. Oh how I can't stand the drunk her. Growing up with her was a rollercoaster. Now as an adult (and a recovering alcoholic myself) I have had to let that relationship go, she is toxic to myself and the life I have created for myself. I prefer a life of calm and peace which she can destroy in a matter of 1 word, Hi (when I can tell she has been drinking). It is so sad that I had to let that relationship go, but it is what is best for me. I hope one day she will be sober and I can then consider a relationship with her. Until that time, she is not welcome in my life.

I learned in order to succeed in this sober life (17 months as of yesterday) was that I had to want to be sober for ME and only me. If I can do that then my son will not have to suffer nor my finances, the people I surround myself with, my job, etc.... The list is endless.

So, if you want to be sober you start by admitting you have a problem with alcohol and you have to be honest with yourself. If there is an ounce of you that feels you do not have a problem, you will not succeed. You have to without a doubt know that you have a problem. From there you have to find ways to stay sober and fix the wreckage of your brain and rewire your thoughts about alcohol and find things to do when your AV decides to veer its head. A hobby, reading, coming here, AA, or any other form of recovery.
You can not go to the liquor store and buy the poison, or go to the pub or hang out with people who are drinking(until you are grounded within your sobriety. Some people choose to just stay away all together while some will hang out with friends on occasion). You stand firm on your decision and you work at it every single day, every min or second if you must.

From there your life will start to change, the people around you will see you are changing. Some may question you, or your motives or how long will this time last. But in that you have to find the strength to not pick up, to not drink at someone because they have upset you. You have to do this for you so everything else in life doesn't suffer.

The road to recovery is not easy, but it is so worth it. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!

Blessings,
DC

Hawkeye13

Good Morning Cali;

Just want to send you some support and encourage you to use this misery and pain as a positive channel for growth and change. Just because you haven't quit yet for good doesn't mean you won't quit for good. Don't quit quitting-- improve you plan and start again.

You are worth it, your son is worth it, and your relationship with your son is worth it.

What can you do today, right now, to improve your resistance to picking up that first drink?

What is the thing that hurts or that you want to numb that convinces you the drink is worth it, even though your mind knows better?

What outside support can you find today to help you get those first critical sober weeks?

Finally post here before you allow yourself any drinks, and make sure you get our permission first

lessgravity

As a father who took some time to get sober and who regrets so much of the time that I spent as a father while I was still drinking, I have both sympathy for you and a stern perspective on your decision to continue drinking. Nothing causes me more pain than thinking about what I may have inflicted upon my son during the years that I still drank. That regret and pain is major leverage for me in combating any possibility that might enter my mind of ever drinking again. So while I feel for you and the suffering that you put yourself through, I also know that you have the full ability to make a better decision for yourself and your family. That there's any part of you that thinks you can never drink again in your life is inconceivable to me. You need to work on completely vanquishing any consideration that you can ever have another sip of alcohol again. Until you do that the cycle will just continue and continue.

TheWayBack

"How messed up is this? I know most people have to hit rock bottom before they can stay on the path to sobriety."

I don't think most people HAVE TO hit rock bottom before fixing an addiction issue. But you definitely can and you definitely do not want to. So if you know you're on your way there, and sounds like you do, start fixing it now instead of waiting. Wish I had.

Dee74

How are you doing calibutterfly?

D

iamme31

Hawkeye13

How are you Cali? please update and let us know you are OK

WaterOx

Hi Cali. Maybe it's best to try and take an average of the responses together and try not to get stuck on any one post.

Some here play "bad cop" while most play "good", but I think you'll come to find that we are all in the same department and mean you well

August252015

That's definitely a lot of research into sobriety.

What are you willing to do using one of those programs or another if you choose, whatever plan of action - to actually choose to be at that point you describe? Indeed, addiction is wholly selfish and all that, we all know it - but we are the only ones who can stop using that excuse/justification/BS....and quit.

So?

ljc267

Imo, rock bottom is just the point in which you have had enough. For some that is precipitous fall to the gutter while others it is merely a realization that you can't go on drinking anymore. Either way, we all have to hit our own bottom before we will quit. Very few, if any, alcoholics quit drinking just because.

So the question is: Is this your bottom or do you have to fall more?

least

My rock bottom was just being sick and tired of waking up feeling horrible and hating myself. I don't wake up like that anymore.