Relapsed
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,643
YEP- a bummer.
BUT- you 'fessed up, are being honest with yourself and accountable by posting- that takes guts. You see what the quality of recovery is, are learning by your relapse and are moving on. You are not the same person you were when you first got sober pre those 3y...you have a lot more in the way of experience and thinking and tools to use.
Well done.
Keep posting.
Support to you.
BUT- you 'fessed up, are being honest with yourself and accountable by posting- that takes guts. You see what the quality of recovery is, are learning by your relapse and are moving on. You are not the same person you were when you first got sober pre those 3y...you have a lot more in the way of experience and thinking and tools to use.
Well done.
Keep posting.
Support to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 56
Thanks for that comment Phoenix. Saying i have guts got my eyes watering up, because lately I’ve felt like a gutless coward. And again thanks to everyone for giving a comment, it means so much to me. It’s 6:00 here now, so that means it’s almost bed time and I’ll be able to say I’m back on track. I really hate this happened, but that’s life and it’s time for me to put the work in. From the bottom of my heart I want to say thank you all so much, I’ll keep this post updated for a while until i feel totally solid again if that’s ok. Thank you a million times over
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Welcome back Lenono
John Lennon talked a lot about love but I think his thoughts are applicable to loving ourselves and recovery too?
“We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.”
I'm really glad you made it back
D
John Lennon talked a lot about love but I think his thoughts are applicable to loving ourselves and recovery too?
“We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.”
I'm really glad you made it back
D
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
Been there, done that.
I relapsed after 5 1/2 years sober when I thought that it would be ok to have a beer with my steak dinner in a restaurant. Bad idea. It was a done hill slide from there and it took me a year of on again, off again drinking to finally get, and stay, sober. Now it's been almost 9 years since my last drink.
Two things were keys to me finally getting sober.
The first was finding this website and become a daily visitor.
The second was finally giving up and trying AA.
So you've got the day off tomorrow. How about trying an AA meeting? You have nothing to lose except an addictive habit.
I relapsed after 5 1/2 years sober when I thought that it would be ok to have a beer with my steak dinner in a restaurant. Bad idea. It was a done hill slide from there and it took me a year of on again, off again drinking to finally get, and stay, sober. Now it's been almost 9 years since my last drink.
Two things were keys to me finally getting sober.
The first was finding this website and become a daily visitor.
The second was finally giving up and trying AA.
So you've got the day off tomorrow. How about trying an AA meeting? You have nothing to lose except an addictive habit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 56
Again I’m just thankful and soaking up the comments. I got through the day and now I’m enjoying a bath and going to head to bed. Not sure I’ll sleep too well, but I got through the day and that makes a huge difference for me psychologically. I was so scared and desperate this morning when i first posted, but I made it through the day. I can not thank you all enough. I think tomorrow will be even better
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Me too Lenono. 3 years sober and 2 not. The embarrassment kept me off here until embarrassment was the least of my problems. I am 7 days sober now so I'm starting over too.
I think guilt and shame is just another rotten gift from alcohol we can add to the list. Keeps us isolated and living in fear. I am working on changing those feelings to remorse. Remorse is a far more healthy way to move past a relapse and on to a better life in my opinion.
Glad you are back!!!
I think guilt and shame is just another rotten gift from alcohol we can add to the list. Keeps us isolated and living in fear. I am working on changing those feelings to remorse. Remorse is a far more healthy way to move past a relapse and on to a better life in my opinion.
Glad you are back!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Originally Posted by Lenono17 
Again I’m just thankful and soaking up the comments. I got through the day and now I’m enjoying a bath and going to head to bed. Not sure I’ll sleep too well, but I got through the day and that makes a huge difference for me psychologically. I was so scared and desperate this morning when i first posted, but I made it through the day. I can not thank you all enough. I think tomorrow will be even better
Originally Posted by Lenono17
I can’t believe you noticed my name and shared a John Lennon quote. Thank you so 🙏
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by 360shoes
Me too Lenono. 3 years sober and 2 not. The embarrassment kept me off here until embarrassment was the least of my problems. I am 7 days sober now so I'm starting over too.
I think guilt and shame is just another rotten gift from alcohol we can add to the list. Keeps us isolated and living in fear. I am working on changing those feelings to remorse. Remorse is a far more healthy way to move past a relapse and on to a better life in my opinion.
Glad you are back!!!
I think guilt and shame is just another rotten gift from alcohol we can add to the list. Keeps us isolated and living in fear. I am working on changing those feelings to remorse. Remorse is a far more healthy way to move past a relapse and on to a better life in my opinion.
Glad you are back!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Originally Posted by 360shoes
Me too Lenono. 3 years sober...... I am 7 days sober now so I'm starting over too...... Glad you are back!!!
The only thing I can change today is my attitude.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,643
We give ourselves guilt....it is useful- so long as we turn it into action. Just like anger can be used to fuel doing stuff..not just feeding it with more negative stuff.
The prob is- we are justifiably guilt ridden- but such negative feelings can actually prevent a healthy recovery.
That is why daily support at SR is so important to me, plus meetings to nt isolate and be around humans.
Keep posting.
The prob is- we are justifiably guilt ridden- but such negative feelings can actually prevent a healthy recovery.
That is why daily support at SR is so important to me, plus meetings to nt isolate and be around humans.
Keep posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 56
And that’s what’s been holding me back. My guilt just helped me feel sorry for myself and gave me some weird excuse to keep doing it. All the money I’ve wasted and weight I’ve gained piled onto that guilt. I’m determined not to drink today. Yesterday I was actually able to get some things accomplished and not be taking a two hour nap at 5pm. I’m so annoyed this happened but it’s tome to get to work
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 56
Well day 2 is basically finished with. This has really taught me that if this ever happens again I need to speak up and take the time to recover. There’s a concert I wanted to go tomorrow night but I’m going to take it easy, no need to risk it. But I’m feeling pretty good and like myself again. It gets so scary when you fall back into it, you get so desperate and you’re AV take over. Thank you all for the support, hopefully it keeps me back on track
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Nice job man.
Yes I can relate regarding guilt driving you back to the poison and then feeling more guilty and then believing that only the poison relieve the guilt. At least that's what the demon and the poison told me for so long. The truth is once you can get sober, as you know, that guilt can be dealt with, and your life can be treated properly. Congrats and keep it moving and keep us updated.
Yes I can relate regarding guilt driving you back to the poison and then feeling more guilty and then believing that only the poison relieve the guilt. At least that's what the demon and the poison told me for so long. The truth is once you can get sober, as you know, that guilt can be dealt with, and your life can be treated properly. Congrats and keep it moving and keep us updated.
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