G00SEM00SE

Dee74

I try to live in the present not the past.
No matter how much I try the past is closed to me - but I can do a lot with my today.

Making my life a kind of living amends worked for me. Eventually it just became the status quo - I'm not living right because I 'have' to, I'm living right because it's the right thing to do.

I hope in time you can forgive yourself. Hate the addiction, not the addicted

D

Canuck76

I struggle with the same thing and I get so worked up that I continue to drink in order to numb my emotions. A few beers and all the worry disappears. At least, until I sober up again....

lessgravity

Worrying about this used to be an excuse to drink again for me.

Once you put down the poison you have all the time energy and focus to make ammends and live the life you've been meaning to live.

G00SEM00SE

least

Yes, it's raw for a while. But with more sobriety, and working a good program, the guilt and shame fades.

The thing suggested that I do was to practice gratitude every day. It really helped me in all aspects of my life. It gave me a more positive outlook. Made me happier too.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0

August252015

AA. Working the steps, then living them. Best I can, every day.

One concrete thing I suggest: in AA, step 4 is listing all your resentments, fears, sex inventory, all of it. And owning your part. 5 is telling that to another person. If you do it completely, and honestly, it is very tough. I recall having a meltdown about a week after I did mine, calling my sponsor crying - she said that one way to deal with the hurts of the past I caused, to put it mildly, is to acknowledge them and quickly put them into a mental "box" of things you cannot change. They don't go away bc they happened and I did them - but I cannot keep the box open all the time.

Living in the present is indeed key, being grateful as least said, and making living amends by right action towards others in what I need to do now.

DreamCatcher17

I moved on. I am no longer that person.
I am not able to go back in history and change what I have done, what I said or whom I may have hurt.
Just by living every day a sober life, that is good enough for me.

Zebra1275

Memory loss.

Seriously, as time marches on new sober experiences replace the drunken escapades. And time has a way of healing a lot of things.

The steps of AA will also help, give them a try.

Anna

It's very hard, Goose, but it's so important for you to begin to forgive yourself. Otherwise, it can lead back to drinking again.

When I was struggling with forgiveness, I found that journalling helped. Somehow, putting the negative feelings on paper, helped to get them out of my head. And, you may find that forgiveness comes in stages and not all at once.

thomas11

Get, and stay sober. The sooner you do that, the sooner you start putting distance between your sober self and your bad acts. Time heals everything. I definitely know what you mean though.