hate myself and my life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 100
hate myself and my life
I got high with my friend on Saturday after work and it left me reeling on Sunday.
I've been sober most of the last 3 months only with a few slip ups but its been pure misery. The booze and drugs don't work like they used to.
I either isolate myself and stay sober and miserable or go out chasing a thrill. I've lost my confidence. Don't know what i'm doing with my life. Hate getting up in the morning and going to work. The day to day grind is so unfulfilling. How do people do this for a lifetime? I'm only 26 and have barely worked a year full time and absolutely hate it.
I feel like I'm headed for a breakdown. Life has never felt so meaningless and I'm not sure what to do to change it. This winter has been ******* killer. I see the flaws the addiction was masking and they seem almost impossible to fix. I have no motivation for anything. Its a miracle I can drag myself to work everyday. Some of my coworkers have noticed there's something off with me. I can't fake it like normal people.
I just want to escape these feelings and this hardship.
I've been sober most of the last 3 months only with a few slip ups but its been pure misery. The booze and drugs don't work like they used to.
I either isolate myself and stay sober and miserable or go out chasing a thrill. I've lost my confidence. Don't know what i'm doing with my life. Hate getting up in the morning and going to work. The day to day grind is so unfulfilling. How do people do this for a lifetime? I'm only 26 and have barely worked a year full time and absolutely hate it.
I feel like I'm headed for a breakdown. Life has never felt so meaningless and I'm not sure what to do to change it. This winter has been ******* killer. I see the flaws the addiction was masking and they seem almost impossible to fix. I have no motivation for anything. Its a miracle I can drag myself to work everyday. Some of my coworkers have noticed there's something off with me. I can't fake it like normal people.
I just want to escape these feelings and this hardship.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
I wonder if you've considered counselling. Since you stopped drinking, you seem to feel that you are seeing flaws and that you don't know how to fix them. It's possible that counselling would be able to help you with that.
Also, you might consider talking to your dr about depression. It could be that medication could help you.
Also, you might consider talking to your dr about depression. It could be that medication could help you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
some good advice here readyt0change 
If staying sober is a problem for you counselling is certainly an option.
Have you also considered meeting based things like AA, SMART, Lifering?
When you want to stop drinking, but can't achieve escape velocity, change is needed - and face to face support, of whatever kind, might help you stick to that change ?
D
If staying sober is a problem for you counselling is certainly an option.
Have you also considered meeting based things like AA, SMART, Lifering?
When you want to stop drinking, but can't achieve escape velocity, change is needed - and face to face support, of whatever kind, might help you stick to that change ?
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: nj
Posts: 470
True that alcohol and drugs won’t cure the flaws that you speak of and since you already know that, why bother with them? Where and how then will it end? Do you want it to?
It’s not simply a matter of getting through acute withdrawal.....it’s a matter of making the changes and connections that make it easier to get through the long haul. You are still withdrawaing and so it’s not time to evaluate your sobriety. It’s time to figure out how to abstain so that your emotions and your thinking become more stable. Maybe then you’ll find something in your life worthwhile.
As for the daily grind...it gets more doable over time. And when you feel better and have more energy, it’s less taxing. Until you can handle it better, can you work part-time? Can you take a day off every couple of weeks?
There are a lot of people here who will support you. I hope that you will choose sobriety
It’s not simply a matter of getting through acute withdrawal.....it’s a matter of making the changes and connections that make it easier to get through the long haul. You are still withdrawaing and so it’s not time to evaluate your sobriety. It’s time to figure out how to abstain so that your emotions and your thinking become more stable. Maybe then you’ll find something in your life worthwhile.
As for the daily grind...it gets more doable over time. And when you feel better and have more energy, it’s less taxing. Until you can handle it better, can you work part-time? Can you take a day off every couple of weeks?
There are a lot of people here who will support you. I hope that you will choose sobriety
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 39
Right there with you ready. I’m 28, drinking was out of control since 18. I was into anything but drinking was my crutch. Alcohol free since July, work life is so manageable. I was so far behind because ever since I graduated I’ve been just floating by. I had to learn how to do my job since cutting out alcohol in July. Luckily I observed a lot in those drinking days so I retained some. Just didn’t really know how to apply it. I still hate working for someone, but I’m more motivated to go solo. Drinking I never could have. It’s weird. Had to relearn how to do basic life skills, too. I’m just saying this because I agree with the person who said the 6th month mark comment. It’s a way better way of life 💯 My only program is to pop in to SR. Read stories like this. Reminds me of the past few years. What I was doing was not normal. Hands don’t shake at my keyboard anymore. **** is priceless! 🤙🤙 If I can do it, anyone can. Good luck Ready!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,746
When I was drinking, I hated myself. 
That was my first thought upon awakening - I hate myself. After I'd been sober for a while, and practicing gratitude every day, my self loathing went away. Drinking can make you depressed. Stop drinking and you have a chance to feel better. I also suggest professional help. I see a really good shrink and that's been very helpful to me.
That was my first thought upon awakening - I hate myself. After I'd been sober for a while, and practicing gratitude every day, my self loathing went away. Drinking can make you depressed. Stop drinking and you have a chance to feel better. I also suggest professional help. I see a really good shrink and that's been very helpful to me. Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,962
I echo what least said, and others here about the counseling suggestion. Therapy was one thing I did that made all the difference in keeping me sober. I really had to work on finding myself, having self compassion and finding my values and purpose.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I hated myself every "morning after" too. Learning a new way of life, and practicing it 24/7 made all the difference though. I needed new tools that would be used AFTER I put the alcohol down. I discovered that the real problem was that me trying to live in sobriety was what I wasn't good at. Logical right? Can't stand your life when you're sober so drink - problems solved. And that worked......until drunk-Mike wasn't bearable either.
Then I found I was in trouble. I hated drunk-Mike but then again I didn't like sober-Mike either. Time for a NEW-Mike. Turns out I found the REAL Mike that had been in hiding all along. It took a lot of work, a lot of looking, a lot of writing and a lot of actions I didn't want to take......... but I've gotten in touch with and mostly become the person I think I always was - deep down inside.
It's crazy.....I spent a lifetime trying to be who I thought I wanted to be all the while ignoring who I really was all along. I never achieved a version of me that I liked - until I found the real me and that guy's pretty cool in my book.
Then I found I was in trouble. I hated drunk-Mike but then again I didn't like sober-Mike either. Time for a NEW-Mike. Turns out I found the REAL Mike that had been in hiding all along. It took a lot of work, a lot of looking, a lot of writing and a lot of actions I didn't want to take......... but I've gotten in touch with and mostly become the person I think I always was - deep down inside.
It's crazy.....I spent a lifetime trying to be who I thought I wanted to be all the while ignoring who I really was all along. I never achieved a version of me that I liked - until I found the real me and that guy's pretty cool in my book.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 100
thank you guys.
its day 3 today.
whatever it takes. i won't give up. just about to head to work. and i know it probably take a year to fully stabilize. all day thoughts are floating in my head. full of self doubt and questioning every move i make.
i should be grateful that i even have a job.
its day 3 today.
whatever it takes. i won't give up. just about to head to work. and i know it probably take a year to fully stabilize. all day thoughts are floating in my head. full of self doubt and questioning every move i make.
i should be grateful that i even have a job.
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