Misspriss2734

My fiance is on day 6 of Rehab. For the last 6 months he has binged on Crack and put me through hell. He has broken things, got me in such a financial bind that I am working two jobs to help get us out, and called me every name under the book during his addiction. I know he loves me but he loved crack more. I am having a hard time knowing what to say to him while he is in rehab. I don't want to bring up every wrong thing he said or did to me but I also don't want him thinking I just forgive him and its all ok now.

WhoDeyPI

Unfortunately, I believe crack will always be his first love and his #1. I wish you both the best of luck, but you are aiming down a long hard road.

Anna

Hello, Miss!

I'm sorry for your situation. Maybe you don't need to say anything to him right now. It might be best to let him work on himself while he's in rehab. It might also be a good idea for you to consider AlAnon in your community, as a support for yourself.

least

I am sorry for what brings you here. I too would suggest that you let him do rehab and work on himself. We have a friends and family forum here you might find helpful.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...tance-abusers/

AAPJ

Looks like a rough start for a marriage. Think long and hard. The path you are taking has a lot of red flags. Take it from those of us who have been the cause of the problem.

ReadyAtLast

I would also urge caution. How will you feel when you have children and he is abusive to them and to you?

Misspriss2734

Thank you for your responses. He is already calling me telling me that he wants to come home. I am supposed to go visit on Saturday and now I don't want to because I know that it is going to be a fight. He says he wants to come home and go to NA "together". I am not ready for that. I want this time for him to get strong and for me to get back in a right frame of mind. I am so confused. I know who he can be when he is sober. I want that person back.

Meraviglioso

I know when I was in rehab (for alcohol) there were specific meetings set up with the psychologists to talk about these things. It was part of the program. They had one male and one female psychologist so as to come across as "even" Maybe you could suggest that he ask about something like that and wait to talk to him then, in front of the professionals.

sugarbear1

1. He needs to want recovery for himself, not for you.
2. His recovery is His; and only His. The recovery you have together will heal or break you. This depends on if you are both recovering on your own before you begin to recover together (like now) and if you are truly beginning to heal, but again, this takes time.
3. His recovery needs to be a priority over you for at least 5 years (in my experience or I go back and drink or use); ok, maybe a year......
4. You need Al Anon and to focus on your healing, or use a therapist. Something.

Healing is a slow process and can't be rushed. Heal and Heal well.
Peace and Love to You

trailmix

I agree with everyone else, his rehab is his, trying to detach from it will help you heal.

How much of yourself and your life are you willing to sacrifice to his crack addiction?

You didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it (the 3 c's). He needs a team of professionals and that is what he has, I hope he takes that help.

No need to rehash all the wrongs while he is there, as someone mentioned perhaps with professionals you might want to review at a later date. For now just letting him know you are taking time to heal and he needs those professionals, is perhaps enough to say.

If a visit on Saturday will end in a fight, why on earth would you go?

Maybe it's time to think about why you are considering marrying someone who is addicted to crack, maybe time to think about protecting yourself, you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

I would recommend picking up a copy of Codependant No More - by Melodie Beatty, it's well worth reading.

streetpizza

I'm going to kind of echo responses and just combine thoughts into one little post. Long-term, I would exercise caution. Short-term, while he's in rehab, I'd just let him do his own thing unless he reaches out, in which case just be a good listener. If there's something you need to say, it will probably be obvious to you.