Groundhog day
 

Monday...missed work, pissed again last night. Managed 3 days with no booze so celebrated and got smashed. Lying in bed having missed another day of work. New job 2 weeks in 2 Monday’s missed....feel terrible. How can I change my cycle of ****.

Lots of support here Groundhog. In fact, the February class here is a good place to start.

I remember not drinking for three days and then getting drunk to “celebrate.” But what’s the point in stomaching 3 days of withdrawal just to binge and repeat? Now it seems completely crazy — because it is! That’s a strong and active addiction urging you along.

Lots to work through at this stage, but you can do it.

Are you feeling like you want to give up drinking for good? What’s your plan for this week?

Keep posting :).

Hello, Groundhog. I guess I would ask if it was really a celebration? I didn't celebrate. I numbed. Lots of great support and examples here, bra. Is the life you have the life you want? The power to change it is in you, with help and support from others who have walked that path. As Evoo said, keep posting and reading.

Welcome Groundhog....keep trying! Join the February groundhog class!

It's definitely a rough cycle to be caught in, most of us have been there at one time too.

How do you change it? You make being sober your #1 priority - assuming that's what you want. And you accept that it's never OK to drink any amount of alcohol for any reason.

You also likely need a plan. Think of building a house - you don't just show up on a vacant lot empty handed and start. You have a goal ( the design of the house ) first. Then you have detailed drawings. You have to order all the materials, schedule to have them delivered, secure labor, and so on and so forth.

Getting sober is no different - quitting drinking itself is only the very first step.

Thanks all. Appreciate you taking time out to respond, reflected instantly and it wasn’t celebration. Will join Feb thread. My hope is to quit for a period and then controlled drinking. ATM and all my drinking life one means ten and oblivion. Maybe once a week. Is control a realistic goal? Again thanks for the comments. Hope all you guys are managing.

IME, if you have to hope to some day drink "normally" or non-alcoholically then you've already answered your question which is most likely no.
I think your plan has been tried by everyone on here and has always led to missing another Monday work day.

I can answer for me, Groundhog83.

9 years ago I posted on SoberRecovery looking for support with eventual “moderation management.” I was even quite defensive about it.

I pursued that path. First with 4-5 years of daily drinking to drunkenness and withdrawls/hangover constantly. Did it get a little better sometimes? Sure. Sometimes I was able to beat it down, go sober for long stretches, — as I developed more major responsibilities in my life and healthy relationships, even longer stretches. But ALWAYS I would slowly reintegrate alcohol until I was back where I started... very bad hangover, withdrawals, hiding alcohol, rinse, wash, repeat.

My alcohol voice was always telling me I could eventually moderate, that I wasn’t that “weak.”

What I’ve come to learn Groudhog, is that whatever drove me to post on a SoberRecovery forum 9 years ago was the behavior of an alcoholic crying out for help, then instantly rejecting it for my addiction.

I’m in a place of health now, but it’s from the realization that even “successful” moderation for a few years actually sucks. It’s not even fun. A single glass of wine gives me a headache, I always want more. My brain chemistry never reverts to someone who isn’t an alcoholic. Unless I’m abusing it, it’s always disappointing and risks me getting drunk and seeking out more (just for tonight, just this one time —- I mean, I’ve been so good lately, right?). Rationalization.

Hope that helps, that’s part of my story with it. I can sympathize with where you are right now.

And glad you’re here. That’s a big first step, honestly.

What makes you think quitting for a period of time will make any difference. I quit for 3.5 years then picked up again and now it's worse than it ever was.

don't mistake abstinence for control.

we all want to be able to control our drinking and moderate but it's not something you learn. you either drink normally or you don't. people who don't end up on here.

Groundhog, this is just my opinion, but if you can go back out and drink "normally" in moderation more power to ya. I can't. I know if I have one drink today or in a year or 5 years I will want to go right back to the races. That one drink will not be enough and the 30 or more that follow it will take me right back to the miserable cycle I was in. Much like Evoo I posted on SR for the first time several years ago. My goal was to get a little help and to get some of the people in my life off my back. I didn't want to quit drinking. I cannot tell you how much I wish I had the conviction then that I have now that I cannot drink ever again in any kind of moderated fashion. My life would be very different today than what it is, and I would have spared myself and others a tremendous amount of heartache, disappointment and misery. We each have to walk our own path. Mine is I am a textbook example of this journey ending in jail, in an institution or in death if I go back out.

I used to "celebrate" 1-2 days sober with a binge. It makes no sense, it's stupid, but that's what we are as addicts. That's a hard cycle to break, but once you break it, run fast and far. The way I see it is you have 2 choices at this point.

1- Say enough is enough, sober up, no more. Just stop it.
2- Keep up this little game, lose your job, hit a new rock bottom.

Groundhog, this is my 4th timegetting sober. I was sober for 9 years (then thought I could moderate/control...and went out on a 2 year nightmare); then 7 yrs. sober, (then thought I could moderate/control...and went out on another drunk nightmare); then 4 years sober ((then thought I could moderate/control...and went out for a shorter nightmare); and I could go on and on. For me, moderation is not an option.

There is a recent thread on here about moderation that you may find to be helpful. I also looked up "kindiling", AVRT. SMART RECOVERY, MODERATION MANAGEMENT, and lots of other programs. Interesting reads and many have face-to-face meetings. and then there's also AA....but maybe even an Al-Anon meeting, since it seems that you may be just beginning to understand this and figure out where you are on the continuum. Best of Luck!

"Is control a realistic goal?"
"all my drinking life one means ten and oblivion."

think you're answering your own question here, Groundhog.

During my worst drinking period, I didn't have a single day without a drink for about 2 years. I missed a lot of work too. I couldn't go a day without because of the withdrawal symptoms.

You made it to day 3, which is very difficult as a daily drinker. You hit day 3 again, keep going. Day 4 is pretty much clear sailing!

I had to give up my idea of control groundhog. I'd tried so many items over 20 year to drink 'like a gentleman' and alcohol always always kicked my butt.

I changed after that first drink - no matter what my good intent was, it went out the window when I started drinking... because I was insatiable for the stuff.

The only way out of the cycle is not to drink at all.

I know that's scary. It's like your whole life seems like it might slip away...that fear keeps a lot of us drinking and looking for the perfect moderation recipe...

but I can promise you the sober life you gain is more than worth it.

The initial period is not much fun, I'll admit - but it gets better - and you're not alone - you have support here.

Give it a go :)

D

If you don't buy it, you won't have it.
If you don't go to a bar, you won't drink it.
If you come here before ad post WHY you'll get support.

Focus on today and what you can do for yourself, just for today. A healthy choice.. A walk, read a book, find something to occupy your hand and brain so the thoughts of alcohol can go away quicker.

Do whatever it takes to NOT drink.

Everyone here has hoped for that at some stage. It will absolutely NEVER happen.

Doesn't get more simple, or more correct, than this.

You've already demonstrated you can't do "controlled drinking".

Don't feel bad--I couldn't either.

Bottom line is do you want to keep the job and get your life back?

You know what you need to do, and not just for a short time either.

Good luck

Just checking in to say hi this sober Tues. morning! Ended up just hanging out with hubby and watching movies yesterday. Took a nap, made dinner and lights out at 8:30! Great night's sleep! Lots of new names here this morning! Glad to "see" you all around here!