SkyBird

I want to post this so I can look back and remember what are hints that I may be susceptible to a relapse. For me it was not obvious- I went to a meeting the morning of my relapse and even called my sponsor. It was much sneakier than that. Here is what I think can lead me to a relapse:


-Feeling generally "unsatisfied" with life, or bored a lot of the time.
-Looking for external things (sugar, marijuana, CBD, new clothes, a vacation, a new pet) to make me happy
-Feeling irritable, restless, and discontent
-Thinking "maybe I can have a drink in 10 years" or "maybe I can drink at the airport and no one will know"

I really want to be aware of the triggers because I really want to stay strong this time!

MantaLady

I found it helpful to do a mindmap of my triggers and behaviours that might lead me to replase. I look at it regularly and if I tick more than 5 boxes I act and see what I can do to change my thinking or behaviour so more boxes don't get ticked without me noticing.

Relapse indicators can be wide ranging but here are some for me:

-Thinking I "might be able to drink one day" - This is a biggie as when I think this I know I have to re-surrender to the process.
- Not following my plan
- Thinking I can do it on my own
- Not reaching out for help when I need it and keeping it all in
- Missing a meeting for whatever reason (too tired, too busy etc)
- Running on self will
- Being quick to react emotionally instead of taking a breath and creating space between action and reaction
- Romantacising past drinking (euphoric recall)
- Spending more time with other drinkers or reconnecting with old drinking buddies
- Becoming defensive to others comments
- Negative thinking
- Becoming complacent or over-confident in my recovery
- Getting annoyed or angry too easily
- Isolating
- Putting myself in risky situations (like going to the pub or somewhere only drinking is the main reason to be there or going to visit specific friends who I know will be drinking)
- Starting to question if I am really an alcoholic so moving back into Denial

There are so many but that is my starter for 10!! xx

wildflower70

Hanging around old places I used to drink, reconnecting with people that I know are drinking. Falling back into old habits and routines.

ScottFromWI

I drank all day every day, so the only "trigger" i needed was being awake for the most part.

For me my addiction was all about escape / avoidance of anything that made me uncomfortable. You mention that in your post about wanting something external to "make you happy" which I think is very closely tied to that. I think a big part of sobriety is to also accept that life simply isn't about being "happy" all the time. It's impossible really - even the happiest/cheeriest people you can possibly imagine have bad days. The difference between us ( addicts ) and others is that our default response to feeling bad is to get high/drunk to hope that the bad feelings go away. But in the end they never do - and they usually come back worse than we left them when we sober up.

WhoDeyPI

Good topic...

Here is what I think can lead me to a relapse:

-Boredom is always #1 for me. I stay very busy for the most part, but when I have some down time on the weekends I've had thoughts like:

"wouldn't reading be more relaxing with wine?"
"maybe a few beers wouldn't hurt while watching the game"
"wouldn't this movie be fun with a glass of good whisky?"

-Wanting external things is also big with me:

"Having a dog would make me more active"
"I've never smoked weed, but that won't hurt my liver right?"
"ICE CREAMMMMMM!"

-Looking forward to drinking "someday":

"Maybe like 1 day this summer I can drink at a pool party, just once.."

WaterOx

Fantastic thread...I'll be following this....

I agree with the boredom one. I have found being busy a good antidote to cravings.
Also, the feeling of "what the hell is it all about anyways" is never a good sign for me- as it has been much for the past week lol- so I'm doing my best to stay on top of that.

Thanks for starting the topic, SkyBird.

CRRHCC

Here is what I have learned after more than 4 decades of making my purpose in life escaping my feelings with drugs and alcohol:

Addictive behavior is never random. There is always a reason and a reward. You can't get addicted to a substance or behavior that you have not learned does something for you!

Relapses are always precipitated by the same feelings/emotions, that caused me to drink in the first place. Reasons for drinking are driven by emotional factors, usually feelings of intolerable helplessness. Specifically, when circumstances in life make me feel emotionally frustrated, overwhelmed, helpless, trapped and out of control.

Addicts simply regain control, empower themselves with a quick fix or mood changer of drugs or other behaviors. It does not have to be this way. Replace your quick fix or mood changer with something healthy that you value! Empower yourself and regain control of your feelings your emotions with a behavior that is of, "High Value," to you.
People change when they hurt enough and have to or when they learn enough and want to. People change when they are motivated to change, when their values trump their addiction.

zerothehero

For me the biggest risk used to come when I allowed the possibility of relapse to enter my mind. I've been over five years sober this time (and forever) because I replaced "I won't drink/use today" with "NEVER AGAIN."

CupofJoe

Ditto to what zerothehero said.

I've been sober for almost nine years and it's because I've stopped worrying about triggers and relapses. I don't drink. Period.

I'm not trying to discount how hard it is and I'm thrilled that you're here and not continuing to drink.

But for me, trying to find the perfect situation to keep me safe from drinking kept me finding reasons to drink. I was bored. I was emotionally frustrated. I was an alcoholic and so I was doomed to keep drinking. I missed a meeting. I went to a meeting and was triggered. Etc.

I did have to change a lot and find new ways of living. I had to find new ways of dealing with boredom, frustration, loneliness, sadness, etc. It's hard.

But to get better, I had to maintain that I would not drink under any circumstance ever. Period. The end. And follow through.

Just my experience.

What happened when you drank? What made you decide to drink again? What could you have done differently?

I wish you well and am very glad you're here.

tomsteve

them relapses end with a drink. two things i can think of off the top of my head that can put me in relapse:
harboring a resentment and
resting on my laurels.

dafunbra

I isolate. I quit calling my sponsor. I quit doing things. I just sit alone and in my head and then wonder why I want all those negative feelings to stop and I know how I can make them stop. Today I work pretty hard at staying busy. I rarely turn the TV on and sit down in front of it until late at night. I don't want to relapse. It took me getting to the place where I wanted to not drink more than I wanted to drink before I could stop. I work pretty hard to stay in that place.

Hawkeye13

I isolate too, and justify, and make a deal to "limit" myself, and I typically am wanting to drink in response to some emotional pain / discomfort that I don't want to let surface to feel.

I just want out and away from myself and my life.

Yet if I can stay with whatever is bothering me, and just let it go through and feel whatever I need to feel, acknowledge whatever it is that wants to be heard, I pretty much always feel relief and actually so much better than if I had had the drink(s).

In fact, I'm just getting through an episode of that right now--an outside stress event over which I have no control happened a few minutes ago, and I felt that funny awful ache in my gut and began pushing it down and that started a craving.

But I let the feeling well up and tuned into the discomfort, and gave it my full attention.

Now it is ebbing away, and my craving to drink alcohol has abated as well.

Here I am with my decaf French roast, feeling peaceful once more.

Evoo

Oddly enough, one big trigger here that isn’t mentioned for me is health-related.

When do I feel good, or I start getting a bad cold or flu — I crave alcohol.

If I start getting a Crohn’s Disease flare — I crave alcohol.

If I throw out my back or slip a disc (I throw out my back a couple times a year) — I crave alcohol.

That’s why I really do still need a plan for those moments. It’s easier for me to be sober when I’m healthy, active, working out regularly, eating a healthy diet...

But the second I’m sick or immobile, I can track that to some of my worst relapses. The anxiety of being sick or sedentary just wrecks me — don’t have a lot of good coping mechanisms for that.

I’m also worried about what I would do in a situation where I were grieving. That’s a trigger, also.

bexxed

Holding resentment
Forgetting Gratitude
Getting immersed in ego/hubris

That’s what I can think of right now.

It’s weird because sometimes I stop through this forum and think “meh, nothing here for me, what am I doing” and that’s exactly when I need to be here. Then I see a post like the one I saw before this one, written by someone who had three years and then went back out for two and tore apart their life and almost didn’t make it back. Or the guy who hurt people in a car accident and is facing jail time. Or others who are struggling so hard to get their footing... and I’m humbled because as I read the words I can vividly imagine writing them, because I’m absolutely no different. Coming here forces me to be honest with myself, and that’s how I take tomsteve’s “resting on my laurels” to mean.

Gettingcloser

My alcoholic cravings were very powerful and would not be ignored. They came out of nowhere. I would be having a great day, no issues and suddenly there it was demanding to be appeased.
I can't believe that the consequences of picking up again did not matter. My mind had one track in that moment and I always gave in.
Then one day I realized I didn't want this to be the rest of my life so I fought back and suffered through those awful cravings and was surprised at how much more manageable it got after I won a few battles.

Guener

I am familiar with many of these feelings that I see as risks, but for me generally they fall into categories:

* Disordered thinking
* Emotional error
* Evasion
* Selective memory
* Inattention

Usually these things come in combinations when I have relapsed.

JimiC

Definitely complacency for me. Below is something I saved in my plan and is a good read.


I think it is VERY important to remember relapse happens way before the first drink. Recognizing that and being able to reach out and double down the efforts on our sobriety plan becomes a little easier if we can remember or recognize our own signs of being on the relapse ladder.

Relapse is at the top of a nine step ladder of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The lowest rung is called happy memories. "Happy memories" means that you are thinking about the good times you had while you were drinking.

The next rung up is called "I wasn't that bad." This occurs when you tell yourself you weren't really that bad, that your addiction was someone else's fault that your problem was caused by anything except your disease.

The next rung higher is stopping treatment. This means that you cease going to meetings, you stop practicing the steps, you don't have time to see your therapist, you stop talking to your sponsor, and you don't do your daily meditation. When you stop treatment, you pretend that you can stay sober by doing nothing.

The fourth rung is called high risk situations. Examples are you return to the bar that you used to frequent, you begin hanging out with your old using friends, you spend long periods of time isolating in the basement where you used to drink vodka. You put yourself in these situations not thinking that you will use there, but just to experience the feeling of being there again.

The fifth rung is called, emotional imbalance. During emotional imbalance, something causes you to get really angry, irritated or otherwise emotional and you remember how your drug, drink or behavior took away the pain of the emotion. You may even get really happy and you remember how you always drank to celebrate. Now you are really getting higher on the ladder, and like any ladder, the higher you go, the more dangerous the climb. Also, the higher you go, the more committed you are to reaching the top.

The sixth rung is fantasizing. Now, you are spending increasing periods of your day thinking about drinking for no apparent reason.

Fantasizing leads to the seventh rung, getting ready to use. This means you intend to drink and you plan how you are going to relapse. You tell yourself that tonight when my wife is asleep, I am going to sneak out to the bar. You make arrangements to buy drugs. You return to the internet porn site. You get dressed to go to the casino. You think through the exact steps of where you are going to go to get your drugs, drink, or act out.

On the next rung, you actually get the drink. You acquire the tools of relapse. On this rung, you may feel a terrible panic, and unless you reach out to someone (which is now incredibly difficult to do because you are so committed to reaching the top), you step up to the final and ninth rung which is Relapse . As you know, the Relapse rung has a crack in it and cannot bear your weight. So you come crashing down. Sometimes the crash happens immediately. Sometimes, the crack worsens over time. But since there is a crack, you will fall. If you survive the fall, you will feel guilt at having relapsed. You will resolve to stop using. And unless you get treatment, you will start the terrible climb back up the relapse ladder beginning with the first rung which is...

If you are on the Relapse Ladder, you need to get off on the lowest rung possible BY TELLING ON YOUR DISEASE! Remember there are two parties involved in a relapse. There is you and there is your disease. If you tell someone that you may be on the Relapse Ladder, you are telling on your disease, not you.

So, ask yourself if you are on any of the nine rungs. If so, say to yourself, "I must get off the ladder now" five times to yourself with increasing emphasis. Then pick up the phone and tell your trusted friend, confidant, therapist, or mentor which rung of the ladder you are on and that you want to get off. (Leaving a voicemail message also works). If you can’t connect with someone, read your recovery literature, pray to your Higher Power, write down which rung you are on and list the consequences which made you want to get sober in the first place. Do something recovery oriented and don't substitute your drug of choice with another drug or bad behavior lest you start a new addiction. Then try to connect with a supportive person as soon as possible. This process works regardless of your philosophical or religious beliefs.

Remember, sharing with another doesn’t mean that you only reach out when you have a recognizable craving or urge to use. Sharing means that you reach out and discuss where you may be on the Relapse Ladder.

Lascaux

Brilliant post, JimiC, thank you! Loneliness is my primary trigger but I touch each step of that ladder every time I've relapsed, it's almost a ritual. I'm going to print this out as a reminder of what to avoid.

August252015

I don't believe in triggers. I think anything labeled as such is an excuse with a different name.

Honesty - about everything, including my mental and emotional state each and every day is the crux of the matter.

My focus is emotional sobriety, as I have said a million times here and IRL. That's what I take care of - and physical sobriety is a non-issue.

There is nothing that could justify me drinking, and I do the right things to keep me sane, SAFE, healthy, and stable every day.

It's simply not about the alcohol.

I'm not being glib nor dismissing anyone's perspective on this. However, every single external trigger anyone has described above is something I do not do. I gauge my "life ability" every day- and if I need to, I self correct. That can be a few days without a meeting, or only two some week. It is a max of 7-10 days struggling with depression or emotional upset - and I let my husband know at the beginning what is going on. I...

To any lengths, at any costs. And honestly? This lifestyle is my norm. It is what is for this alcoholic and all that I just described is usually much easier than it is difficult, but I know what to do when difficult happens.

I don't have another white chip in me. Period.

nmd

For myself it began with resentment that i cannot drink followed by euphoric recall or romanticising drinking as mentioned by others above. Wanting that glass of wine with dinner or frozen drink on a hot day. Feeling angry about something in my life and wanting a drink to relax. Wanting to reward myself on a birthday or holiday or vacation.

I didnt isolate as much as i separated myself from my recovery and all accountability. I stopped sharing, posting and committing to being sober. Maybe i had a drink and was still connected.to recovery, but decided i wouldn't tell anyone because that would be it and i wouldn't drink any more from then on; I'd just quietly adjust my sober date forward in the future and no one would have to know. Or keep two dates. Usually that lead to me drinking again and me realizing it wasnt just a one time thing. From there i would start thinking about how to control the drinking, how to moderate. Maybe I'd only buy a six pack once a week and keep it at that. It didnt stay that way though, drinking saps all motovation away and drinking took control again.