Meraviglioso

So, I finally made the decision. The outpatient rehab place is for it, my ex is for it, my moms are for it, my sons are for it.... My psychologist is not so convinced. But I don't care, I am going. It is true I am not in the state I was when I went before, drinking all day, every day, morning to night, 3+ bottles of wine a day. I now go a good period of time, months even, and then have a day or two relapse. But these relapses are becoming more and more damaging- a DUI, lost trust with my children, etc. I cannot live like this anymore.
On paper I am perfect. My blood work came back absolutely pristine, my CDT values were in the "non-drinker" category, my hair test going back six months put me in the "non-drinker" category. All of my twice weekly urine tests have come back negative. But I am losing the plot, playing the game. I have figured I can have a glass of wine, maybe two, immediately after my tuesday urine test then drink crap loads of water and exercise like a maniac for the rest of the afternoon, Wednesday and Thursday until my test on Friday. This is psychotic and sick. I am an absolute sick manipulative, horrible maniac to do this.
Enough.
I need help. Again.

ChloeRose63

You know what's best for you. Glad you have your family's support!
We are always here for you, too!♡

yinzer

If it helps, then you should do it! Good on ya! I played that game for years after I first quit. “Successful moderation” from the outside. But way too much of my life caught up in alcohol.

Flower2327

That sounds like a wise decision. Good luck! It was so freeing when I realized I could totally opt out of The Game by not drinking; no more worrying about how much I could drink and still get to work, what I said/did while drunk, if I had enough in the house to last the night, etc. It might sound melodramatic, but I do like to say I was "reborn" when I got sober, because that previous life belonged to another person (a scared, sick, sad, stuck one), or at least it feels that way.

MantaLady

If it feels right Mera then do it. Make the most of everyday there and looks after yourself xx

lessgravity

Whatever it takes Mera. You know you have lots of support and people rooting for you, here and in your life.

Anna

I hope this helps you, Mera.

Soberwolf

ScottFromWI

Whatever it takes Mera. Keep in the back of your mind that what needs to happen is that you need to change while you are doing this. Even inpatient rehab is only a vehicle or a blueprint to the result you want. At the end of the day it's about your choices - so learn and use everything you learn to your advantage.

Dee74

I'm glad you've made a proactive decision for your recovery Mera
Best wishes

D

Meraviglioso

I really think it is the best decision at this point. I can't seem to break this cycle and there is a lot of mental health stuff going on in the background too. At this place they work on that as well. They also have a new program, 15 days in, 15 days out and then back for 15 days. The doctor explained this gives you a start and some tools, then the opportunity to return to real life and use them then go back and talk about how it went, what worked, what didn't, etc. We'll see.

Caramel

Best wishes always, Mera

Evoo

Great stuff. Glad you are seeking that help.

I too had eventually “figured out” how to go from being a daily drinker to falling off and on the sober wagon with fad diets and intensive excercize programs — with gradual slips back into moderation followed but quick and ugly relapse/recovery. Rinse, wash, repeat.

Tired of wrestling with “moderation” though, and it sounds like you are too. You don’t have to drink again.

I do hope you keep posting throug the rehab. I’ve never experienced any kind of professional treatment or detox, and I’m thinking more that it’s something I wish I had done earlier in my darkest places. I may have learned something or quit even sooner. Would love to hear your takeaways.

Stay well —

Guener

As somebody who has done both in house rehab (4 weeks) and outpatient (28 weeks), I found the IOP version at least as helpful for me, it's all what you make of it.

PhoenixJ

Good for you. Take pride in your decision (as I feel for you, and all who TRY).
There is a (almost) cliché in meetings (quoted from A Einstein) that reads ' the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same things and expecting a different result'.
Keep posting- rehabs are good- for those people who go in with a want/need to heal- not because they are in denial...but truly want to get better.. like you.
My prayers and support to you...many people do not get this far...a great milestone.

BlueWellies

Sounds like a great plan, Mera. Best wishes to you!

Meraviglioso

I really appreciate the supportive comments. I feel a bit spoiled that I can do something like this when so many others are suffering without help. But I MUST do this for my kids. And for me. I am not as bad as I once was, but for me, any drinking, in any quantity, in any frequency, is bad. I need help to stop.

Mango212

Gratitude prayers might help with feeling satisfaction about your choice rather than spoiled. Others have many opportunities too, simply different ones.

Being thankful for what we have in this day goes a long way in recovery.

Good luck!!

Hawkeye13

You can stop for good and you will Mera--you've learned so much, and things are so much better then they were.

Now for the next step, and your willingness will be the magic that gets you there

Midwest1981

best of luck Mera!