lessgravity

that I am going to but already not exactly looking forward to. Huge gorgeous house rented in the mountains on a lake. There will be plenty to enjoy re: the scenery, some skiing etc - however there will also be plenty to avoid re: copious consumption of alcohol.

I'm not going to drink, there is simply no chance. But I'm also posting here because I think it makes a difference for me mentally to have things out and hear back from SR regardless.

Onward and upward my friends. Sober is as sober does.

Dee74

Hi Less

I'm not going to tell you not to go - you're at the point now where you can gauge the relative merits of a situation.

but...a weekend away with no escape built in...be prepared to be miserable - at least from time to time - over the weekend.

Thats no reflection on you or the quality of your recovery.

I'd be miserable too...not because I wanted to drink but because a collection of people, especially a group of men, looking to get wasted bores me to tears.

which is why I wouldn't accept an invite like this, even now.

D

Natom

Thanks for your post lessgravity. The only advice I can give you is not to be complacent about not drinking. I've put part of your original post in bold. I said that exact same thing about six hours before I relapsed at a birthday party.

It's going to be very difficult to stay away from temptation at something like a bachelor party. Make sure there's people you can call should you feel tempted to drink. Best of luck.


Natom

Gettingcloser

I guess it could be a pretty lonely time if everyone but you plans on getting rip roaring dunk. Even though I am also secure in my sobriety something like this would feel very intimidating.

Could you not go and then hang out with your soon to married friend at a different time to show your support?

Anna

I know you have confidence that you can get through this. But, for me, it's not something I would attend.

Rd2quit

Less Gravity,

I made it through a 4 day wedding weekend last month where many people were drinking from early afternoon through the night everyday. I posted to SR about 10 times during the trip which was a huge help. I also talked to my wife over the phone about 4 times which also helped. If you know you are not going to drink then you won't drink. If you need help post to SR.

Kdon853

Primativo

I have a bacherlors weekend in Spain in three weeks, I will not be attending.

Personally, I wouldn't go to an all weekend drinking event, but I'm only back on day 50 after relapsing before Xmas.

Maybe after a year I'll feel differently, but whats the point of being at a drinking event if you aren't drinking.

SIB

Night skiing/snowboarding alone is fun! That's what I'd be doing - or hanging out for one day and then leaving when the booze comes out at night.

ScottFromWI

Bachelor parties are on my list of things that I simply don't do anymore. Not that I can't, I just don't see the point. I did participate in one about 2 years into my sobriety and did so as a designated driver, but it was probably one of the worst experiences I can remember. Mostly because the sole reason to go is to get wasted, and if you aren't there is literally no reason to be there. And being around a group of people who's sole purpose is to get drunk is really no fun at all if you aren't there to do the same.

Asking your friend to meet another weekend or for another activity is absolutely an option if you would so choose.

least

Well, it's up to you, whether or not you go, but I would find it boring and/or frustrating to be around a lot of drunks.

Unshackled

Been there done that. It didn't turn out very well for me. Good luck and please keep your guard up. If you cave in you might not make it back.

Snowydelrico

I’m with SIB, if you decide to go.
Tire yourself out on the ski slope and have an early retirement when it starts to get ugly.
Good luck

P.s.
I find it very depressing watching my friends get wasted.
Watching the beast get to work on them.
That alone takes time for me to get over.

PeacefulWater12

Ditto!

I have no concern that I would drink, it's about being stuck for a whole weekend with drinkers. As a sober person, being around drinkers is tedious and repetitive.

Plus look at it from their view, drinkers like other drinkers so they can all get wasted together and be on the same page.

I have far nicer ways of spending my weekend these days.

Kid50

For me , if I was invited to a similar party, it d be all down to who gets which room , i.e. If I'd my own room fine , but if it's up in the air who s rooming with who , then id decline.

Zanna

You say you are not looking forward to it - then why go? I've found it a lot less stressful in life, to not bother doing things I don't have to (unless my Boss is paying me to do them, I mean)
I used to have terrible anxiety and realised that it was much worse when I had to deal with people I couldn't stand - life's a lot more simple and fun, if you listen to that inner voice
Good Luck x

MindfulMan

My last bachelor party was in Vegas, and mostly consisted of having good food, then retiring to a suite with bottles of booze, drank the mini bar, ordered up a mountain of cocaine (seriously, it was like Scarface) ate an oxycontin.

NO THANK YOU. I was so wasted and felt so horrible it wasn't even remotely fun. Now it's beyond unthinkable.

lessgravity

If it wasn't in a gorgeous natural location right at my fingertips, with skiing available, then I may have different feelings about going. There's a chance that I leave just before the last, big blowout night. I'm actually aiming to do that, it is just a matter of scheduling. But yes it's not something I'm going to avoid, it does mean a lot that I'm there for the bachelor himself. I'll have a plan and check in here. There's a part of me that doesn't mind it from an old most social science perspective, in terms of observing the amount of alcohol consumed and what it does to all the people around me.

WhoDeyPI

Now that is a true test of willpower. Godspeed.

August252015

Less, I know you are not an AA person. However, I JUST walked back in the door from a meeting where the discussion was about what and where we go and WHY and how we do parties, trips, everything. Several people echo what Scott said and I believe for myself - there is nothing we must go to - NOTHING. And, many talked about successfully going thru something like your weekend...then drinking soon after, baffling them and everything I know you have learned about addiction and getting sober, like Dee said.

I don't care what type of program any alcoholic is using to be sober - all of that could apply to every one of us.

Like I always tell people - please don't go. Everyone else has chimed in or will about making a plan, etc if you do.