Big upcoming bachelor's party weekend...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 524
Originally Posted by lessgravity 
If it wasn't in a gorgeous natural location right at my fingertips, with skiing available, then I may have different feelings about going. There's a chance that I leave just before the last, big blowout night. I'm actually aiming to do that, it is just a matter of scheduling. But yes it's not something I'm going to avoid, it does mean a lot that I'm there for the bachelor himself. I'll have a plan and check in here. There's a part of me that doesn't mind it from an old most social science perspective, in terms of observing the amount of alcohol consumed and what it does to all the people around me.
The reason I ask is because, the bachelor party I am supposed to go to in Spain, it's one of my best friends. I'm one of the groomsmen for his wedding. I had been deliberating internally for months about whether to go to this bachelor weekend, ( I even booked the flights). I realised though, that it is without doubt the worst possible decision I could make in the world, to go. If I go I knew I would drink, my AV was telling me to go and get annihilated on booze. Thankfully I knew better.
I appreciate you've got a fair bit longer stretch of sobriety under your belt, but even people I know with 5 years + of sobriety, tell me they still wouldn't go to a bachelor weekend which will revolve mainly around getting drunk because it would be totally boring and just pointless. It's not an activity they care for anymore.
My friend knows that I have quit drinking, so he totally understood my decision. Said he'd love it if I went, but he said I need to make the best decision for myself. I'll be at his wedding anyway. Your friend would surely put your own critical needs above his desire for you to be at this party?! He will have other friends there, you won't be missed THAT much.
On the second point, it's a curious perspective you've taken there. There is nothing to be gained from analysing other friends getting drunk IMO. What is there to gain out of that social experiment? At best you feel slightly more reinforced in your decision to quit drinking, at worst, you get frustrated, feel like you are missing out and think "**** it, I'll drink". Not much upside, a whole lot of downside.
Anyway, good luck, hope you have fun on the slopes if you do go!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 754
Originally Posted by Primativo
Does it really? Does he know that you have a drinking problem and in recovery?
The reason I ask is because, the bachelor party I am supposed to go to in Spain, it's one of my best friends. I'm one of the groomsmen for his wedding. I had been deliberating internally for months about whether to go to this bachelor weekend, ( I even booked the flights). I realised though, that it is without doubt the worst possible decision I could make in the world, to go. If I go I knew I would drink, my AV was telling me to go and get annihilated on booze. Thankfully I knew better.
I appreciate you've got a fair bit longer stretch of sobriety under your belt, but even people I know with 5 years + of sobriety, tell me they still wouldn't go to a bachelor weekend which will revolve mainly around getting drunk because it would be totally boring and just pointless. It's not an activity they care for anymore.
My friend knows that I have quit drinking, so he totally understood my decision. Said he'd love it if I went, but he said I need to make the best decision for myself. I'll be at his wedding anyway. Your friend would surely put your own critical needs above his desire for you to be at this party?! He will have other friends there, you won't be missed THAT much.
On the second point, it's a curious perspective you've taken there. There is nothing to be gained from analysing other friends getting drunk IMO. What is there to gain out of that social experiment? At best you feel slightly more reinforced in your decision to quit drinking, at worst, you get frustrated, feel like you are missing out and think "**** it, I'll drink". Not much upside, a whole lot of downside.
Anyway, good luck, hope you have fun on the slopes if you do go!
The reason I ask is because, the bachelor party I am supposed to go to in Spain, it's one of my best friends. I'm one of the groomsmen for his wedding. I had been deliberating internally for months about whether to go to this bachelor weekend, ( I even booked the flights). I realised though, that it is without doubt the worst possible decision I could make in the world, to go. If I go I knew I would drink, my AV was telling me to go and get annihilated on booze. Thankfully I knew better.
I appreciate you've got a fair bit longer stretch of sobriety under your belt, but even people I know with 5 years + of sobriety, tell me they still wouldn't go to a bachelor weekend which will revolve mainly around getting drunk because it would be totally boring and just pointless. It's not an activity they care for anymore.
My friend knows that I have quit drinking, so he totally understood my decision. Said he'd love it if I went, but he said I need to make the best decision for myself. I'll be at his wedding anyway. Your friend would surely put your own critical needs above his desire for you to be at this party?! He will have other friends there, you won't be missed THAT much.
On the second point, it's a curious perspective you've taken there. There is nothing to be gained from analysing other friends getting drunk IMO. What is there to gain out of that social experiment? At best you feel slightly more reinforced in your decision to quit drinking, at worst, you get frustrated, feel like you are missing out and think "**** it, I'll drink". Not much upside, a whole lot of downside.
Anyway, good luck, hope you have fun on the slopes if you do go!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by Primativo
Does it really? Does he know that you have a drinking problem and in recovery?
The reason I ask is because, the bachelor party I am supposed to go to in Spain, it's one of my best friends. I'm one of the groomsmen for his wedding. I had been deliberating internally for months about whether to go to this bachelor weekend, ( I even booked the flights). I realised though, that it is without doubt the worst possible decision I could make in the world, to go. If I go I knew I would drink, my AV was telling me to go and get annihilated on booze. Thankfully I knew better.
I appreciate you've got a fair bit longer stretch of sobriety under your belt, but even people I know with 5 years + of sobriety, tell me they still wouldn't go to a bachelor weekend which will revolve mainly around getting drunk because it would be totally boring and just pointless. It's not an activity they care for anymore.
My friend knows that I have quit drinking, so he totally understood my decision. Said he'd love it if I went, but he said I need to make the best decision for myself. I'll be at his wedding anyway. Your friend would surely put your own critical needs above his desire for you to be at this party?! He will have other friends there, you won't be missed THAT much.
On the second point, it's a curious perspective you've taken there. There is nothing to be gained from analysing other friends getting drunk IMO. What is there to gain out of that social experiment? At best you feel slightly more reinforced in your decision to quit drinking, at worst, you get frustrated, feel like you are missing out and think "**** it, I'll drink". Not much upside, a whole lot of downside.
Anyway, good luck, hope you have fun on the slopes if you do go!
The reason I ask is because, the bachelor party I am supposed to go to in Spain, it's one of my best friends. I'm one of the groomsmen for his wedding. I had been deliberating internally for months about whether to go to this bachelor weekend, ( I even booked the flights). I realised though, that it is without doubt the worst possible decision I could make in the world, to go. If I go I knew I would drink, my AV was telling me to go and get annihilated on booze. Thankfully I knew better.
I appreciate you've got a fair bit longer stretch of sobriety under your belt, but even people I know with 5 years + of sobriety, tell me they still wouldn't go to a bachelor weekend which will revolve mainly around getting drunk because it would be totally boring and just pointless. It's not an activity they care for anymore.
My friend knows that I have quit drinking, so he totally understood my decision. Said he'd love it if I went, but he said I need to make the best decision for myself. I'll be at his wedding anyway. Your friend would surely put your own critical needs above his desire for you to be at this party?! He will have other friends there, you won't be missed THAT much.
On the second point, it's a curious perspective you've taken there. There is nothing to be gained from analysing other friends getting drunk IMO. What is there to gain out of that social experiment? At best you feel slightly more reinforced in your decision to quit drinking, at worst, you get frustrated, feel like you are missing out and think "**** it, I'll drink". Not much upside, a whole lot of downside.
Anyway, good luck, hope you have fun on the slopes if you do go!
I know there are people who are sober for much longer than me wouldn't go and, without judging, I know people sober much longer than me who attend daily meetings, say they are in permanent recovery etc. I don't hold that against anyone who is sober, but it's not for me. Especially bc I have this place.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by lessgravity
I may be frustrated and annoyed with the guys in the trip, but I'm also going to enjoy a solo plane ride, see another part of the country, get credit for attending, enjoy the slopes and also get in some outdoors time that my city dwelling self is craving.
I'm also curious about your notion of "getting credit" for going would be? Earlier you said that it's important for your friend that you are there - those 2 don't really line up , do they?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
You could also get all of those things ( a plane ride, some skiing, see another part of the country ) without attending a blowout drunkfest too ;-)
I'm also curious about your notion of "getting credit" for going would be? Earlier you said that it's important for your friend that you are there - those 2 don't really line up , do they?
I'm also curious about your notion of "getting credit" for going would be? Earlier you said that it's important for your friend that you are there - those 2 don't really line up , do they?
What do you mean? Directly in line - my friend will be very happy I'm there/I will get credit for going from him etc
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Hi LG,
I think the problem I would have is how well I know the other attendees. If they are all saying 'oh you're boring not drinking/why not have a drink/ why bother coming if you're not going to drink. etc etc. Now I don't give in to peer pressure but it's all the attention I wouldn't like. I don't know tbh. You're a long time sober and adamant you won't drink but then say you're not looking forward to it. Best wishes to you,
I think the problem I would have is how well I know the other attendees. If they are all saying 'oh you're boring not drinking/why not have a drink/ why bother coming if you're not going to drink. etc etc. Now I don't give in to peer pressure but it's all the attention I wouldn't like. I don't know tbh. You're a long time sober and adamant you won't drink but then say you're not looking forward to it. Best wishes to you,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
I can see the appeal of the snow and skiing, for sure - one thing I've noticed when I travel to past drinking destinations is that the transition there is the hardest part, when you've been traveling, are excited to be in a new place with your friends, they all grab a drink and start the party, and you (insert plan here). I think it's OK as long as you have a plan if things get tough, and are super vigilant AFTER the event, which IME is the riskiest time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by August252015
Credit from friends? That is simply not in my equation. Why in the world would I keep a "bank" or spend time with people who did, of who does what?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,614
Originally Posted by lessgravity
I definitely want credit for that!
The question is, what does the credit produce? Is there an off-set?
If you come to my child's birthday party, am I then indebted to you in any way? When it's your child's party do you say - hey, I appeared at your kids party!
If there is no "balance due" on the credit, then yeah, it's just a phrase of speech.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
Good luck with it, lessgravity. Have a good trip.
All of my cousins and extended Irish family have a yearly winter bash that traditionally is a lot of heavy drinking, shots, games and gambling. I am one of the founders of it. I still go -- I couldn't bring myself to miss it and not see everyone. But I don't drink at it anymore (I haven't in a couple years). Nobody cares because they love me and we all still have fun (and nobody in this group would ever try to put any peer pressure on me or make fun -- they know why I don't drink).
It's my choice to be around that kind of drinking. Only you know what you can handle and your state of mind.
All of my cousins and extended Irish family have a yearly winter bash that traditionally is a lot of heavy drinking, shots, games and gambling. I am one of the founders of it. I still go -- I couldn't bring myself to miss it and not see everyone. But I don't drink at it anymore (I haven't in a couple years). Nobody cares because they love me and we all still have fun (and nobody in this group would ever try to put any peer pressure on me or make fun -- they know why I don't drink).
It's my choice to be around that kind of drinking. Only you know what you can handle and your state of mind.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by trailmix
Yes, I noticed this too. It could just be the way your group talks, depends, could be a way of thinking.
The question is, what does the credit produce? Is there an off-set?
If you come to my child's birthday party, am I then indebted to you in any way? When it's your child's party do you say - hey, I appeared at your kids party!
If there is no "balance due" on the credit, then yeah, it's just a phrase of speech.
The question is, what does the credit produce? Is there an off-set?
If you come to my child's birthday party, am I then indebted to you in any way? When it's your child's party do you say - hey, I appeared at your kids party!
If there is no "balance due" on the credit, then yeah, it's just a phrase of speech.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Sounds like you will have your own transportation...or maybe you should. You can get out on your own if need be. And like you said, leave early if need be.
I'm weird (I know, hard to believe) but I don't have a huge problem not drinking at big drinking events. I have to be careful about what happens after. It hasn't happened in a long time but I have relapsed after returning home from stressful trips of trips that involved a lot of booze. Weird.
Have a plan. You'll be fine. And have fun!!
I'm weird (I know, hard to believe) but I don't have a huge problem not drinking at big drinking events. I have to be careful about what happens after. It hasn't happened in a long time but I have relapsed after returning home from stressful trips of trips that involved a lot of booze. Weird.
Have a plan. You'll be fine. And have fun!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
So I planned my flights to get in early and leave the day of the big blow out night (I'm flying on Thursday and leaving Saturday on a red-eye). So it's really just two nights/days of partying - Friday we are skiing so that will be great. I'm planning on taking a long morning hike Saturday as well. I'm sure there will be plenty of booze being consumed still, but I'm happy that I won't be there for the big night Saturday (or the hungover morning Sunday).
Thank you everyone for pointing out I need to be vigilant upon return. It is an interesting aspect of this addiction that so many of us can identify with. I'm not questioning that I would pick up again after I am home, but I will be mindful.
Thank you everyone for pointing out I need to be vigilant upon return. It is an interesting aspect of this addiction that so many of us can identify with. I'm not questioning that I would pick up again after I am home, but I will be mindful.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,902
I've been sober 9 years and I wouldn't go to an event like this.
It's not that I'm worried I would drink, I would be more concerned about the boredom of hanging around with a bunch of drunks at night and a bunch of hungover people in the morning.
If it were me, I would drive up to the event, spend 4 or 5 hours with the guys, then get out of there. I've wasted so much time drinking, and recovering from drinking that I really value every hour of my sober life today.
It's not that I'm worried I would drink, I would be more concerned about the boredom of hanging around with a bunch of drunks at night and a bunch of hungover people in the morning.
If it were me, I would drive up to the event, spend 4 or 5 hours with the guys, then get out of there. I've wasted so much time drinking, and recovering from drinking that I really value every hour of my sober life today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Tickets booked. I'm arriving on Thursday and headed out on a redeye Saturday night. Will be plenty of drinking going on I'm sure, though I'm happy I'm going to avoid the wreckage of Saturday night and Sunday morning.
I'm secure in my sobriety. In that regard I'm simply a man who doesn't drink. I'm also going to be mindful upon my return that no old demons are going to have a voice in my head.
Looking forward to the trip for the mountains, time away and generally things that people who don't drink get to enjoy.
I'm secure in my sobriety. In that regard I'm simply a man who doesn't drink. I'm also going to be mindful upon my return that no old demons are going to have a voice in my head.
Looking forward to the trip for the mountains, time away and generally things that people who don't drink get to enjoy.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I hope you come home with new insights. Like maybe *all* of the guys won't be drinking to excess. It seems like maybe it's time to rewrite the bachelor party script - not just for you, but for a lot of guys.
May your calm presence be a good example.
May your calm presence be a good example.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
I'd just get my own room so I could disappear when I'm no longer "noticed", I've been the sober person enough times to know I don't enjoy it and I don't want to be there. At times it makes me feel trapped.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,413
Originally Posted by lessgravity
Tickets booked. I'm arriving on Thursday and headed out on a redeye Saturday night. Will be plenty of drinking going on I'm sure, though I'm happy I'm going to avoid the wreckage of Saturday night and Sunday morning.
I'm secure in my sobriety. In that regard I'm simply a man who doesn't drink. I'm also going to be mindful upon my return that no old demons are going to have a voice in my head.
Looking forward to the trip for the mountains, time away and generally things that people who don't drink get to enjoy.
I'm secure in my sobriety. In that regard I'm simply a man who doesn't drink. I'm also going to be mindful upon my return that no old demons are going to have a voice in my head.
Looking forward to the trip for the mountains, time away and generally things that people who don't drink get to enjoy.
Less went to NO not so long ago and had a great non-drinking time. I think we sometimes think what works for us is perhaps over-prescribed as a general precept to all.
Why not have fun with old friends in a beautiful place? If you feel strong in sobriety, living life is what is waiting for you. Not constant fear of what "might" happen. If he was wobbly, that's something else.
I agree we should be wary, but not decline to live our lives and ratify our connections with others when given the opportunity. As we age, getting together gets harder and harder.
I also think the use of the term "credit" in more in terms of meeting social expectations & maintaining friendship connections and is not the same usage as debt / cash / payback.
Have fun less, and if you feel temptation, act wisely
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I hope you have a safe sober trip. I am on a weeks all inclusive holidays this week with my child. No one else no spouse no friends no reason to drink. I came with absolutely no intention of drinking. I haven't but it has been hard at times. Much harder than I expected.
you have much more sober time than me and I'm sure you will be fine. Caution is advised though you just never know when the av will strike.
you have much more sober time than me and I'm sure you will be fine. Caution is advised though you just never know when the av will strike.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
