Day 1 again
 

Im a complete failure spent all weekend drinking again why can't i change when i desperately want to. I do not want to be a drunk alcoholic i hate myself. I turn 40 in june i want a new life but i cant seem to not drink. I have dragged myself through work today but feel so ill and depressed im scared i will die and my son will be alone. Please help me beat this poison

We can encourage you, but it's up to you to stop drinking. Pour out whatever you have left and don't get anymore. You can do this! :)

What was your plan to deal with cravings, habits, and to build new habits?
Share that here and we can give you some feedback on where you might make it stronger.

If you didn't have such a plan, than that most likely was the problem.
You can't stay quit purely on will power.
So if you don't have a plan, you need to make one.

Again, post it here and we can support you in making it strong.
You can do it--but you have to put in the will and the work to make it happen.
Hope is not a plan.

Yes there is no alcohol in the house now, i try to plan to go out to different non alcohol places but just seem to fail and end up buying wine, thinking it will relax me.

We all have moments of weakness, Tink. I felt like drinking Saturday night. I had that "well maybe I'll just buy a small bottle, drink it, and be done" thought. Then I stopped, and thought about why I wanted to drink. I was bored. Simple as that. So I got up, worked out, felt better. You just have to stay busy, and keep your mind off it. No shame on messing up, just get on it!

Yeah i think boredom is a problem for me to as im a single parent and often feel very lonely i suffer woth depression and anxiety too. My dad had a massive stroke last year too and it left him unable to speak and i just have days where everything feels so hopeless and i know drinking is making me feel worse im desperate to change i feel like im letting my little boy down over and over again, i could break my heart right now

Hi, I know how hard it is but we have to do something different to stop drinking. Maybe stay home for a while apart from work or go out to places that don't sell alcohol. If you don't buy it you can't drink it. Sounds simple but it really boils down to that. Do anything you have to do to not buy alcohol or even be near it in the first few weeks/months.

It's unrealistic to keep going out with friends to pubs/bars/clubs/restaurants where we used to drink and think we will just not drink. Can you do something with your son instead? He's all alone now if yo're drinking all weekend. No judgment there btw - my son is 9 so I do understand.

Oh tink, listen mate. Don't beat yourself up. It's done an you can't change it. Any time spent on beating yourself up is a waste of time.
We have all fallen at somepoint, I have.
Just get back on that bus, and start again. You only fail when you stop trying darlin.
Wishing you love 🙏💖
You can do this 🙌🙌🙌🙌

Have you considered finding some support locally via a support group? Boredom is a state of mind that you have the ability to change. Getting involved with a support group can lead to a lot of other activites that will spark interest - volunteering for example. Involvement with a support group itself gets you out of your house and into environment where you can become engaged. It's very common for us ( addicts ) to say there is "nothing to do" or "I'm bored" and then drink......but it's important to remember that drinking is a choice in that situation. You could do a lot of other things besides all the conscious decisions you need to make to obtain and drink alcohol. Logging on here and telling us you feel like you are going to drink would be another choice -someone is here on SR 24/7 just about.

Wanting to change is just part of the equation. Actually making changes in your life is the other. What are you doing to change?

And if you are making changes, it is vital to sustain those changes, such as your intentions to post daily to your accountability thread. Do whatever it takes to support your decision to quit drinking.

Thank you all for your kind words, yes i will try and change my routine and internet shop rather than going to supermarket where i be tempted to buy wine. I dont have any friends so i never go out to pubs anyway but i will make plans with my son, and stick to them !!! I have to do this i dont think i can cope with feeling this terrible again.

I don't know how old your son is but all my friends are people I've met through toddler groups or at the school. Library meet ups are free and a good place to meet people. Is this an option for you?

My son is 7 but i miss out on mixing with the other parents at the school gate as he goes to breakfast and after school club due to me working, i could look into libary groups never thought of that thank you. Just realised how empty my life is, so so sad

Awwww this breaks my heart, I'm a single mum as well so I understand how you feel, listen your not alone tink, we all have issues with alcohol/drugs that's why we are here. Feel free to message me anytime your feeling low 😄. I'm early days as well. We could rant on to each other lol, just don't beat yourself up. It serves no purpose. Just dust yourself down, an try again, you can do this 💪💪

libraries are great for sat morning actitives. also local leisure centres, maybe look at netmums too for local meetups.

Thank you doris i really appreciate that

Stuff that helped/helps me - to stay on track with my recovery plan.

- have a plan!
-JOURNAL WRITING..DAILY- PROGRESSIVELY
- a daily routine- like always make sure dishes washed, shower, bed made
- regular check ups with GP to monitor my depression
- seeing a psychologist (CBT until now) to learn new strategies for coping with today- necessary before I look at the last
- SR, counsellor and meetings. I force myself to go to meetings, so I do not isolate- NECESSARY DAILY!
- art
- if stressed- I ask myself am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired/thirsty, Sad/stressed (HALTS)- fix what I can (esp rest,eat,hydrate) or get help to fix it.

Support to you.

Thank you readyatlast thats really helpful

Hey TB

I relapsed at least weekly for 15 years.

The question I had to ask myself was what am I doing to change - my answer was not a lot really.

if answering that question is hard for you too, then chances are you might need to do more?

Can you think of things you could add to what you're doing to stay sober?

D

Hi Tinkerbeau,
Your post reminds me of what I wrote in December 2014 in a journal I kept on my computer called Memoirs of an Alcoholic. This is me writing to my alcoholic self.....
December 2014
"Okay so I had a really rough day. Drank Sat afternoon right until Sunday night. Very dangerous and very unhealthy. I was so uncomfortable at work!! It was awful. So depressed and sick. Scared for my health. If I start drinking I cannot stop until I am drinking blindly. I lose my memory. Please stop. Please read this before you pick up again. You cannot control your drinking. I was so out of it today. Throwing up. Nervous and very unsettled. Here’s to a good nights sleep. Start again tomorrow."
I was where you were. I have been sober now since May 29th 2018. You can do it too!