Suzieq17

So, 41 days sober. Started thinking about my limited network of friends.

I was a solo drinker—drank a bottle of wine (sometimes more) every other day (sometimes more).

I have a few friends that I do play dates with the kids and 1 good friend that I’ve shared lots of ups and downs with.

While actively drinking, I found it very difficult to make new friends. Just assumed I was not new friend worthy.

Now that I’m sober, I’m starting to see why I maybe didn’t make friends—smelled like booze from night before, gave off bad vibes most likely due to hangover, never cared to ask others about their lives, etc.

I’m just wondering if I have any of hope of making new friends in sobriety. I’ve always been a drunk and at 40 something I’m not sure it’s possible but I know I’d like to try. Anyone been here?

least

A couple good ways to make new friends are; take a class in something you've always wanted to learn. Or volunteer at a local charity, homeless shelter or animal shelter.

It gets you out with like minded people, doing good.

Dee74

I had to wait a little while before making friends because one of the things about making new friends is being social, and being social, even being careful about the invites I accepted, was hard for me without the temptation of drinking.

I did a lot of coffee dates, movies cafes art galleries and museums tho. Getting out even if not meeting anyone was important to me as a step back into a sober social life.

I spent a little time with myself instead and I'm glad I did. I was terrified of my own company for years. I learned there was nothing to be worried about.

When you feel secure in your recovery - explore your interests and hobbies, sports...that's a good way to make friends. So is volunteering in your community.

Reconnect with old friends you might have drifted from when your drinking started to take precedence.

Remember that you probably made friends pretty easily as a kid - we change but not that much - just be yourself, be positive, shine a little light out and see what you attract

D

Mango212

Good luck, Suzieq. One day at a time.

I didn't make friends easily as a kid. I was scared. Of not knowing what to say. Thinking about this a bit and my biggest fear was other kids finding out things were not okay in my family.

I have changed a lot. Making friends is getting to be easy. As I authentically know me, I also have things in common with people I'm meeting and am more at ease with people I used to be friends with.

False friendships are falling away. I'm absolutely okay with that.

Suzieq17

Thank you. This hits home for me — I had trouble making friends as a kid as well and I too feel like it’s was because I didn’t want them to know what was going on in my family.

It gives me real hope. I’ll work on becoming my authentic self and hope things fall into place.

tonggau

Making friends, being a good friend and maintaining a friendship is a skill. Some of us have to learn it as adults and some of us have to relearn it since we forgot it over the years spent in the false fog of alcohol. But it is a skill, it can be learned and you can learn it.

August252015

Suzie - what Dee said really rings true with my experience.

I was always The Most Social child/teen/adult etc...and it was also part facade...one of the best things in sobriety has been getting solidified into who I am and one of my fave compliments is when people remark that I am a "bright light" in [ ] ... it rings true now.

Trusting who I could become and be comfortable being took time.

Adult friend-making can def be hard, and my focus is quality (quantity of less deep friends is easy, for me). Perhaps there are a few people from your past who will come to mind as ones you faded away from when drinking; I found those to be ones with whom I wanted to reconnect. New interests and activities take time not only to discover, but to find those you bond with....for me, getting sober friends in AA as well as in my industry (restaurants) has been really important.

Keep going in sobriety and what I know can be a growing confidence in your worthiness as a friend.

WhoDeyPI

I've been able to keep most of my friends. I was a heavy drinker alone, but they were always just light social drinkers, and fully support that I no longer partake. Heck, most of them have even cut down, which is great.

As far as making new friends since sober....it can be hard. I use the "MeetUp" app which connects me with local groups of people that enjoy similar things. I joined a MeetUp for hiking, eating out, etc.

Mango212

Listening to actions rather than words helps immensely.

My mom used to say everyone likes me and I made friends so easily. That's not what was happening. She was emotionally and psychologically abusive through my childhood and adulthood (so were my dad and brother). When I was bullied at school I had no tools to deal with it. Now I do have tools and skills.

I have good childhood memories I'm tapping into. Time outside. Skills I have. Interests such as photography.

One day at a time. Tapping into joy and fun.