Forwards

Day 43 and I'm not feeling very positive. I've just seen my mental health nurse and the first thing she said to me was 'you've had a drink - I can tell'. I was feeling low anyway and this came as a bit of a blow. I haven't had a drink this year.

For future reference, how am I meant to respond in this kind of situation? Denial doesn't seem adequate. It's probably something I'll have to face with others. Any advice please?

Onwards...

August252015

I had to learn not to be defensive and just stay sober. Ultimately, that was what mattered. Professionals in this area are perhaps used to and attuned to people relapsing - it wasn't helpful for her to use that phrasing but I would try to set it aside.

Have you had thoughts on spiritual thoughts (ha)? Perhaps a good place to start is with a daily reading app - Hazelden has one called Inspirations that has some AA, some non-AA, etc material. I also subscribe to the daily emails from Friar Richard Rohr of the Center for Active Contemplation - he is a Fransiscan with a quite global approach to all kinds of wisdom traditions and he often includes recovery/12 step and acceptance based life practices in his writings.

Ups and downs are so normal - we have to learn that they are part of life and not deal with them by drinking. Glad you are here- keep going!

Forwards

Thank you August. I've downloaded the Hazelden Inspirations app for bed time reading.

The meeting wasn't quite as bad as I made out - it improved after the rocky start. One comment my nurse made that struck me was 'you seem to be living your life struggling day to day we need to work on you 'just being''. She also said I have to add some fun to my current activity regime. All easier said then done in early recovery...

August252015

Hope you like the app.

Sounds like your nurse might be a good one to work with after all - her comment about living in a struggle might be spot on, and one you can change. It's not easy to be sober- but not doing it alone and therefore learning the spiritual component, new behaviors, and yep that idea of "being" are all key.

I was incredibly restless in my own skin, in so many ways, when I first quit drinking. I have a bit of a high strung personality but have learned (for the most part) to be much more present and deal with what IS, as I have gone along in sobriety.

Keep going. All of this is a process, has a curve, and as we keep sober becomes more and more...like the new real life we get to live! Promise.

happyPete

Hello Forward, wow, you've already started to ask the right question so soon after sobriety. What's next? You've freed yourself to be whatever you want and boy, there's a whole world out there and alcohol has provided you with the chance to live. Without becoming dependent and then free of drink you would never have reached this fantastic opportunity to change every aspect of your old life. Go for a new career, new friends, new interests even move to a new part of the country. Learn about yourself, the new you, Forgive yourself. You can't change the past so don't dwell on it, it's gone. Just be grateful you've found the power of sober. You're still young. Wow, life is beautiful, wonderful and exciting. Wake up each morning and think " I'm alive, I'm sober and what fantastic opportunity will I find today. Or maybe you think this is crazy talk. NO WAY, I become sober at 63 and three years later this is exactly how I think. I even except cravings, they are ACE because they remind me how far I've come and how bad my life used to be, and slowly they are giving up on me. Life is so beautiful and you have a wonderful opportunity, TAKE IT you earn it.
All my best, Pete

Forwards

Hello, I'm just reporting in coming to the end of a successful Day 50.

I'm generally feeling OK but still a bit fuzzy headed (PAWS?) which is frustrating. I'm seeing my alcohol counsellor tomorrow and she is moving me to monthly meetings instead of fortnightly meetings which is a sign of progress.

I'm thinking about what to discuss with her though. I'll reflect on your comments above and also go back over some relapse prevention work she gave me previously. What else should I be asking her about at this stage?

Thanks all, Forwards.

August252015

Glad you are updating us. Perhaps a question for her is what a longer term (say, the next 6-12 mo) plan would be for your continuing care and work? Ie, seeing a different type of recovery person? A group? Periodic check ins like the every 3 mo talk and med check I have with my psych?

Essentially - what support can you and she plan on you continuing, adding to, etc? Also, perhaps she has suggestions on reading material, other resources etc that you haven't tried yet, or groups like Y12SR (Yoga for 12 Step Recovery) or active endeavors connected to healthy (even specifically, sober) living. Volunteering, other things that you can spend time and energy on as you grow stronger in sobriety.

Stay with us and stay with being sober one day at a time!

PhoenixJ

What next Forwards?

I definitely burned all my bridges because of booze- family, career, home, credibility...etc.

I tried any and everything on offer. I found art- as well as being an outlet for emotions, I am now studying it.

Your support mechanisms are like mine- I use everything I can use.

My emotional bit- very warped and damaged. This is going to take a lot of work- with a psychologist. I went to a CBT psychologist for over 2y, now (just this week) another- based on values and deconstructing my very dysfunctional family of origin.

I keep a journal- write a lot, go to meetings to learn and be around human.

Try new things- no matter how silly they seem- I did all sorts...snorkeling, high ropes climbing, creative writing, volunteering at the state museum, volunteering at a community centre- and there is always a way to help out at meetings- as the secretary, washing dishes- coffee etc.

Keep at it- you are doig well.

August252015

CBT is an excellent tool - specific examples about how to change our thinking in the workbook that is a companion to Marsha Lenehan (sp?)'s original work (DBT has great similarities to CBT).

Dee74

Really glad you're doing well Forwards

D

Forwards

It's midnight here and I'm now on Day 60!

Mixed progress here. Physically I'm feeling great (apart from a short lived cold last week) but mentally I'm still up and down. I'm still very anxious in general and this has been a long standing problem. I'm seeing my mental health nurse tomorrow and will mention it.

I'm making progress work wise and got paid for the first time in a long while this week, having done some IT consultancy. Today I spoke to my landlady who has seen the worst of me over the years and she said how happy she was to see me looking so well.

I am however starting to fully realise what a mess I have made of things over the last 21 years of drinking. I should be settled with a career and family by now and instead I feel I'm starting all over again making new friends and exploring new opportunities with all the baggage, broken relationships and negative references to look back on. Still, this time last year I was going in to rehab in such a bad state that I could hardly walk or write...

So, one day at a time with gratitude. Thank you all for your support.

Forwards.

Dee74

60 days is a great milestone Forwards - proud of ya

D

Forwards

Hi Guys,

Just checking in at 66 days. Gradual progress here so I guess that's good.

I saw my psychologist on Monday having completed a few months of work on relapse prevention. She has left me with a choice as to whether to continue with her counselling. Do I want to risk digging in to my past as an active alcoholic (with comorbid schizophrenia) or should I be focusing on the future now... tricky...

I'm seeing my mental health nurse tomorrow and my consultant next week. No doubt both will be pleased that I am not drinking. It's not all perfect though - I'm still suffering from anxiety and paranoid thoughts which I can't seem to get over. My attempts at broadening my social horizons and spiritual outlook have not progressed very far because of this.

Still, onwards with gratitude. Thank you for reading. Forwards.

Dee74

It's great to see your progress Forwards
D

yinzer

Rome wasn’t built in a day....you’re doing great.

August252015

My husband and I get up early and chat about all kinds of stuff, often what I am reading on SR! And I was just telling him I was checking on your thread, Forwards, and so pleased to hear all your updates.

One thing you said about the past/future "conflict" is that I had to acknowledge that the past was there and did need to be addressed - I had (and grew) hope for my future...BUT I had to learn to be in the present. Sometimes, that just meant going to a meeting, taking a shower and eating ice cream for dinner. Like, a few weeks ago before my 3 yr anniversary, I had a couple of those days. That's just how it IS some days, for me. And that is OK - I promise, it really is- everyone on this planet has good days, bad days and those that just...ARE. So weird for this alcoholic to get used to having!!

I found that I could begin to constructively address my past as I grew in sobriety. My first year, first 2 really, were filled with progress- and ups and downs, sometimes pretty big ones as I wrestled with pretty much everything I'd done and wanted to do and be now.

I think you are doing great, I am so glad you are sharing and I vote you keep going One meaning of "it keeps getting better," for me is clarity and ability to keep making the next right choice and decision. You can do this - you are!

Forwards

Checking in on Day 70 and the sun is shining!

Thank you August for your reply. I'm gradually learning to live in the present. As you say though, it is an unusual thing for an alcoholic to do...

So physically I'm doing well, but mentally I'm still up and down. I had waves of anxiety over the weekend and a particularly hellish train journey on Saturday night where all the youngsters in the carriage were drinking and singing (badly). Quite intimidating but I was very glad to be sober.

So off into town for lunch then study and healthy cooking this afternoon. I'm seeing my psych consultant on Friday and I'm hoping he will be pleased with my progress.

Thanks everyone, Forwards.

yinzer

Congrats on day 70.

lessgravity

Good stuff and congrats. Keep it moving.

Dee74

great going Forwards

D