bexxed

I’m going to be blunt: I’m having a really hard time right now. I don’t know if this is the right forum, because it’s newcomers, so if it needs to be moved, admins, please accept my apologies and move it.

It’s not like I’m going to drink, though. Drinking hasn’t crossed my mind. I’m almost at 2 1/2 years without a drink and don’t have the desire to. Everything in my life is hard, though, and I realize I’m looking at the first major life changes I’ve made since the major life change of getting sober.

I got promoted at work, and it requires a move across the country. The reason I got promoted is because I’m sober. I became a dependable person who excelled at my work, had a calm and clear demeanor, and my mind got sharper. Hard to explain because it’s not like I was ever down in the dumps completely, but I started dressing better, looking fresher, and in general present as a totally different person than I used to. They noticed, apparently, and have put a lot of trust (and resources) into me.

What a great thing! But I have to move away from this lovely cocoon - my beloved house, this city I adore, and a job I grew to really like, at which I excelled and could have done really well forever. My partner is staying behind for now because she has her own work here. We talked about it and have a plan to spend time together often and it’s not too difficult to travel.

I worry that in accepting this, I’ve made a tragic mistake. It’s too late now as I’m training my replacement this week and will be moving by the end of the month. The new place is in process and I’m already doing most of the new job remotely, three time zones away. Im supervising the most difficult person I’ve ever worked with, trying to do two jobs at once, traveling a lot (6 cross country flights in the past 6 weeks) and I miss my hiking trails, my dog (who will be coming with me when I finally move for good) my partner, knowing my way around, the neighbor with the pleasant British accent who makes lovely small talk, my friends, landmarks, and ...I miss things being easy.

Change is hard. I can’t believe I’m saying that because I always thought that I was so good at it. And I was. But in sobriety I really leaned on stability and I mistakenly thought the promotion would be more stability. I feel a little lost, honestly.

My plan is to reinstitute a spiritual practice. I really believe that a life source, energy, god, goodness, the universe, allah, community, whatever you call it, something that transcends the physical, is the way to navigate these feelings. We practice that here without often acknowledging it, in my opinion, to help each other out of the weeds of alcoholism. I guess I’m just on a similar path of change.

I’m scared. Remembering though how low I was 2 1/2 years ago, how sick I was emotionally spiritually and physically. I never want to go back there.

Thanks for reading.

b

Anna

Bexxed, yes, change is hard. And moving is hard, especially across country, and especially when you love when you are living. It sounds like it's especially difficult now as you are travelling back and forth and navigating between two jobs. I hope that once you get settled you will feel more optimistic about your move and your new job. And, remember that we are always here for you.

least

Wow, you've got a lot on your plate. I wish you peace of mind.

Dee74

Hi Bexxed

This may help put your mind at rest- I hope.

It was always my dream to live at the beach. I finally got there and I imagined I'd grow old there...it was a little out of the way but I liked that.

I lived there for 7 years - then they decided not to renew my lease.

I was in a panic - no amount of pleading would budge them (the owner wanted to renovate to ask more for the property)...finally at the 11th hour I got an offer for State housing...but it was back in the city.

I got here and I hated it.

It was certainly a better standard of housing and cheaper, but I had people all around me, people upstairs not like my old beach duplex house

I felt I'd made a huge mistake..and there was nowhere else to go.

But I got used to it, slowly this strange place became mine...and I've grown to love the fact that everything I could ever need is available within a mile (I live by a hospital, a library and huge mall in an area very well served by medical professionals and the like).

I also reconnected with a lot of old friends - from not being social at all I am full swing back into society and back into playing music as well.

The point is...the change was difficult - but ultimately It's been very good for me.

I hope it will be for you too

D