lessgravity

Sadly enough it's a question that many of us asked many times, often for far too long in our drinking careers. I know I used to ask it. I know that I used to tell myself I had it solved, whatever permutation of days on, days off, number of drinks, type of alcohol. 100 different ways that us alcoholics attempt to moderate. But the answer is simple. Those who have to moderate can't, those who can moderate don't need to. I hope the answer to your question is answered sooner than later.

SkyBird

I think for people who aren't true alcoholics, but maybe just problem drinkers, it can work. Many people have a troubling relationship with alcohol but are able to get back on track. They are not addicted.

For me, it's not worth it. I've tried to control my alcohol, and it only ends in more pain and heartache. I'd rather live a sober life

MLD51

It always seemed like the more I tried to moderate, the more obsessed I was with alcohol. The planning, counting, bargaining with myself, waiting for when I could drink... It made me think more about drinking and want it even more. So much time and energy wasted trying to moderate, for me.

I believe true alcoholics cannot moderate. I've yet to meet one who was successful, at least not for long. I know one person who was sober 16 years, and thought he could do it. He did, for a short while. Now he's losing everything again, and suicidal. Not a chance I'm willing to take with my life.

ScottFromWI

I have a quick answer to your quick question - NO!

I can't give you a concrete/scientific answer as to why that is, but my life experience and the lions share of what we see in the recovery community confirms that. Once you "cross the line" into losing control of your drinking, you can never go back.

ChloeRose63

No. My brain always wants more. One is never enough...actually one is too many. I could never stop until I got sick.

Dee74

I think for anyone who finds themselves on a site like this and stays for any significant amount of time, the 'problem drinker/not an alcoholic ' bus has long since left?

D

noaddedsugar

I'm conflicted about this one. I would like to believe that it is possible, but I think almost every single person here will say otherwise and they speak from experience. For me though the risks of attempting to moderate are just not worth it. I don't want to take a chance on something that was causing me so much misery and pain.

peacefulintent

I really wanted to moderate my drinking, just like everyone else here, but I wanted, needed, more than just a drink or two.
The amount of brain energy, emotional turmoil, heartache, obsessing, planning, bargaining, thinking, thinking, thinking about alcohol was becoming all-consuming. I ended up spending so much of my life trying to make something work when it never would. All those many mornings feeling so ashamed and unhappy. Only to start the thinking, thinking, all over again.
It took me a long time to realize drinking is just not worth it!
Spend a half hour writing down all of the benefits of drinking and another list with the benefits of being sober.
I did this and one list was so very short and one list was long and full of promise and new possibilities. Mostly what I gained by letting go of this stream of useless thinking is peace within myself.
Peace to you.

HeadEast

Add me to the list of someone that has tried it and has come to the conclusion that it is not possible.

scottynz

No, but boy did I waste many years of my life giving it a try and lying to myself that because I had one sober month a year that it meant I didn’t have a problem.

We can’t learn to moderate because that is not how alcohol works for us, but it can be sneaky and the dependency can creep up while we kid ourselves we are moderate.

I was a secret drinker at home and a seemingly moderate drinker in public. That was what moderation looked like for me, giving the semblance of a sensible temperate drinker and then going home drinking wine in ever larger glasses until I woke up on my sofa. In my last few weeks before quitting wine wasn’t getting it done fast enough and I had just started to try vodka to get the buzz started. Reading some of the messages here about how the descent into spirits was such a dangerous path to be on I quit.

Every now and again my AV says ‘hey you haven’t had a drink in a year, you’ve proved you can manage your drinking, how about you just have a glass of wine with dinner, you’ve earned it’. I play that tape forward and it will always end with me passed out alone and drooling walking through life hungover or buzzed or plotting how I can get alcohol into a social situation. Moderation is impossible for me, I only wish I had figured that out when I was young.

MissPerfumado

I don't know for sure, I mean maybe it is possible for an "alcoholic" to learn to moderate. I doubt it though.

What I do know for sure is that I am an alcoholic and I could not moderate.

I also know that finally, finally realising I needed to completely and permanently take drinking off the table was a massive turning point for me. Before that point, I was fearful of sobriety - I just could not imagine being 100% sober for the rest of my life. But when I stopped denying the extent of my problem, I had no choice but to try it.

So then I gave it everything I had.

Oh my goodness. Why didn't anyone tell me that over on this side, where I am sober, where I am physically, mentally and spiritually healthy, where I am dealing wth life on its terms without being clouded by alcohol... my goodness why didn't anyone tell me it was so much better?

Actually ... they did. Lots of folk on SR did. But I had to find out for myself.

Now I think - Who needs moderation? Not me. 100% sobriety is so, so much better.

Taooo

I tried for years, sometimes with an incredible amount of effort put into it but I just couldn't do it. And I tried to stop and everytime I failed for years. Maybe try moderation if you NEED the answer, that's what I did. I made the deal with myself I will try 100% and if I fail this time then moderation isn't possible (no excuses allowed either like I just had bad news) and I need to fix this serious problem I have. Once I accepted I had an illness which is physically rooted in my brain and will always be there it made life so much easier.

Meraviglioso

Add me to the list of alcoholics who have tired and failed at moderating.

Plus it is miserable, absolutely miserable. Sometimes sobriety is miserable too, there are times you are just aching for "one glass of wine at dinner" or whatever it is for you. the cravings and desire can be tough. But once I had even just a little bit of alcohol that misery and the cravings increased 1000 fold. It was hell on earth to be one or two glasses in and then have to stop for the sake of moderating. The occasional discomfort of being sober (which lessens with time) beats the anguish of moderating any day.

sameoldsameold

Hi there. I m visiting here today for the first time in ages. I am here because I am still drinking and it is still causing me problems. Those problems began aged 15. By the time I was 17 my binges were huge and I 'knew' that I would need to stop pretty soon. I didn't though and, apart from some brief periods of abstinence (or about a month), life has been a struggle. I am now 43. I am not an everyday drinker and about 75% of the times when I drink I am pretty moderate. But the remaining 25%, I drink everything in sight until I can't get anything else. Those sessions ruin me financially, healthwise, in terms of my relationships and my mental state. I knew I had a problem at 17. I chose blind hope over the evidence and have tried to manage it all my life. If I could go back and take the other option (abstinence), I would. Hands down. I am hoping I still manage to make a different decision even now. But I won't ever know what it is like to be young and sober and that I a regret. I wish you the very best in your journey!