Coming up on 9 months and need encouragement
 

After a while I don't think there is anything to be gained from reflecting on the past anymore, feeling endless guilt. The person that behaved in that way was a different person to the one you are now. Forget that person. They do not matter anymore and deserve no more of your time.

Be very proud of yourself for 9 months of recovery and for being the best Mom you can be. Take some time to pat yourself on the back for how far you have come.

I very much relate to your feelings of guilt and shame. They are very hard to shake. But, the thing is, those feelings will lead you back to drinking again if you allow them to do that. As hard as it is to forgive yourself, it's so important for your recovery. And remember that forgiving yourself doesn't mean you forget what has happened. It means you put down the burden and begin to move forward.

9 months was hard for me. I had a heck of a lot of shame about it. It was the longest I was sober in my life since I was about 11. I have 2 kids and I could not hear the WORD "alcohol" when I was pregnant or I would barf in technicolor. (I am deeply grateful that that was the case - it gave my kids the best chance in life and made it so I didn't have the choice to endanger them. I probably would have drank through both pregnancies if it had been left in my hands.) But every day before I was pregnant, I was drinking. Then I think I started up again two weeks after my daughter was born and I think I made it two DAYS after my son arrived.

So when I hit 9 months, I spent some time dwelling on the fact that it was the longest I'd been sober in my life. My mom (she's spectacular - but a total non-drinker) was all, "Look what you've accomplished! Look how far you've come!" But inside, I felt like a failure and kept beating myself up for my lack of fortitude and character.

As time goes on, I realized that every day, heck every minute and every second, is the longest I've been sober in my life. And I'm grateful for it. I have a high stress job and when things go wonky and crazy, they call me, because I'll deal with it. When my dad can't find the exact kind of compression socks that he HAS to have or there's a teen movie that he HAS to see but can't see alone because he can't be that creepy guy alone in the theater, he calls me. When my kids need anything, anything at all, they come to me. It was kind of amazing how quickly the people in my life came to recognize my worth and rely on me when I couldn't see any value in myself or my accomplishments.

So if you're in a bit of the Blahs and beating yourself up for your past, I relate. I was there with you. But maybe you can start looking toward your future. 9 months is OUTSTANDING. It's a heck of an accomplishment. You have so much more value than you are giving yourself credit for and you are living your life as the real you.

Congratulations on your sober time, and keep going!

On a totally different note - my doctor and I revamped my vitamins at 10 months. There are some that chronic alcoholics are low on, but after 9 months of sobriety, you really don't need such massive doses of them so much any more. You might want to talk to your doctor about that.

AmbyMarie,
when my guilt, remorse, regret, shame over stuff in my drunk past kept sitting there dragging me down, i finally "agreed" i needed to deal with it. meaning: i needed to stop trying to forget it, stop trying to forgive myself, stop ignoring it: i needed to approach those i had harmed and try to set thins right.
i hose the suggested program of AA for that, and that worked well for/with me.
there are other ways to make amends, of course, but making amends is what moved me away from being tied to the past that way.

Amby- for me getting sober was just the first step in recovery. Working on the reasons why I drank- the mental bits- that is the real challenge now. Jan is a crap month for me, for reasons well documented on other threads- and I go into survival mode- rest, eat, hydrate....BUT I also make myself go to meetings and see my GP and psychologist, to work on daily support and continue to heal..because just not drinking will not make the crap in my head go away.

Support to you.

Am,

I was in a living hell off and on for well over 2 years.

It is brain damage. The damage never fully heals.

The brain may have healed a bit and I may have gotten used to all of the hell.

I know that if I drink again I will end up right back where I started in a living hell.

I might not make it out next time.

Sr saved my life.

Thanks.

Nine months is wonderful! :hug: My first year had a lot of ups and downs, but by the time I got to a year, I felt pretty settled.

I am only Day 3. But full of guilt and anxiety. I hate this feeling. The reason I kept drinking

Hi there- I had my toughest times about the 9 month mark and I think it was likely the PAWS kicking in. It slowly but surely got better and I think that patience was the key. I actually went to my first AA meeting at about 8 months, I found this website, and did a lot of reading about PAWS and sobriety. Keep it up, be patient, seek sober tools and take steps towards a healthy life and, in time, it will improve.