Canuck76

I suddenly lost my mother recently. She was in poor health but not expected to just drop dead. I hadn't seen her in 2 years. Never had to deal with the death of someone so close.

I have been drinking heavier than my usual binges. Last week I drank vodka for 2 or 3 days. I haven't really drank hard liquor for years, just beer for the most part. Vodka makes me blackout drunk. No memory of those 3 days.

The switch back to vodka was prompted by grief. Intense at times. Never felt such grief. I certainly was not prepared to cope. Been alone all winter. Can't do it without drinking. I had been very cold here lately. -20 Celsius. Have not been able to walk to AA. It' warming up though thankfully

Dee74

Hi Canuck.

The way I see it is it hurts to lose those we love.

Grief is a natural process - it's part of the way we make sense of loss and then find within ourselves the means to go on.

Alcohol short circuits that process and the grief phase.

By trying to push it to one side we never get a chance to get over our pain ...the wound remains red and raw, needing more and more alcohol to try to push it to one side

We end up in a loop of pain.

Alcohol short circuits that process and the grief phase. by trying to push it too one side we never get a chance to get over our pain ...and that way the wound remains red and raw, needing more and more alcohol to try to push it to one side

If you're finding your grief intolerable, maybe seeing your Dr or a grief counsellor is the way to go Canuck?

D

Delilah1

Hi Canuck,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom the day after Christmas, so I know exactly the sadness you are feeling. I lived 3000 miles away, and was not able to make it home in time to say goodbye.

I'm copying something from my post celebrating three years sober, it was the day after my mom's funeral.


" The past three years have been filled with lots of wonderful memories, and I have also tackled some of the most difficult times of my life. The hardest being losing my mom last Wednesday, I felt such incredible sadness, and emptiness, but alcohol was never even a thought. Instead, I let myself feel and grieve. I cried (lots), I went for walks to clear my head, I wrote a eulogy that allowed me to express my feelings in words, and share them with those closest to me. I leaned on family and friends, and I wasn't afraid to ask for help. These are all things I've learned through recovery."

I know you are feeling alone and empty after losing your mom, alcohol is only blurring your feelings, it isn't allowing you to grieve your mom properly. Stop drinking if you still are, get rid of whatever alcohol you have in the house. Tomorrow go for a walk and try to clear your head. Write a eulogy for your mom, even if it is only for your eyes. Remember all of the things that made her special, and try to remember some of the funny moments, they help.

There are several of us who have lost parents recently. Please know each of us is here to support you as you grieve this loss.

Sending so much love and support your way.

❤️Delilah

Offthemast

I'm so in that loop I'm seeing/reading double.

least

I've gone thru grief over the loss of my mom, my cat, and my old dog. I went thru it sober. And tho it took a while after each loss, I was finally able to think of them without that sharp stab of pain I felt at first.

I hope you'll use the support here to help you to stop drinking for good.

Stayingsassy

I lost my father on 1/18.

I am still sober. I am grateful that I had enough sobriety to go through this grief work without drinking.

I cannot even imagine the aftermath of drinking with the amount of pain I’ve felt. The bottoming out the morning after would be unbelievable. Adding to sadness, guilt, pain the usual anxiety, shakes and sense of shame. I was spared that. I am sorry you are not.

I said in a post I put up about my dad that if I hadn’t had so much time that sobriety feels normal to me, I would be drinking. The pain I’ve felt over losing my father is unlike any I’ve ever experienced in my life. He was one of my favorite people.

I had discussions with my dad in the past year, about drinking. He was inordinately glad I had quit. He was an alcoholic too, and struggled with sobriety, he was happy I quit. He would be happy now that his death did not cause me to return to drinking.

I started sobriety with a mantra. “I don’t drink, no matter what.”

I thought the pinnacle of my “no matter what” challenges had been met when I gained weight, still suffered with some depression, kept isolating, etc.

That pinnacle had not been met.

But right now, at this time in my life, the mantra isn’t said every day. And it has shortened to “I don’t drink,” because I don’t have to steel myself against the sway and listing in the storms, not drinking is so commonplace and so integrated into my psyche that it’s no longer a question my brain asks about. Or if it does, it’s regarded with an almost clinical lack of emotion. So the no matter what part is almost not necessary any more.

I am so sorry for your loss. Grief or no grief; or pain and loneliness, frustration, feeling a void inside, feeling lost, wishing for happiness....because life deals all of this and more: I wish for you a state of being in which not only do you not drink, you just don’t need to anymore.

Canuck76

I feel very guilty about drinking. Lying about everything to everyone. I am reaching a point of no return with all my drinking/drugging. I like being sober. My dad doesn't have much time left I would guess. He has heart issues.

Day 3 now and feeling good

Stayingsassy

Day 3 is excellent. Ditch your guilt for now. Your only task is sobriety. You do not need to feel guilty about your sobriety, right? You are sober now, so ditch the guilt.

Guilt is a big black dog that will follow you around for a long time: lock that dog up until you have enough sober time to feel comfortable addressing it.

Soberwolf

Well done mate

ReadyAtLast

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. My thoughts are with you.

my sister died unexpectedly last week. I've not had a drink but was very worried about the funeral get togetter. I posted on here loads of reasons not to drink because of the bad things I'd do.

So many people responded and switched it round. Don't look at the bad things I might do at the funeral when drunk but stay sober for positive reasons. To be there for others to honour the memory of your loved one and to give yourself time and space to grieve properly not blanked out or blacked out by booze. I wish you well.