Class of February 2019 Support Thread Pt 1
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 268
Originally Posted by Addy47 
I’m back. Can’t sleep. Racing thoughts. Can’t stop thinking about how much time I wasted drinking in my life. I wish I could go back in time & do it all over again. Makes me very sad. I’m feeling very depressed right now. That seems to be a common symptom of early sobriety for me. This is usually when I cave because it’s so painful. It’s crippling. Have you ever felt so sad that you can’t even cry? :-( I know if I just don’t pick up no matter what it will get better. It’s hard.
We just need to put the past to rest if we want a future...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
I made it through the "close call" last night. Upon reflection this morning, I realized that I was Hungry (no dinner), Angry (at my husband, Lonely (he left the house to "clear his head) and Tired (I had just woken up from a nap) (HALT)....the perfect set up to drink. I did not stop at our little store to buy a bottle of wine, which is what I was about to do and would have done 4 days ago. AND....hubby couldn't say, "it's the booze talking", which he has said many times in the past. Today all is well and I WILL get those taxes done! I am also going to "get a life". I isolated myself, pretty much while drinking, not wanting others to see how much I drank, not wanting to drive,not wanting to do ANYTHING. Today I am relatively clear headed, motivated, and sober (day 5). Whew!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
I also use the Headspace app for meditation. I love it although I might not renew when my one year subscription is up. Until then, I'm finding it very helpful in learning different techniques.
I just learned that my wife and I will be having dinner Friday with two other couples at a "craft distillery". Ugh. I checked out their menu and aside from the obvious offering of craft liquors, they do have an interesting looking food menu. Not drinking will be awkward as the two other gents will be indulging the alcohol, but I'm not too worried.
Have a good day everyone!
I just learned that my wife and I will be having dinner Friday with two other couples at a "craft distillery". Ugh. I checked out their menu and aside from the obvious offering of craft liquors, they do have an interesting looking food menu. Not drinking will be awkward as the two other gents will be indulging the alcohol, but I'm not too worried.
Have a good day everyone!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
Great job Trudging! Whenever I'm tempted, I find it helpful to find something to do. Drinking robbed me of motivation to complete tasks in the past. I would come home, have a quick drink, and whatever motivation I had to do anything went out the window. Now I turn it around. If I feel the tug to drink, I immediately take the dog for a walk, go workout, or something similar. Result is not drinking, a happy dog, and a healthier body.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 322
A tip for headspace users.. a yearly sub is £60+ but if you register with anxiety.co.uk for £30 you get a year on headspace 'free'. Also type headspace into ebay and you can often buy a yearfor under a tenner..
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
Yes, great ideas, WD....I am sure that stress and feeling overwhelmed didn't help either. Sometimes I think "Who cares if I drink? or"no one will know"...but I know...and I WANT to stay sober this time. I'm going for a long walk this morning, before I do taxes (lol) and today I do feel healthier and happier since I'm sober! YAY! Believe it or not, the argument revolved around the time my husband spends at the gym, and the fact that he NEVER stops talking about the gym, his new diet, etc. etc. We are used to spending a LOT of time together (sometimes 24/7) since we're retired, so this is new territory....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
SK ... I just looked on Ebay and there's a Headspace annual subscription for $6.50! How does that work?! I was going back and forth at the end of 2018 about getting a subscription, then they had a limited reduced price and I jumped on it. I like it very much.
Trudging ... I've probably irked my wife a time or two (or three or ...) talking endlessly about some newly discovered passion. Guilty!
Trudging ... I've probably irked my wife a time or two (or three or ...) talking endlessly about some newly discovered passion. Guilty!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 500
Originally Posted by WhoDey
SK ... I just looked on Ebay and there's a Headspace annual subscription for $6.50! How does that work?! I was going back and forth at the end of 2018 about getting a subscription, then they had a limited reduced price and I jumped on it. I like it very much.
Trudging ... I've probably irked my wife a time or two (or three or ...) talking endlessly about some newly discovered passion. Guilty!
Trudging ... I've probably irked my wife a time or two (or three or ...) talking endlessly about some newly discovered passion. Guilty!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 500
Originally Posted by WhoDey
HaHa! When I first came back to SR, I saw some of your posts WhoDeyPI!!
Funny.
Funny.
Never would I have guessed there would be another Bengal fan on here.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Hi everyone, finally checking in on day 7. I just couldn't seem to get going today. I have been feeling pretty depressed lately. I feel like I am "stuck". Do you know what I mean? It's crippling really. I hate it.
I know what I NEED to do (and what will help) but I can't seem to get to a place where I feel good enough to actually do it. I've never really struggled with depression before. It's always been anxiety. I am pretty sure this depression is my brain and body trying to heal itself from all the damage I did drinking. Regardless, it is painful.
I am going to force myself to get on a more regular schedule starting tomorrow. I am going to go to bed at a normal time tonight and get up at a normal time tomorrow instead of laying in bed all freaking day feeling depressed. AND I am going to an AA meeting (maybe 2) in the morning and exercising for at least an hour. I am promising myself.
So here is a little bit of my story:
I am 47 (ugh...seems so old
). I have been a stay-at-home mom to 3 kids for over 20 years. They are all teenagers now (1 in college) and don't really need me anymore because they all drive and have their own lives now (youngest is 16). I have been married for 21 years. I have 2 rescue cats and a dog. We live in a very nice area and beautiful neighborhood in the midwest (USA). Everything looks "great" on the outside if you know what I mean.
Before I became a stay-at-home mom I had a really nice career in human resources. I would never change being a stay at home mom and raising my kids because they are everything to me but I think I have lost myself in the last 20 years and that's part of why I started drinking.
The other part of why I started drinking is TRAUMA. Mother and grandmother were severely abusive when I was a child and I was also sexually assaulted when I was in high school. I have been diagnosed with severe PTSD and pretty bad anxiety. Years of therapy didnt help much unfortunately.
I used alcohol to numb all that pain until it didn't work anymore. Now I am a middle-aged (did I just say that? lol
) mother and wife who is seriously LOST in my life. Don't get me wrong...I am so grateful for the 3 beautiful children we have and an amazing husband who has stuck by me through thick and thin but I need to find out who I am and get a life for myself that makes me happy.
Drinking is now enemy #1 and probably has been for a very long time. I know with every fiber in my body that if I keep drinking it will not end well because the severe depression I fall into after a binge. I have also had some pretty serious consequences as a result of my drinking and I know they will only get worse if I don't remain sober.
I want to reclaim my life and happiness! I am determined to do it guys. I am tired of numbing out my life by either drinking or sleeping.
Happier things about me: I really care about people and would do anything for someone in need. I absolutely LOVE my 3 children and doing things with and for them. My #1 goal in life has always been to raise happy children who don't have to recover from their childhood and I think I have done that so far. I have a very supportive husband. I am a huge animal lover. I love to cook, hike, roller blade, snow ski, go on nature walks, watch sports, do ANYTHING outside and watch good netflix shows with my 3 animals sleeping on my lap. ha.
Well if you read all of that thank you for caring. I really want to get out of this dark place and I hope we can all go on this journey to sobriety and happiness together.
I know what I NEED to do (and what will help) but I can't seem to get to a place where I feel good enough to actually do it. I've never really struggled with depression before. It's always been anxiety. I am pretty sure this depression is my brain and body trying to heal itself from all the damage I did drinking. Regardless, it is painful.
I am going to force myself to get on a more regular schedule starting tomorrow. I am going to go to bed at a normal time tonight and get up at a normal time tomorrow instead of laying in bed all freaking day feeling depressed. AND I am going to an AA meeting (maybe 2) in the morning and exercising for at least an hour. I am promising myself.
So here is a little bit of my story:
I am 47 (ugh...seems so old
). I have been a stay-at-home mom to 3 kids for over 20 years. They are all teenagers now (1 in college) and don't really need me anymore because they all drive and have their own lives now (youngest is 16). I have been married for 21 years. I have 2 rescue cats and a dog. We live in a very nice area and beautiful neighborhood in the midwest (USA). Everything looks "great" on the outside if you know what I mean.Before I became a stay-at-home mom I had a really nice career in human resources. I would never change being a stay at home mom and raising my kids because they are everything to me but I think I have lost myself in the last 20 years and that's part of why I started drinking.
The other part of why I started drinking is TRAUMA. Mother and grandmother were severely abusive when I was a child and I was also sexually assaulted when I was in high school. I have been diagnosed with severe PTSD and pretty bad anxiety. Years of therapy didnt help much unfortunately.
I used alcohol to numb all that pain until it didn't work anymore. Now I am a middle-aged (did I just say that? lol
) mother and wife who is seriously LOST in my life. Don't get me wrong...I am so grateful for the 3 beautiful children we have and an amazing husband who has stuck by me through thick and thin but I need to find out who I am and get a life for myself that makes me happy. Drinking is now enemy #1 and probably has been for a very long time. I know with every fiber in my body that if I keep drinking it will not end well because the severe depression I fall into after a binge. I have also had some pretty serious consequences as a result of my drinking and I know they will only get worse if I don't remain sober.
I want to reclaim my life and happiness! I am determined to do it guys. I am tired of numbing out my life by either drinking or sleeping.
Happier things about me: I really care about people and would do anything for someone in need. I absolutely LOVE my 3 children and doing things with and for them. My #1 goal in life has always been to raise happy children who don't have to recover from their childhood and I think I have done that so far. I have a very supportive husband. I am a huge animal lover. I love to cook, hike, roller blade, snow ski, go on nature walks, watch sports, do ANYTHING outside and watch good netflix shows with my 3 animals sleeping on my lap. ha.
Well if you read all of that thank you for caring. I really want to get out of this dark place and I hope we can all go on this journey to sobriety and happiness together.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Hopeful528: the anxiety of early sobriety is crippling, isn’t it? But youre right…it will only get better from here as long as we stay sober.
Foie: Thank you for sharing your story. I like getting to know you guys better. I can relate to many things you shared. Good phrase: “don’t should on yourself”. Easier said than done. I am jealous of your “long day”. I need a life! Ugh. (you will understand after you read my bio)
Listae: Thank you to YOU too for sharing your story. It sounds like we are all dealing with some serious pain and consequences but if we stick together and stay sober it will get better! I am trying to have hope.
AwkwardKitty: I have tried those meditations but I don’t do very well with shutting my head off. I should try them again!
WhoDey: Congrats on day 5. Keep going!
Canuck: Congrats on 10 days! I totally relate to this: “I have a problem that most people would love to have: too much time on my hands. Alcohol was always a way for me to solve boredom.”
*I need a job…any job…just a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I will focus on my sobriety for a while first though and maybe make my “job” AA meetings and sobriety. Baby steps.
AND I relate to this: (you and I feel and think very similarly) I completely relate to this Addy. I sometimes feel I am 'mourning' a lost life. I have been an alcoholic for somewhere between 12-15 years. It's hard to pin down when I crossed that line but that is how much time I feel alcohol has controlled me. The past few years, I drank to cope with my regrets, guilt, and shame. Anxiety attacks hit me out of nowhere now.
StartingOver: Hang in there. Those hot/cold flashes suck. I like the people in AA. It’s nice to be face to face with people who truly understand. It also gives me hope when I see how much better their lives have gotten after being sober for a while. I look forward to hearing what you think about it!
Trudging: I am so glad you didn’t drink! I have to watch HALT too! As a matter of fact…I just realized I need to eat because I am hungry. Thanks for the reminder!
I related to this: (it’s sooo me too) I am also going to "get a life". I isolated myself, pretty much while drinking, not wanting others to see how much I drank, not wanting to drive,not wanting to do ANYTHING.
We can do it! Let’s stick together. I hope you enjoyed your walk and got your taxes done!
WhoDeyPI: Funny that you and WhoDey are both Bengals fans! Small world!
Foie: Thank you for sharing your story. I like getting to know you guys better. I can relate to many things you shared. Good phrase: “don’t should on yourself”. Easier said than done. I am jealous of your “long day”. I need a life! Ugh. (you will understand after you read my bio)
Listae: Thank you to YOU too for sharing your story. It sounds like we are all dealing with some serious pain and consequences but if we stick together and stay sober it will get better! I am trying to have hope.
AwkwardKitty: I have tried those meditations but I don’t do very well with shutting my head off. I should try them again!
WhoDey: Congrats on day 5. Keep going!
Canuck: Congrats on 10 days! I totally relate to this: “I have a problem that most people would love to have: too much time on my hands. Alcohol was always a way for me to solve boredom.”
*I need a job…any job…just a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I will focus on my sobriety for a while first though and maybe make my “job” AA meetings and sobriety. Baby steps.
AND I relate to this: (you and I feel and think very similarly) I completely relate to this Addy. I sometimes feel I am 'mourning' a lost life. I have been an alcoholic for somewhere between 12-15 years. It's hard to pin down when I crossed that line but that is how much time I feel alcohol has controlled me. The past few years, I drank to cope with my regrets, guilt, and shame. Anxiety attacks hit me out of nowhere now.
StartingOver: Hang in there. Those hot/cold flashes suck. I like the people in AA. It’s nice to be face to face with people who truly understand. It also gives me hope when I see how much better their lives have gotten after being sober for a while. I look forward to hearing what you think about it!
Trudging: I am so glad you didn’t drink! I have to watch HALT too! As a matter of fact…I just realized I need to eat because I am hungry. Thanks for the reminder!
I related to this: (it’s sooo me too) I am also going to "get a life". I isolated myself, pretty much while drinking, not wanting others to see how much I drank, not wanting to drive,not wanting to do ANYTHING.
We can do it! Let’s stick together. I hope you enjoyed your walk and got your taxes done!
WhoDeyPI: Funny that you and WhoDey are both Bengals fans! Small world!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 268
Originally Posted by Hopeful528
On day 2 horrible anxiety feel like I'm crawling out of my own skin.
Feel calm and then horrible anxiety.
On the upside, things will only go up from here.
Feel calm and then horrible anxiety.
On the upside, things will only go up from here.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 33
To check in on day 15. I’ll keep this short because I am crabby & exhausted. Don’t have an urge to drink. However, my sleep is still off. Up literally ALL night. And slept during the day a few hours. Same as when I drank but at least then I slept some at night too. Just feeling defeated I guess because I am not having the energy level I was hoping for at this point. To get stuff done during the day like a normal human being. But The exhaustion during the day & memories/worries/surfacing feelings at night are killing me.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Sometimes when I'm low I have to force myself to do things Adyy just one or two things each day that I know will help bring me back to where I need to be?
does your wife know you're trying to quit WhoDey? A craft distillery is an odd place to meet if so?
Canuck are there any volunteering opportunities around you - that helped me a lot with my free time in the beginning.
I hope you'll feel 'betterer' every day Hopeful!
HALT is good stuff to remember trudgingagain
Congrats to everyone hitting milestones today
D
does your wife know you're trying to quit WhoDey? A craft distillery is an odd place to meet if so?
Canuck are there any volunteering opportunities around you - that helped me a lot with my free time in the beginning.
I hope you'll feel 'betterer' every day Hopeful!
HALT is good stuff to remember trudgingagain
Congrats to everyone hitting milestones today
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
Hey fellow February class. Checking in to see how everyone is doing.
I had a good day today. For me this week (and day 7) has been more mental than anything, I reframing, permanently, how I perceive myself, this addiction, alcohol, and how I want to live the rest of my life.
I’m ready for this.
I was also thinking that because we’re February, it’s the month of Groundhog Day. Bill Murray repeats the same day for days, years, decades — but eventually he breaks free and is able to start his life again. Random and cheesy, but maybe this is the groundhog class.
I had a good day today. For me this week (and day 7) has been more mental than anything, I reframing, permanently, how I perceive myself, this addiction, alcohol, and how I want to live the rest of my life.
I’m ready for this.
I was also thinking that because we’re February, it’s the month of Groundhog Day. Bill Murray repeats the same day for days, years, decades — but eventually he breaks free and is able to start his life again. Random and cheesy, but maybe this is the groundhog class.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
