Almost 9 months sober, bye bye Pink Cloud. Is this normal???
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 128
Almost 9 months sober, bye bye Pink Cloud. Is this normal???
Hey all!! Been a minute since I’ve checked in, but happy to report that I’m coming up to 9 months sober and proud of myself!! But of background, I binge drank for 14/15 years, only really stopping for my pregnancies 8 and 6 years ago. I would drink about 2 times a week and could drink a couple bottles of wine, or a pint of vodka and a couple or beers at a time, shameful really!! At the end of my “drinking career”, the last 1.5 years, the binges were 3 days a week, sometimes even 4!! And could down a couple of bottles of wine a night easily. I felt horrid most days and wanted to quit for myself and my precious boys, I could feel the hangovers and the anxiety and guilt was the worst! I never turned yellow, no Terry’s nails, no pale stools or “liver pain”, but I’m still terrified of cirrhosis!! I did have a couple of times where I felt horrendous after drinking, like I was very ill, which prompted me to stop PERMANENTLY!! Once I got “scared straight” and realized how this was affecting my emotional health, I stopped for good and never looked back. Once I stopped, I no longer had any desire to drink AT ALL!! So no cravings, no AV, nothing!! The first few months, I felt great and looked great! Added bonus, I have been eating better and also dropped 20 pounds! But the last month or 2, I have horrible health anxiety and feel like I pushed for too long and am doomed to an early grave for what I did to my liver. I don’t have any “symptoms” really and have sleep great for the most part, but have had some worrying dizziness the last couple of months that is usually worse after working double shifts as a nurse. So I’m not sure if that is stress, something horrible, or paws, or what?? I feel pretty healthy overall, am still overweight, but the anxiety has been bad. I know I need to see a Doctor, it have no insurance and to be fair, I’m terrified he will tell me I’m dying from liver disease. I hate that I binge drank for so long, but am thankful I never daily drank or went through horrible withdrawals or anything, but I still feel guilt for what I may have done to my poor liver. I’m committed 100% to staying sober and have a lot of support, but I have felt random dizziness from time to time the last month and now think it’s because my liver is failing🙃. I’m hoping it’s stress, or paws, or just plain ol fatigue, but any encouraging words would be great right now. Let’s all do this, one day at a time❤️
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 128
Also, not sure if it matters or not, but I quit at age 35, and there were times over the course of my drinking days, other than my pregnancies, where I would go 4 or 5 days at a time with no drinking, sometimes a week. But the last 1.5 years, I hit it hard. My binges were out of control and I’m ashamed of myself😔
I think it's normal for the 'pink cloud' to vanish at some point.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Hello, AmbyMarie, I see that you joined up in May and now have nearly 9 months, which is great. I'm in the May class along with some other super folks who offer a lot of support to each other. You're doing great.
Probably nobody can assuage your worry about what is happening with you but a doctor. Check to see if you have a community health clinic or a physician that will work out a payment plan with you and be seen. You shouldn't see catastrophe where it may not exist, and if you're not feeling well it could be anything other than liver disease. Treat yourself to some relief.
Probably nobody can assuage your worry about what is happening with you but a doctor. Check to see if you have a community health clinic or a physician that will work out a payment plan with you and be seen. You shouldn't see catastrophe where it may not exist, and if you're not feeling well it could be anything other than liver disease. Treat yourself to some relief.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Virginia
Posts: 498
First of all - congratulations on 9 months!!! - that is absolutely fantastic!
My story reads like yours - except I was all beer & wine and I am much older - I wish I had quit at 35 - I'm early 50's. The liver is pretty resilient, I had my physical a couple months back and #'s were fine - I was anxious the entire month leading up to it - worrying is such wasted energy!
You have 9 months of healing - try to figure a way to see a Dr/PA/Lab tech to just get baseline #'s - get rid of the anxiety and worry!
One day at a time
My story reads like yours - except I was all beer & wine and I am much older - I wish I had quit at 35 - I'm early 50's. The liver is pretty resilient, I had my physical a couple months back and #'s were fine - I was anxious the entire month leading up to it - worrying is such wasted energy!
You have 9 months of healing - try to figure a way to see a Dr/PA/Lab tech to just get baseline #'s - get rid of the anxiety and worry!
One day at a time
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and congratulations on nine months. That's a great fete.
I went through all kinds of things when I ended my forty year drinking career.
Went to a doctor and it turned out all I had was elevated liver enzymes.
I still have them after ten years sober. They don't seem to know why.
If I were you, I would get checked by a doctor. If you're a nurse, there must be someone you can turn to for help.
Wishing you the best and try not to work yourself up about something that is probably nothing to worry about.
I went through all kinds of things when I ended my forty year drinking career.
Went to a doctor and it turned out all I had was elevated liver enzymes.
I still have them after ten years sober. They don't seem to know why.
If I were you, I would get checked by a doctor. If you're a nurse, there must be someone you can turn to for help.
Wishing you the best and try not to work yourself up about something that is probably nothing to worry about.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 128
You guys are amazing!! I know I need to see see a dr and probably get lab work. I hate that this worrybis clouding the progress I’ve made! I’m thankful to be off the drunk train and truly am taking it one day at a time. Things can only go up from here right?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
There was a time I had no insurance and the local hospital I went to had a sliding scale for blood work. It cost next to nothing. I didn't know that until I asked.
As for the rest, congratulations! Yes, pink clouds have a way of wearing off. In my limited experience, it's best to have some things in place when it does. It's like riding a bike. The pink cloud is the wind behind you but when it stops, you need to be peddling as much as you can to keep it going.
As for the rest, congratulations! Yes, pink clouds have a way of wearing off. In my limited experience, it's best to have some things in place when it does. It's like riding a bike. The pink cloud is the wind behind you but when it stops, you need to be peddling as much as you can to keep it going.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I am a month behind you Amby, congrats on 9 months lady!!
I have suffered with dizzy / lightheaded spells too and found that my blood pressure was low. Went to the dr’s but they couldn’t find anything that was causing it....
As others have said it’s totally normal for the pink cloud to poof into a cloud of smoke after a while so don’t worry about it too much. It just means you are moving into the next stage of recovery and maybe need to add some more enjoyable things to your life instead of it all being about not drinking which is positive if you want it to be xx
I have suffered with dizzy / lightheaded spells too and found that my blood pressure was low. Went to the dr’s but they couldn’t find anything that was causing it....
As others have said it’s totally normal for the pink cloud to poof into a cloud of smoke after a while so don’t worry about it too much. It just means you are moving into the next stage of recovery and maybe need to add some more enjoyable things to your life instead of it all being about not drinking which is positive if you want it to be xx
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
I was glad to see the pink cloud go. It wasn't real or sustainable, and in an odd way, to me it was a bit like yet another drug. BUT, I was so HAPPY that I no longer needed drugs and alcohol in my life.
I'm not quite two years sober and have been coming to SR throughout that time, and I've seen over and over people who reach a certain point in their sobriety, have some physical symptom probably related to the brain resetting itself (mine took well over a year), and become terrified that they have damaged themselves from drinking, usually their liver. And, over and over, when they finally get their blood work their liver is fine, or well on its way to being fine.
You should definitely figure out a way to have these health concerns addressed, but like I said, over and over....it's usually not liver damage.
I did have some neurological damage that still persists, and some balance issues, but my cognitive issues have pretty much resolved. I'm fairly convinced that I was in the very early stages of wet brain, and dodged a bullet the size of a mack truck. I drank for years, did many very dangerous self-detoxes, and my final binge went for almost 3 months of drinking wine around the clock with a fair amount of vodka and some prescription meds thrown in just for S&Gs.
Don't stress it, your body is healing, and it comes in waves. Try and eat right and exercise the best you can.
I'm not quite two years sober and have been coming to SR throughout that time, and I've seen over and over people who reach a certain point in their sobriety, have some physical symptom probably related to the brain resetting itself (mine took well over a year), and become terrified that they have damaged themselves from drinking, usually their liver. And, over and over, when they finally get their blood work their liver is fine, or well on its way to being fine.
You should definitely figure out a way to have these health concerns addressed, but like I said, over and over....it's usually not liver damage.
I did have some neurological damage that still persists, and some balance issues, but my cognitive issues have pretty much resolved. I'm fairly convinced that I was in the very early stages of wet brain, and dodged a bullet the size of a mack truck. I drank for years, did many very dangerous self-detoxes, and my final binge went for almost 3 months of drinking wine around the clock with a fair amount of vodka and some prescription meds thrown in just for S&Gs.
Don't stress it, your body is healing, and it comes in waves. Try and eat right and exercise the best you can.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 128
Thank you all for your positive encouragement!! I’m sure worrying is a waste of time, and I need to count my blessings and focus on healing! I feel like I dodged a bullet as well, and I’m no different the many others in recovery with the health anxiety! All of a sudden you are concerned about your health and body, when I was drinking, clearly I didn’t care so much🙄. I will continue to focus on healing physically, emotionally and spiritually. I know in hindsight that this is all still early days and my body and a mind need time to adjust to this new lifestyle. I will continue to use SR in my healing, it has saved my life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 500
Good job on 9 months! I think if your liver was failing, you'd know it. It was pretty obvious when mine shut down. But hey, if being paranoid of liver failure is your motivation to quit, go with it. Whatever works for you to stay on path.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: NY
Posts: 327
9 months is a miracle congratulations. Yeah the pink cloud does wear off , you’re right where you’re supposed to be. My liver enzymes were off the chart when I stopped they are normal now. Keep plugging away it gets better.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,909
Sometimes I wonder if you health professionals might not be the worst patients! 
In all seriousness way to go on 9 months. FWIW pretty much all of the people in my class (January 2018) seemed to hit kind of a spiritual/motivational wall around 9 months. Not like a want to drink wall. More like an existentialist meh kind of wall. But the dizziness etc. does sound a little worrisome. My guess is you’d probably tell anyone else in your shoes to get checked out even if it means paying out of pocket but maybe not. And it sounds like you’re thinking about going still.
Regardless, big congrats to you on this milestone and on taking care of yourself by getting off the booze. You are an awesome mom for getting off the boozey binge roller coaster.
In all seriousness way to go on 9 months. FWIW pretty much all of the people in my class (January 2018) seemed to hit kind of a spiritual/motivational wall around 9 months. Not like a want to drink wall. More like an existentialist meh kind of wall. But the dizziness etc. does sound a little worrisome. My guess is you’d probably tell anyone else in your shoes to get checked out even if it means paying out of pocket but maybe not. And it sounds like you’re thinking about going still. Regardless, big congrats to you on this milestone and on taking care of yourself by getting off the booze. You are an awesome mom for getting off the boozey binge roller coaster.
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