90 days dream ended
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 39
90 days dream ended
To save the trouble of browsing through my old posts - got sober in 2014, several detoxes. A year later got pregnant, lost my mom to cancer during pregnancy. The baby arrived safely, but I relapsed hard when he was 1.3y old (including 3 weeks inpatient rehab).
Got out of rehab, still some struggle but I promised myself that making it to 90 days sober will make a huge difference. It did! On 90th I found out I was pregnant again! So planned and prayed for!
But now that the second baby is 5 months I have relapsed again....
I am a primary caregiver not only to two young children but also to my grandma whose health declined rapidly in October.
Confesed to my husband that I have been drinking today. He didn’t buy it.. he knows it’s been 2 weeks, not only today.
With all the sky-high anxiety (seeing a doc, I am prescribed medication, does not really work anymore) I am at loss.
I need to stop but I am deep down into my cravings and self medicating for anxiety
Husband will leave me and take the kiddos if I don’t quit..
Got out of rehab, still some struggle but I promised myself that making it to 90 days sober will make a huge difference. It did! On 90th I found out I was pregnant again! So planned and prayed for!
But now that the second baby is 5 months I have relapsed again....
I am a primary caregiver not only to two young children but also to my grandma whose health declined rapidly in October.
Confesed to my husband that I have been drinking today. He didn’t buy it.. he knows it’s been 2 weeks, not only today.
With all the sky-high anxiety (seeing a doc, I am prescribed medication, does not really work anymore) I am at loss.
I need to stop but I am deep down into my cravings and self medicating for anxiety
Husband will leave me and take the kiddos if I don’t quit..
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I'm really sorry to read your story. I know from experience that I thought my anxiety meds didn't work either. It is only when I stop drinking that I feel better. I know that drinking affects the meds so they don't work and drinking makes me even more depressed and anxious.
I have a child although older and know how hard it can be when they are young. Seriously, it is so much easier when sober. There are people on here who have lost custody of their children because of drinking so please take it seriously. It can and does happen to people who really wouldn't expect it.
Have you tried AA or got other f2f support? What did you used last time to get and stay sober? Can you do that again. Maybe AVRT or SMART. You're obviosuly under such a lot of pressure and need help. Can you put the kids in nursery 1 afternoon/day and get to meetings or something.
I wish you well.
I have a child although older and know how hard it can be when they are young. Seriously, it is so much easier when sober. There are people on here who have lost custody of their children because of drinking so please take it seriously. It can and does happen to people who really wouldn't expect it.
Have you tried AA or got other f2f support? What did you used last time to get and stay sober? Can you do that again. Maybe AVRT or SMART. You're obviosuly under such a lot of pressure and need help. Can you put the kids in nursery 1 afternoon/day and get to meetings or something.
I wish you well.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
I'm glad you posted. Obviously, it's very important for you to get sober and remain in recovery, in order to be able to be the mother you want to be. You've been sober for long periods of time, so you know how to do it. The hard thing is to live a balanced life so that relapsing doesn't happen. But, you can come up with a plan that will help you to remain sober long-term.
I, too, self-medicated for anxiety issues. The thing is that alcohol causes more anxiety in your life and it doesn't help. You can find healthy ways to manage your anxiety and, I think you will find that you feel better.
I, too, self-medicated for anxiety issues. The thing is that alcohol causes more anxiety in your life and it doesn't help. You can find healthy ways to manage your anxiety and, I think you will find that you feel better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 39
Thank you so much for the prompt support! I know I need a trip to my doc to fill a prescription or change meds but due to the amount of drinking today I surely cannot drive tomorrow (especially since I have to take the baby with me, but it does not make a difference, DUI is off the table, sure).
The only thing I’m sure of is that drinking, sneaking drinks and hiding it is too much work.
And hubby is no fool, he knows my history with alcohol, he will spot right away if I have been drinking again.
I need to do this for myself and my amazing kids!
The only thing I’m sure of is that drinking, sneaking drinks and hiding it is too much work.
And hubby is no fool, he knows my history with alcohol, he will spot right away if I have been drinking again.
I need to do this for myself and my amazing kids!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
You can definitely do this, for you and for your kids. Getting in to see your doctor is a great first step, have them help you with the anxiety management.
What did you do after rehab in the past to help you stay sober? Are you home with your kiddos all day long? Are you able to schedule any time for you? That is important for recoverynas well, even just a short walk, or a class, bath, something just for you.
What did you do after rehab in the past to help you stay sober? Are you home with your kiddos all day long? Are you able to schedule any time for you? That is important for recoverynas well, even just a short walk, or a class, bath, something just for you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome back Ugnius 
I think seeing the Dr would be a great first step,
Not sure where you stand on things like AA (or SMART Recovery, Lifering...any meeting based support) but is that something you'd consider to help you stop drinking and stay stopped?
D
I think seeing the Dr would be a great first step,
Not sure where you stand on things like AA (or SMART Recovery, Lifering...any meeting based support) but is that something you'd consider to help you stop drinking and stay stopped?
D
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