Sorry I’m not sorry
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 424
Sorry I’m not sorry
So I admit I was an alcoholic, and I did do bad things that I needed to make an apology.
But, I also said I’m sorry for every action in my life. Is anyone familiar with this phenomenon? Essentially, I was apologizing for the human being I was, even if I did nothing warranting an apology? Even when I was sober? Even at the most minuscule things? This has been weighing heavy on me, because it’s been part of who I am for so long.
I’ve started checking myself when I’m about to slip out an I’m Sorry that makes no sense. I’m just not sorry for being me anymore? And the more I think about it, the more I feel like I was so weak and not the strong person I think that I am? I’ve been apologizing for every move I’ve made for 25 years...it’s hard to wrap my head around it? How did I fall so far down the rabbit hole that I was sorry for being me?
Anyone relate?
But, I also said I’m sorry for every action in my life. Is anyone familiar with this phenomenon? Essentially, I was apologizing for the human being I was, even if I did nothing warranting an apology? Even when I was sober? Even at the most minuscule things? This has been weighing heavy on me, because it’s been part of who I am for so long.
I’ve started checking myself when I’m about to slip out an I’m Sorry that makes no sense. I’m just not sorry for being me anymore? And the more I think about it, the more I feel like I was so weak and not the strong person I think that I am? I’ve been apologizing for every move I’ve made for 25 years...it’s hard to wrap my head around it? How did I fall so far down the rabbit hole that I was sorry for being me?
Anyone relate?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 252
Yes, Suzie, I can relate, too. I was married to a woman with borderline personality disorder for over 20 years. It got to the point I felt I needed to apologize for my very existence or the air that I breathed. Two years of counseling helped, but in my head my automatic response to just about anything, whether I had anything to do with it or not, is to apologize. I'm still very much a work in progress in that regard.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 424
Originally Posted by fini 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Totally relate. I thought it was completely normal to come from an either less than or more than position. And as my addiction progressed, my shame mounted, the more I was less than just about everything and everyone.
Weird to think I learned this crap....to constantly assess my position and worth in relation to everyone else. Sheesh. No wonder I drank. The idea that I am just, well, no better or worse than anyone else. And that all the comparing is just such a futile waste of time. Wish I'd learned that one 40 years ago.
Except me for me? Wow. What a thought.
Weird to think I learned this crap....to constantly assess my position and worth in relation to everyone else. Sheesh. No wonder I drank. The idea that I am just, well, no better or worse than anyone else. And that all the comparing is just such a futile waste of time. Wish I'd learned that one 40 years ago.
Except me for me? Wow. What a thought.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
Originally Posted by dafunbra
Yes, Suzie, I can relate, too. I was married to a woman with borderline personality disorder for over 20 years. It got to the point I felt I needed to apologize for my very existence or the air that I breathed. Two years of counseling helped, but in my head my automatic response to just about anything, whether I had anything to do with it or not, is to apologize. I'm still very much a work in progress in that regard.
Anyways, yes I can relate all too well. I remember it first dawned on me the crazy notion that I have the right to live just like anyone else. Chew on that for a moment. The realization that you have the right to EXIST as much as anyone.
It's like on the one hand, good on me for figuring that out and on the other hand, wtf?? So I understand what you mean when you wonder how did you fall so far down the rabbit hole.
One has to wonder just how far we can climb
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,963
Interesting. I never thought about it much until you posted this. When I was actively drinking, I apologized for everything even when it was t my fault. I think there was so much shame in my drinking, that I was sorry I existed and I generalized that feeling to everything, I guess feeling that I needed to apologize for my existence. I’ve been sober for a while now, and I think this need to apologize constantly is something I’ve outgrown (or outgrowing). I feel good about myself now, I’m aware of my actions, and I take responsibility for myself. If someone else has done something wrong, I am not afraid to speak out, and expect they should be the one to apologize. In the past, I would apologize for others wrongdoings in addition to my own.
Last edited by Fearlessat50; 01-30-2019 at 03:13 PM. Reason: Typo
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Originally Posted by Suzieq17
Thank u for this. It’s a keeper and will be something I keep to look at as a constant reminder of support.
that guy’s stuff turned me off at first, and then something shifted in me and i have really appreciated almost all his posts in his blogs.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 958
Oh yes, I can relate.
Long ago and before therapy, I used to say 'I'm sorry' constantly - even when it wasn't warranted, which was most of the time. It was exhausting and unhealthy for me.
I don't apologize to excess anymore. I'm a much more solid person now. I know my worth more now. My integrity is intact (for the most part). And I don't take on others' 'stuff'. Most importantly, I'm OK with others' discomfort that has nothing to do with me.
It was a process for me and a lot of work but well worth it.
I think you're doing great! Best of luck
Long ago and before therapy, I used to say 'I'm sorry' constantly - even when it wasn't warranted, which was most of the time. It was exhausting and unhealthy for me.
I don't apologize to excess anymore. I'm a much more solid person now. I know my worth more now. My integrity is intact (for the most part). And I don't take on others' 'stuff'. Most importantly, I'm OK with others' discomfort that has nothing to do with me.
It was a process for me and a lot of work but well worth it.
I think you're doing great! Best of luck
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
