367 out of 393
367 out of 393
I've been sober all but 26 out of the last 393 days. I know it seems like failure, especially to some people in AA, but I still need to note the wins in the past 393 days or I will see myself as having failed once again.
Tomorrow will be 60 days of continuous sobriety but I don't really feel like it's a big deal, as I have had about numerous 60 day streaks in the past 17 years. For some reason my collective sobriety in the past 393 days seems more of an achievement to me, as I have had to process the loss of my wife and companion of nearly 19 years, my former home, and the grandkids my wife and I were raising.
I'm trying to find a victory from the year 2018 until now, so I'm trying to see what good I have done through it all timewise. If I don't find a silver lining through what might appear to be rose colored glasses to you, I'm liable to beat myself up and drink again for not getting that elusive year of continuous sobriety. Where I live, that seems to be the measuring stick in AA of someone who has achieved something and somebody who is just an also ran.
I think I'm just looking for some strength from others and some type of encouragement to keep on going on this sober path.
Tomorrow will be 60 days of continuous sobriety but I don't really feel like it's a big deal, as I have had about numerous 60 day streaks in the past 17 years. For some reason my collective sobriety in the past 393 days seems more of an achievement to me, as I have had to process the loss of my wife and companion of nearly 19 years, my former home, and the grandkids my wife and I were raising.
I'm trying to find a victory from the year 2018 until now, so I'm trying to see what good I have done through it all timewise. If I don't find a silver lining through what might appear to be rose colored glasses to you, I'm liable to beat myself up and drink again for not getting that elusive year of continuous sobriety. Where I live, that seems to be the measuring stick in AA of someone who has achieved something and somebody who is just an also ran.
I think I'm just looking for some strength from others and some type of encouragement to keep on going on this sober path.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Arlington, Texas
Posts: 64
It sounds like you've been through a lot and I'm glad you are here. Every day sober is an achievement, and 367 days sober out of 393 is a heck of a lot more sober days than I had in my last year of drinking.
This is a great place, with lots of great people and support. Poke around, read, lurk, share, whatever helps you. A big metaphorical hug and lots of support sent your way.
This is a great place, with lots of great people and support. Poke around, read, lurk, share, whatever helps you. A big metaphorical hug and lots of support sent your way.
Hi and welcome back Stellar
I'm sorry for what sounds like a rough year - I hope you can make 2019 your best year yet., and congrats on your sober time.
I'm guessing AA is not part of your plans going forward - but you're very welcome here - you could do a lot worse than post here daily - it's an effort sure but it's an effort for your won good and on your behalf I think?
D
I'm sorry for what sounds like a rough year - I hope you can make 2019 your best year yet., and congrats on your sober time.
I'm guessing AA is not part of your plans going forward - but you're very welcome here - you could do a lot worse than post here daily - it's an effort sure but it's an effort for your won good and on your behalf I think?
D
steller,
My body and mind thank me for every clean moment.
My sobriety has been broken up by 2 drinks in the last nearly 4 years.
It is worth considering that the over arching "clock reset" rule of AA has caused folks to relapse hard when they relapse. Why not do it up right.....I am getting a white chip tomorrow anyway.
I can tell you that part of why I don't drink is to prove folks, including my AA bros and sisters, wrong.
I stay sober by any means necessary.
Thanks.
My body and mind thank me for every clean moment.
My sobriety has been broken up by 2 drinks in the last nearly 4 years.
It is worth considering that the over arching "clock reset" rule of AA has caused folks to relapse hard when they relapse. Why not do it up right.....I am getting a white chip tomorrow anyway.
I can tell you that part of why I don't drink is to prove folks, including my AA bros and sisters, wrong.
I stay sober by any means necessary.
Thanks.
steller,
My body and mind thank me for every clean moment.
My sobriety has been broken up by 2 drinks in the last nearly 4 years.
It is worth considering that the over arching "clock reset" rule of AA has caused folks to relapse hard when they relapse. Why not do it up right.....I am getting a white chip tomorrow anyway.
I can tell you that part of why I don't drink is to prove folks, including my AA bros and sisters, wrong.
I stay sober by any means necessary.
Thanks.
My body and mind thank me for every clean moment.
My sobriety has been broken up by 2 drinks in the last nearly 4 years.
It is worth considering that the over arching "clock reset" rule of AA has caused folks to relapse hard when they relapse. Why not do it up right.....I am getting a white chip tomorrow anyway.
I can tell you that part of why I don't drink is to prove folks, including my AA bros and sisters, wrong.
I stay sober by any means necessary.
Thanks.
Dee, I had some extra money in my bank account and in one bad binge, I squandered it all as well as a very favorable job situation. I was in a very good place, but did not handle my success very well when I had it. I think deep down on the inside, I was missing my wife and was trying to find a way to fill that loss. I have went through grief counseling but I do feel that in December of 2018, I finally let the lossses of 2018 go. I am ready to start living again and to do it right.
The social aspect of AA helped fill my loneliness. For that I am grateful. I have still have had judgement passed on me for relapsing, that is something I need to learn to detach from and not take so personal. I do have A new work schedule now, and that will open up the chance to attend the only 2 Smart Recovery meetings in my area. Best wishes to you all.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I'm sorry for your relapse, and glad you are on a continuous sobriety path right now.
I don't think those sober days are a waste - I do think they are dangerous for any alcoholic to risk the consequences of, which are always unknown.
I hope you find- and decided to stick to- a plan that results in the best gifts: continuous sobriety, lack of money problems or wasted funds, justification of drinking, self-doubt, and more. It's possible, if you choose a program that works for you.
I don't think those sober days are a waste - I do think they are dangerous for any alcoholic to risk the consequences of, which are always unknown.
I hope you find- and decided to stick to- a plan that results in the best gifts: continuous sobriety, lack of money problems or wasted funds, justification of drinking, self-doubt, and more. It's possible, if you choose a program that works for you.
The most important thing for today is: Don't relapse today, whatever happens or fails to happen. Just not today.
The next most important thing is to find and work a program of recovery and not try to get and stay sober on your own.
For me, that has been the AA program.
I was drunk every day for many years, had run through all my friends but a few drinking buddies, had a horrible marriage, and my job was slipping through my fingers like a handful of sand.
After 13 years of this drunken madness, I finally sought and received help.
That was September 22, 1988 and I haven't had a drink since.
I say that solely to encourage you, because if someone as alcoholic and beyond the pale as I can do it, I'm sure you can, too.
Let's both not relapse today and go to bed sober.
Then we can do so again tomorrow morning.
Wash, rinse and repeat.
Glad you're here.
The next most important thing is to find and work a program of recovery and not try to get and stay sober on your own.
For me, that has been the AA program.
I was drunk every day for many years, had run through all my friends but a few drinking buddies, had a horrible marriage, and my job was slipping through my fingers like a handful of sand.
After 13 years of this drunken madness, I finally sought and received help.
That was September 22, 1988 and I haven't had a drink since.
I say that solely to encourage you, because if someone as alcoholic and beyond the pale as I can do it, I'm sure you can, too.
Let's both not relapse today and go to bed sober.
Then we can do so again tomorrow morning.
Wash, rinse and repeat.
Glad you're here.
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