WaterOx

and I feel like that wasn't a good idea.

OK, so, sharing time with WaterOx....forgive the meloncholy of this post. I just thought I'd vent a little.

First of all, I didn't drink. I had a Pepsi with my pizza. But the place literally had about 50 beers on tap. It was a beer bistro. I didn't really know this until it was too late and I was on my way to meet my friend who invited me. I should have known, should have checked. I had every reason to be weary of this because he and I would go out for a drink all the time.

But he asked me almost a week in advance and I shrugged and said hey why not. I was already worried I was being anti social and it got the best of me and so I agreed.

I guess I could have had a worse time and I guess I could have been in a worse mood, but I felt like I was totally out of my element and out of my game. I felt grouchy, like I had to fend off any sudden outburst for any given reason. In fact I failed, at times and caught myself saying snarky things.

Hopefully my friend didn't notice as much as I did. I did my best to warn him when I told him that I made the commitment to stop drinking for a whole year.

I still don't think he realizes I have a problem. No surprise there, since I still wonder, too.

"WONDER" is deliberately in quotes, so please, spare me the lecture. I know that every action that I make in life shows I have a problem. I just don't want to talk about it nor do I want to admit it. It's not mistake I pledged one year to stop drinking. My mind can't handle forever. It can't seem to cope very well with one day at a time, either. Not the way it was. So this is the best I could do for now.

I really wish I hadn't gone out. I wish I came straight home back into my own routine. Makes me wonder if I will ever go out again or if anyone would want to go out with me again.

I'm not sure I care at the moment and I find that sad.

Anyways, I'm just venting. I think I need a nap. I'll try to learn from this lesson. I'll try. It's just that at the moment it feels like that part of me is dead and I feel sad. I don't know.

DontRemember

In some of my past attempts to quit I'd go to some of my same old 'haunts' for lunch meetings and always felt like you do. This last time I literally stayed home for almost 3mo unless it was necessary or work related (I'm self employeed,so that was easy)..after that I felt OK to go hangout for a few minutes from time-time,but never stayed longer than the game and most times either showed up for either the 1st half or 2nd half. After the 'rawness'/poor me of my situation wore off I can go anywhere I want now and never miss not drinking, it's the opposite. I'm glad I don't drink. Just give yourself some more time and be selective on where you go for lunch. Kinda funny how some of the best pizza places also have a very good beer selection and I do love beer..I just know I can't drink it and that's fine. i also liked the way 'cocaine smells' from time-time in the past and regretted 'smelling it' every time.

WaterOx

I was going to come back and edit this to make it less meloncholy but I guess you can't do that lol

Oh well. Just wanted to emphasize that I'll be ok. Just obviously having a down day the first time in a while now. Nothing very special. Just a reminder that triggers abound and are to be taken seriously.

courage2

Hi WOx -- you can edit if you go within a 15 minute window

I like your post. It's very honest. There are non-drinking social things I can do with some people I used to drink with, and there are people I can eat with while they have a glass, and there are people I will probably never feel comfortable even with a passing 'hello' again. It takes time to learn to live sober and happy.

You're doing well. I salute you

August252015

The good news is now you know one thing that's a limit for you - not going to places like this. I started doing one on one things with friends, usually at a breakfast place or having someone here to cook dinner. Most of the time, I was working and at meetings, or when I started dating my husband making time to do things with him.

Plenty of things wouldn't have been fun for me at first for a lot of reasons- gradually plenty just became places I didn't want to go.

Glad you shared with us.

August252015

Also, naps are always a good solution for a temp reprieve!

doggonecarl

You can't get your mind around quitting forever. You said, "It's not mistake I pledged one year to stop drinking. My mind can't handle forever."

But you can image never ever going out? Or that no one would ever want to go out with you?

That's the mental and emotional turmoil of early sobriety.

WaterOx

doggonecarl, yeah thanks for reminding me.

It's this surge of acute worthlessness that hits you out of nowhere. I have seen it before. Enough to know it will pass. In fact I'm already feeling a bit better, just getting some things done that I know I wouldn't be able to do if I ran to the bottle.

One things for sure: it's gonna be an ice cream night. Ice cream and The Warriors/Celtics. That sounds awesome to me

courage2