BIGDAVE

Went to detox, outpatient counseling, Naltrexone, 3 months sober, relapsed, 48 hours sober now, Vivitrol shot due on Tuesday, need to go back to outpatient counseling, and AA too this time, get out of the house and find activities, stay on the Naltrexone injections.I tried to get cute and take a holiday as my first Naltrexone injection was wearing off.Forgot the shakes, and the feeling like I was going to die or have a breakdown.Isolate, get miserable, do nothing, talk myself into drinking.Then remember that life with alcohol is even worse than life sober!! Have to do it for my elderly mother if not myself.Can't cause her any more pain and suffering, and can't be a drunk when she needs more assistance.Brother died, sister died, I almost died, and then my mother wanted to die when she found out I relapsed.She doesn't know I fell off of the wagon again recently, just that I am very unhappy and isolative.Poured the Vodka down the drain after a 2-3 week daily binge 48 hours ago.Now dealing with minor withdrawals and lots of depression.Had a couple of hours of black despair tonight but then it passed.Relearned that it's all or nothing for me, too bad I forget that or get to the point where the feeling dead while sober overwhelms everything again.Being stupid detoxing at home, but my mother would freak if she knew I was drinking again.She is already 95 with a cardiac condition.So its get through the next few days, back to outpatient and AA, and get my Naltrexone injection on Tuesday.Then try to live sober instead of just isolating and being numb in my room.

Lonewolf22

Glad you managed to drop the alcohol again Dave

least

I suggest you use this forum to help you stay sober this time. Lots of support here.

listae

3 months sobriety is greater time than a 48 hour relapse. You can do it. I have 24 days and I've been on SR all the time to get me through. Isolating has become second nature to me; so, I see it as a trigger. SR is totally safe, anonymous.

Delilah1

Glad you're back and have 48 hours under your belt. You'll find lots of support on here.

Snowydelrico

Stay close big Dave, we will help you weather the storm.
It’s very cunning this addiction.
As long as you don’t act upon any of its tricks you’ll get there.
Good luck dave

Dee74

Welcome to SR BigDave

sure do it for your mother - but not just for her yeah?
do it for yourself too?

I'm really glad I got sober, and stayed sober and got the real me back

D

D122y

Dave,

When I quit drinking, the addiction had left a horrible gap in my brain that wanted booze.

Everything triggered me. I remember eating tons of sugary foods to quell the crave.

I binge watched TV and worked out to fill the new time I had because I wasn't drinking, drunk, or hung over. I was very physically weak and had no real stamina.

Mentally I was agoraphobic bordering on paranoid. If had gone to a Dr., I would have been possibly given all sorts of anti d's etc. I stuck it out on my own and let my body and mind heal. It caused some ptsd, but it is all almost totally gone now.

I still crave daily. I obsess over things I shouldn't. But, because I am normalizing, I feel myself getting better. I relish dealing with life's challenges these days. I have an underlying fear, but because I am stone sober I know my decisions are real.

It is liberating.

Sr saved my life. Without this place I would have had no chance to make it out.

I had to suffer hell on earth, off and on, for over a year. I imagine some folks have it easier, some have it worse. Relapse, for a temporary reprieve, and it starts over, but from an ever worsening hellish position.

Thanks.

FLCamper

It helps me to think of the ocean or a roller coaster when things are dark - there will be an upswing. Just hang in there. Congrats on 48 hours. Make it 49, 50, 51 ..
..

rc29

Hang in there, Dave. This has been a roller coaster for me too.

WhoDeyPI

You got this Dave. Don't try to go at it alone.