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serenitynowplz 01-23-2019 02:53 PM

Dodged bullet
 
We have a vendor in town tmrw morning and my boss asked me to set up dinner for tonight. I panicked and Iím claiming divine intervention that they are arriving too late for dinner!

Lots o f lessons learned.
- I was pissed that my boss made me look like an a$$ by requesting a dinner the same day... it was for tonight. So I was a bit riled up about that.
- I would have been at the same nice restaurant where I had my last drunk which entailed blacking out and rolling in at 4am. Still no idea what happened other than the vendor ordered a gazillion bottles of wine and we were all wasted. Classy, right?
- Iíve been back there since then and ordered soda water. But that was w my husband and not a vendor. Will they think I have a problem if I order water? Will my boss wonder why Iím not drinking? It was sheer panic on my part just at the thought of being back there with a vendor.

So what did I learn...
I did not have a good survival plan in place for this type of situation. Iím fine ordering water when Iím out w friends. But I havenít broached the work situation yet. I actually considered just two glasses of wine and never drinking again until I must just to play it off w colleagues. Again. That terrifies me.
I am still so weak and cannot let my guard down.

In the midst of my panic I decided if I had to do dinner where I know the drink would be flowing w work people i would claim that I had migraine meds in me and couldnít mix. It would be believable.

And on top of that, I had to go they my iCloud today to find an old photo and in almost every photo Iím with a group or with my husband drinking. Wow... such a huge part of my life it was. Prob explains why he was always so angry at me. I was brought back to memories like... oh this is us all having drinks at the beach cottage before he found me passed out on the deck with my pants at my knees bc I peed out there. How disgusting. Or... oh, here I am completely hungover at a Red Sox game and oh look... here I am the night before getting hammered at the Boston opera house with my husband beside me looking furious. Seriously... it was like my drunk life and my fckd up marriage in pictures.

I forgot what the point of this post was initially but I hugely grateful there is no vendor dinner tonight and Iím also grateful for the stroll down memory lane.

Seeing the pregame photos where we were all having fun and knowing what came after almost every single time is just a reminder that I could never consistently moderate and a reminder that my marriage is a gaziilion Times better when my husband doesnít have to babysit me, wonder where I am at 4am or find my passed out somewhere.

Anyone relate?

Hopeful528 01-23-2019 03:13 PM

So happy that you were able to avoid a relapse!
I don't have the answer to what your solution is, except to point out
1. You know you don't want alcohol in your life at all, and that moderation never works.
2. You have a job where your boss could send you to bar that compromises your goals to not drink.

3. You need a plan

Hopeful528 01-23-2019 03:15 PM

I wasted many relapses through work. Its a hard one, when your job is dependent on it, or you feel it is. But its not worth it. And there's always some sort of solution, so I would start thinking of how you can better navigate through work without drinking

Hopeful528 01-23-2019 03:22 PM

If business depends on wining and dining. and it would jeopardize the relationship, Can you go to the restaurants you are supposed to wine and dine earlier, and tip the waitress and ask that she bring you only nonalcoholic drinks, so they think you are ordering two drinks but its only gingerale?


Does it have to be you that wines and dines the vendors? Can you approach your boss and explain that you are not drinking bc of being on migraine medication

HopefulYear777 01-23-2019 06:53 PM

Serenity. I can certainly relate although in my 3 weeks of being sober I have not been put in that type of situation. Quite frankly I dread the time when I have to be. I have been asked to have a glass of wine because that was the thing we used to do. I used the same excuse as you- I didn't want to drink because I started taking blood pressure medication.

This will be the excuse I use but I worry about upcoming events, family gatherings, weddings, etc. where people are accustomed to me having wine. I keep trying to tell myself to cross that bridge when I come to it.

I think your boss and anyone else will understand about the medical aspect of not drinking. Good luck to you!
Hope

Tonymblue 01-23-2019 06:57 PM

Sounds like most of my social events. All i can remember about most of them is being drunk and unhappy or hungover and unhappy. Conversely, all the times Iíve been sober have been fun and exciting. Glad youíre doing well. Keep it up.

Fearlessat50 01-23-2019 07:26 PM

Hi serenity, I can totally relate. I have clients in the wine industry. Wine makers. Fortunately, my job is not to evaluate their wine and I have clients in other industries too. I thought for sure last year at one of my visits, I was going to be asked to taste. Fortunately, tasting was not the focus and didnít come up at all. There were a few other meetings where tasting was planned and I called and said I had a conflict that day and asked if I could join the meeting part via conference and take a rain check on the tasting.

Iím so glad you started this thread. I need a plan too as this will come up again. Itís one thing to decline a glass of wine. I have many excuses for that. Iím in training for a marathon, Iím on antibiotics, Iím driving and Iím a lightweight, even ďno thank you, alcohol just doesnít agree with me.Ē But itís something else to decline just a taste. Just a teeny weeny taste! That never hurt anyone, right? So if I refuse a taste, will I offend the wine maker? Will they privately know Iím an alcoholic and will that be awkward?

It would be so much easier if I could just say ďno thanks, Iím an alcoholic.Ē I never chose that path though. Even if I did, I guess people would still have some opinion and may not understand. I have a friend who is very open about her recovery, and when she tells people sheís an alcoholic, sometimes they still say ďnot even one?Ē Lol.

Iíve thought about just using my usual ďno thanksĒ. If they press me, just say ď no really, alcohol doesnít agree with me.Ē And if they still press, ďactually, I have a very rare allergy to alcohol and it could kill me if I have any amount.Ē I like that. Maybe a bit far fetched. But whoís gonna say anything more? :)

listae 01-24-2019 07:07 PM

Congratulations for not drinking, for your mindfulness, and for your strength. For me, the first time I drank as a teenager I could not stop and blacked out. So, I know there is a biological component to my drinking. I can't speak for you. But I can't beat myself up for the biological reaction that I have when I put alcohol in my body. I have never ever been able to drink moderately and have also peed in my pants on several occasions and passed out in my theater seat. The important thing is that you recognized the problem/disease and you did not get into a slippery situation. INSPIRING!

ElizaD 01-24-2019 07:52 PM

Hi Serenity
I had a work dinner tonight and was the only person not drinking. I thought about what I would say if anyone commented on my not drinking but no one said a thing or seemed to notice. I had planned on ordering something like club soda with lime or a virgin bloody mary so that my not drinking was inconspicuous but I don't like club soda and who wants to pay $10 for a virgin bloody mary. Instead I treated myself to a diet coke, something I used to love but rarely drink now. While everyone else was getting tipsy I was riding a caffeine high. I am amazed at how slowly others sip their wine or finish their drink and it reminds me of why I stopped. I was a gulper not a sipper. Back to how to handle not drinking at work events, I think most people are too involved in themselves to worry about others drinking or not drinking and I may have a hard time sleeping tonight with all this caffeine pulsing through my system but I won't be hungover in the morning.

Chaz22 01-25-2019 05:34 PM

Excellent thread Serenity!

I've been in medical device sales for six years! Lots of hosting and events where most of it is about boozing versus any real relevance! Especially when the drinks were basically unlimited on the company dollar. I've stopped drinking for weeks at a time before, luckily it wasn't with my previous company and guy friends they would have looked at me like I was nuts and certainly would have gave in as the drinking was typically my idea! But since I've been to several social events with my fiancee who supports me trying to quit and doesn't even drink around me. I applaud you! I found half water and half cranberry with lime at the wedding worked great! I'm sure at my next work event I'll just tell them I'm on a new cleanse and working out. I would respect that if someone told me. My biggest issue is binge drinking alone to numb out. So thus joining SR today and utilizing all the help and resources it has and not being ashamed of it!

JustTony 01-26-2019 03:23 AM

Iíve simply told everyone at work that I believe I drink too much and that I want to try teetotalism because it seems to make me happy.

And Iím the CEO (where the shame could be seen to be even worse?)

It is what it is. I cannot lie anymore.


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