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Old 01-23-2019, 06:04 AM   #1 (permalink)
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2 months Sober tomorrow....


Hi All,

Last Saturday I reached my 8 week sober mark and tomorrow (Thursday 24/1) I reach the two month mark.

I'm not sure how I have got here. Don't get me wrong I am proud and grateful to have managed to be sober this long but I don't know what I have done to achieve it.

I stopped drinking on the 25/11/2018 and have been attending AA at least once a week (Twice when I can) and in all that time I haven't shared. I just feel that I have nothing to offer as everyone has been sober for so much longer and has already been through and done everything I am going through now. I think it's mainly because I don't know where to start because I have got to where I am without having really done very much or having a plan or going through detox etc.


I am here, I am sober. Yes I have trouble expressing my feelings and maybe that is part of it. That and I don't feel I can throw myself into the whole sobriety thing. I don't feel any passion for telling my story and don't feel I have any words of wisdom for new comers. I see friends who I spent most of our relationship drinking and getting drunk with and now they have a spark and a passion borne of their sobriety and a confidence to share things that I just seem to be lacking.


I know that AA don't require you to speak or to share your experiences but I am finding my reticence to speak is becoming an issue in my head. Even when I have the opportunity to say something, I find myself waiting till the end of the meeting and then using the closure of sharing as an excuse for having said nothing , the whole "We ran out of time so I couldn't" excuse.


Even in my counselling I can't speak out. I keep quiet and only speak if I am asked a direct question. Yes I gain a lot out of just listening and that fuels my motivation to stay sober but I feel embarrassed that I can't participate fully, that whatever I say will have no value to anyone .


Having said that I have just shared on here but I think that is because it totally anonymous. I don't have to look people in the eye or see how bored they are if I just sit here as a keyboard warrior.


I think that, having maintained my sobriety for this long and seen people I care about become stronger though being sober and the support they get from AA etc , my motivation and desire to stay sober are stronger than ever but I just can't find my voice in the real world and I don't know whether that is going to be my downfall.


Thank you for listening....
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Old 01-23-2019, 07:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi livingonwishes, 8 weeks is a brilliant start , huge congrats to you , I'll bet you ll find your voice as soon as your ready. Keep going is the main thing , things start falling into place as you go along.
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Old 01-23-2019, 08:03 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Congrats on 2 months Living, that is quite an accomplishment. Don't worry so much about not wanting to share just yet....keep doing little things here and there like you are doing here on SR and you'll go far. And as far as helping others, know that you are already doing that by sharing here on SR.
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Old 01-23-2019, 08:12 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Regarding "sharing"...

Maybe you're looking at some of the passion some people put behind getting sober. They are just the ones you actually see because they are the most vocal and most visible. Meanwhile, thousands more lurk behind the scenes just like you.

Glad you're here and congrats on 2 months. You may not think that is much but there are tons of people on here who are no more than 2 hours sober and to them you are a miracle in the making.
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Old 01-23-2019, 09:59 AM   #5 (permalink)
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It took me about 10 months to feel comfortable sharing. Itíll happen when youíre ready 😊
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Old 01-23-2019, 12:19 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Well done LOW.

I can understand not wanting to speak in public arena's. I think you may find if you did try- the fear of fear is probably worse than the doing.

Support to you.
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Old 01-23-2019, 12:33 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I went to a few meetings, wasnít for me. Wasnít big into sharing. I came here to post, listen to others and itís been very helpful. Whatever works for you. I too like the anonymous aspect.
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Old 01-23-2019, 12:39 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I think that listening, as you do, is so important. You don't need to share your story now, or anytime, unless you want to. I know that recovery for me, is a very personal journey. It's something deep within myself, and I seldom speak about recovery except here at SR.

We're all individuals, and the main thing is that you are doing what works for you. Congratulations on 2 months of sobriety.
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Old 01-23-2019, 12:54 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Congrats, Livingonwishes! You and your story is just as valuable as anyone elseís . Having said that, there is no need to share details if you donít want to (now or ever). I think itís a very personal decision and journey for each individual. I have been extremely private in my offline life with family and friends. I have shared more here at SR online than anywhere else. I think itís about what you are most comfortable with and it doesnít matter what another might do.

If you think sharing more would strengthen your sobriety, maybe you could start to share a little bit when you feel more comfortable. But, if not, thatís ok too. There is value in just hearing others stories. And just by your presence here, you add value to others.
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Old 01-23-2019, 05:02 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Great job on 2 months - I'm not very vocal either - I prefer to listen to the great advice and experience on SR. Stay the course
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Old 01-23-2019, 06:09 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Congrats. Keep your eye on the prize. It keeps getting better.
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Old 01-23-2019, 06:29 PM   #12 (permalink)
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some wise counsel here. Congrats on 2 months living on wishes

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Old 01-23-2019, 06:46 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Two months sober is great! As to sharing, you don't have to. If asked, just say you just want to listen.
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Old 01-24-2019, 01:24 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Congratulations, I hope I can say the same one day. I wish I quit when you did and saved myself from a lot of drama. Keep up the great work, itís inspiring.
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Old 01-26-2019, 05:37 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Thank you one and all. I sometimes feel that I am not doing what is expected of me at AA meetings by staying silent and listening rather than sharing but as several of you have said there is a lot to be gained from hearing the stories of others.
I went to a meeting on Thursday evening and I came very close to sharing but there was another guy there who needed to share and spoke up several times and I felt that he needed to unburden himself more than I did.
Funnily enough I have just been through a very trying couple of day that had they happened a couple of months ago my reaction would have been to hit the bottle in frustration and anger.
Basically my Laptop won't connect wirelessly to the internet and I have a need to spend time online as I have to look for work. I could end up having my benefits stopped if I don't spend enough time looking for work and also seeking out training opportunities so the loss of my internet access was a big deal to me. But rather than resort to the oblivion and denial offered by my chosen drink I sat back, took a deep breath and then made myself a Cherry flavour tea and watched TV (Blockbusters re-runs for those who remember the show, lol).
Just being offline for 36 hours had an amazing effect on me. I slept better last night than I have in months and when I would usually have been online in the evening I picked up the Big Book and started reading it. I've had it since the week after I stopped drinking but never picked it up.

Now I wonder why. I have only got through to the end of Bills story but it has had a profound effect on me. I started by using a highlighter to pick out bits that stood out to me and soon found I had turned almost every page yellow, lol... I now understand what AA is about and feel that I do fit in and can say and be what/who I am without being judged.
It was a real lightbulb moment. I may not share for a while as I am still processing what I felt and learnt but I don't fear any more and I now understand what everyone else gets from being part of the fellowship.
It's still early days for me but I now feel more confident an able to embrace my alcoholism and know that it will not beat me.
Thank you to everyone for being here, I never really realised what a difference having a community I could be part of would have on me but between SR and my sudden understanding of AA I feel empowered and able to deal with and defeat those nagging cravings and that little voice in the back of my head that says one drink won't hurt.. No it won't hurt and not having that one drink won't hurt me either and where as one drink will inevitably to the second, third, tenth I now realise that not having the first will lead to not having the second, third, tenth and my life will be better for it....

Thank you again for listening...
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Old 01-26-2019, 05:52 AM   #16 (permalink)
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That book is a good one.

You're doing well, I'm glad you're posting and thinking about all of it. Well done on that two months, too.
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Old 01-26-2019, 06:05 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by mariposa View Post
Congratulations, I hope I can say the same one day. I wish I quit when you did and saved myself from a lot of drama. Keep up the great work, itís inspiring.
You will get there I am sure. I hit rock bottom 2 1/2 years ago but rather than finding help I kept digging myself a bigger hole until 2 months ago when a friend helped me drop the spade and start living.. Had I stopped in 2016 I would have been in a better place and not had the problems or drama I did but I wouldn't be the person I am today or have the friends I have today if I did.....

Have faith and keep going!!
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