2 months Sober tomorrow....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: Cornwall
Posts: 60
2 months Sober tomorrow....
Hi All,
Last Saturday I reached my 8 week sober mark and tomorrow (Thursday 24/1) I reach the two month mark.
I'm not sure how I have got here. Don't get me wrong I am proud and grateful to have managed to be sober this long but I don't know what I have done to achieve it.
I stopped drinking on the 25/11/2018 and have been attending AA at least once a week (Twice when I can) and in all that time I haven't shared. I just feel that I have nothing to offer as everyone has been sober for so much longer and has already been through and done everything I am going through now. I think it's mainly because I don't know where to start because I have got to where I am without having really done very much or having a plan or going through detox etc.
I am here, I am sober. Yes I have trouble expressing my feelings and maybe that is part of it. That and I don't feel I can throw myself into the whole sobriety thing. I don't feel any passion for telling my story and don't feel I have any words of wisdom for new comers. I see friends who I spent most of our relationship drinking and getting drunk with and now they have a spark and a passion borne of their sobriety and a confidence to share things that I just seem to be lacking.
I know that AA don't require you to speak or to share your experiences but I am finding my reticence to speak is becoming an issue in my head. Even when I have the opportunity to say something, I find myself waiting till the end of the meeting and then using the closure of sharing as an excuse for having said nothing , the whole "We ran out of time so I couldn't" excuse.
Even in my counselling I can't speak out. I keep quiet and only speak if I am asked a direct question. Yes I gain a lot out of just listening and that fuels my motivation to stay sober but I feel embarrassed that I can't participate fully, that whatever I say will have no value to anyone .
Having said that I have just shared on here but I think that is because it totally anonymous. I don't have to look people in the eye or see how bored they are if I just sit here as a keyboard warrior.
I think that, having maintained my sobriety for this long and seen people I care about become stronger though being sober and the support they get from AA etc , my motivation and desire to stay sober are stronger than ever but I just can't find my voice in the real world and I don't know whether that is going to be my downfall.
Thank you for listening....
Last Saturday I reached my 8 week sober mark and tomorrow (Thursday 24/1) I reach the two month mark.
I'm not sure how I have got here. Don't get me wrong I am proud and grateful to have managed to be sober this long but I don't know what I have done to achieve it.
I stopped drinking on the 25/11/2018 and have been attending AA at least once a week (Twice when I can) and in all that time I haven't shared. I just feel that I have nothing to offer as everyone has been sober for so much longer and has already been through and done everything I am going through now. I think it's mainly because I don't know where to start because I have got to where I am without having really done very much or having a plan or going through detox etc.
I am here, I am sober. Yes I have trouble expressing my feelings and maybe that is part of it. That and I don't feel I can throw myself into the whole sobriety thing. I don't feel any passion for telling my story and don't feel I have any words of wisdom for new comers. I see friends who I spent most of our relationship drinking and getting drunk with and now they have a spark and a passion borne of their sobriety and a confidence to share things that I just seem to be lacking.
I know that AA don't require you to speak or to share your experiences but I am finding my reticence to speak is becoming an issue in my head. Even when I have the opportunity to say something, I find myself waiting till the end of the meeting and then using the closure of sharing as an excuse for having said nothing , the whole "We ran out of time so I couldn't" excuse.
Even in my counselling I can't speak out. I keep quiet and only speak if I am asked a direct question. Yes I gain a lot out of just listening and that fuels my motivation to stay sober but I feel embarrassed that I can't participate fully, that whatever I say will have no value to anyone .
Having said that I have just shared on here but I think that is because it totally anonymous. I don't have to look people in the eye or see how bored they are if I just sit here as a keyboard warrior.
I think that, having maintained my sobriety for this long and seen people I care about become stronger though being sober and the support they get from AA etc , my motivation and desire to stay sober are stronger than ever but I just can't find my voice in the real world and I don't know whether that is going to be my downfall.
Thank you for listening....
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Congrats on 2 months Living, that is quite an accomplishment. Don't worry so much about not wanting to share just yet....keep doing little things here and there like you are doing here on SR and you'll go far. And as far as helping others, know that you are already doing that by sharing here on SR.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
Regarding "sharing"...
Maybe you're looking at some of the passion some people put behind getting sober. They are just the ones you actually see because they are the most vocal and most visible. Meanwhile, thousands more lurk behind the scenes just like you.
Glad you're here and congrats on 2 months. You may not think that is much but there are tons of people on here who are no more than 2 hours sober and to them you are a miracle in the making.
Maybe you're looking at some of the passion some people put behind getting sober. They are just the ones you actually see because they are the most vocal and most visible. Meanwhile, thousands more lurk behind the scenes just like you.
Glad you're here and congrats on 2 months. You may not think that is much but there are tons of people on here who are no more than 2 hours sober and to them you are a miracle in the making.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
I think that listening, as you do, is so important. You don't need to share your story now, or anytime, unless you want to. I know that recovery for me, is a very personal journey. It's something deep within myself, and I seldom speak about recovery except here at SR.
We're all individuals, and the main thing is that you are doing what works for you.
Congratulations on 2 months of sobriety.
We're all individuals, and the main thing is that you are doing what works for you.
Congratulations on 2 months of sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,971
Congrats, Livingonwishes! You and your story is just as valuable as anyone else’s . Having said that, there is no need to share details if you don’t want to (now or ever). I think it’s a very personal decision and journey for each individual. I have been extremely private in my offline life with family and friends. I have shared more here at SR online than anywhere else. I think it’s about what you are most comfortable with and it doesn’t matter what another might do.
If you think sharing more would strengthen your sobriety, maybe you could start to share a little bit when you feel more comfortable. But, if not, that’s ok too. There is value in just hearing others stories. And just by your presence here, you add value to others.
. Having said that, there is no need to share details if you don’t want to (now or ever). I think it’s a very personal decision and journey for each individual. I have been extremely private in my offline life with family and friends. I have shared more here at SR online than anywhere else. I think it’s about what you are most comfortable with and it doesn’t matter what another might do. If you think sharing more would strengthen your sobriety, maybe you could start to share a little bit when you feel more comfortable. But, if not, that’s ok too. There is value in just hearing others stories. And just by your presence here, you add value to others.
As to sharing, you don't have to. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: Cornwall
Posts: 60
Thank you one and all. I sometimes feel that I am not doing what is expected of me at AA meetings by staying silent and listening rather than sharing but as several of you have said there is a lot to be gained from hearing the stories of others.
I went to a meeting on Thursday evening and I came very close to sharing but there was another guy there who needed to share and spoke up several times and I felt that he needed to unburden himself more than I did.
Funnily enough I have just been through a very trying couple of day that had they happened a couple of months ago my reaction would have been to hit the bottle in frustration and anger.
Basically my Laptop won't connect wirelessly to the internet and I have a need to spend time online as I have to look for work. I could end up having my benefits stopped if I don't spend enough time looking for work and also seeking out training opportunities so the loss of my internet access was a big deal to me. But rather than resort to the oblivion and denial offered by my chosen drink I sat back, took a deep breath and then made myself a Cherry flavour tea and watched TV (Blockbusters re-runs for those who remember the show, lol).
Just being offline for 36 hours had an amazing effect on me. I slept better last night than I have in months and when I would usually have been online in the evening I picked up the Big Book and started reading it. I've had it since the week after I stopped drinking but never picked it up.
Now I wonder why. I have only got through to the end of Bills story but it has had a profound effect on me. I started by using a highlighter to pick out bits that stood out to me and soon found I had turned almost every page yellow, lol... I now understand what AA is about and feel that I do fit in and can say and be what/who I am without being judged.
It was a real lightbulb moment. I may not share for a while as I am still processing what I felt and learnt but I don't fear any more and I now understand what everyone else gets from being part of the fellowship.
It's still early days for me but I now feel more confident an able to embrace my alcoholism and know that it will not beat me.
Thank you to everyone for being here, I never really realised what a difference having a community I could be part of would have on me but between SR and my sudden understanding of AA I feel empowered and able to deal with and defeat those nagging cravings and that little voice in the back of my head that says one drink won't hurt.. No it won't hurt and not having that one drink won't hurt me either and where as one drink will inevitably to the second, third, tenth I now realise that not having the first will lead to not having the second, third, tenth and my life will be better for it....
Thank you again for listening...
I went to a meeting on Thursday evening and I came very close to sharing but there was another guy there who needed to share and spoke up several times and I felt that he needed to unburden himself more than I did.
Funnily enough I have just been through a very trying couple of day that had they happened a couple of months ago my reaction would have been to hit the bottle in frustration and anger.
Basically my Laptop won't connect wirelessly to the internet and I have a need to spend time online as I have to look for work. I could end up having my benefits stopped if I don't spend enough time looking for work and also seeking out training opportunities so the loss of my internet access was a big deal to me. But rather than resort to the oblivion and denial offered by my chosen drink I sat back, took a deep breath and then made myself a Cherry flavour tea and watched TV (Blockbusters re-runs for those who remember the show, lol).
Just being offline for 36 hours had an amazing effect on me. I slept better last night than I have in months and when I would usually have been online in the evening I picked up the Big Book and started reading it. I've had it since the week after I stopped drinking but never picked it up.
Now I wonder why. I have only got through to the end of Bills story but it has had a profound effect on me. I started by using a highlighter to pick out bits that stood out to me and soon found I had turned almost every page yellow, lol... I now understand what AA is about and feel that I do fit in and can say and be what/who I am without being judged.
It was a real lightbulb moment. I may not share for a while as I am still processing what I felt and learnt but I don't fear any more and I now understand what everyone else gets from being part of the fellowship.
It's still early days for me but I now feel more confident an able to embrace my alcoholism and know that it will not beat me.
Thank you to everyone for being here, I never really realised what a difference having a community I could be part of would have on me but between SR and my sudden understanding of AA I feel empowered and able to deal with and defeat those nagging cravings and that little voice in the back of my head that says one drink won't hurt.. No it won't hurt and not having that one drink won't hurt me either and where as one drink will inevitably to the second, third, tenth I now realise that not having the first will lead to not having the second, third, tenth and my life will be better for it....
Thank you again for listening...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: Cornwall
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by mariposa 
Congratulations, I hope I can say the same one day. I wish I quit when you did and saved myself from a lot of drama. Keep up the great work, it’s inspiring.
Have faith and keep going!!
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