OtterIsland

Many of you know my more recent sobriety story – I came to a place right before Thanksgiving where I was sick of being an alcoholic and came clean to my Dr and my counselor and got some help from them to start on a new journey to recovery. Blood work suggested I have some issues creeping up and I need to nip those now. I felt strong and supported and was taking care of myself…for 40 days….and then I gave myself permission to let go of a commitment that was draining me more than it was enhancing me. And the response I got to letting that commitment go was not what I was anticipating, and it threw me off. I was not ready for it. And so, I drank.

I came to SR and was honest about what happened and tried to get my feet back under me, but I was too ashamed and too angry with myself. So, I spent the last three weeks drinking and giving up and not knowing what I want or how to get it.

I’m ready to begin again…for me….and only for me…. not for anyone else. I deserve this and I must make it happen….and whatever that looks like is up the in air right now, but I want to work on it. Wherever that journey leads me I must go, and I cannot stray and I cannot look back.

But I must have a plan….and I must tackle some tough stuff to get there. And I likely need to return to AA and forget about past experiences with AA that have kept me away. I need to start fresh with that program, which I’m sure will help me if I can just look forwards and not backwards.

And your posts here on SR are so helpful…. someday I want to be a source of information, comfort and healing to others on SR, but only once I figure out how to help myself and get myself on the right path.

Your support and care and suggestions are welcome…. appreciated and will be taken solidly under consideration as I try to work a program that will bring me peace, love and caring for myself.

least

I suggest posting often. I also suggest you post here if you have thoughts of drinking. Post before, not after. We'll try to talk you out of it.

SoberCAH

Great news that you're back, Otter.

I'm glad you're going back to AA.

It has certainly worked for me.

Dee74

I'm glad you're back too - sounds like you have the making of a good plan there otter - now you need to follow through

D

Hevyn

It's so good to see you, Otter. You sound determined & ready to do it this time. We know you can! You're never alone.

OtterIsland

Thanks to you all.

Heyvn, thought I had been determined in November, too. I’m taking it one day at a time.

Dee - you are always a ray of sunshine and saying helpful things to listen to. ❤️

Least and SoberCAH I will post here the very next time I want to drink AND I’m finding an AA meeting this week.....not sure which one or what day, but I’ll print the list off in the morning and fill it into my journal.

Bonniefloyd

You can do this otter. It sounds like you’ve learned from past experience and are ready to use it to move forward. You’ll be stronger for it.

Numblady

Welcome back. And hang in there! Glad you are here.

Rose7788

Hey Otter, your name is a good one. I hope all the best for you. I went to my first AA meeting in wow years today. There are apps on your phone for real time meeting finders and what type of meeting they are ect. Hope to hear more from you. Keep the momentum up.

Delilah1

Otter,

I'm glad you're back! This site helped me get sober. Try joining the January of 2019 class, and also check in on the 24 hour thread, having that daily accountability, and the support of others is really helpful.

Ayers

Welcome back. you sound determined and that's always a good thing.
Hang in here and post and read. It is what helped me most.

Soberwolf

in this together

Hawkeye13

Hey Otter--how are you?

OtterIsland

Hey all, thanks so much for the support.

Yesterday was awful.....I was so ready to just give in, so much for determination and strength. But I didn’t drink....I only ate, I cried and I slept. And went to work and functioned for the day, but the food, crying and sleeping took the place of my drinking.

Today was better and I’m going to post about it in the morning in the January 2019 thread. I’m at the end of today’s rope allotment and just can’t pull off the post tonight....but I did three great things today to put my new and continuously shaping plan into motion.

Tonight I can see hope on the horizon.

Hawkeye13

Well done Otter

listae

Great to meet you Otter and hear about your experiences. Shame over drinking and relapses has held me back so many times. But remember you have had some good sober time in the past. So it is in you to stay sober. I'm glad you joined the January 2019 group and will look forward to reading your posts.

ReadyAtLast

Hi otter. It's good to see you back and great that you have a firm plans and commitment in place .