Delilah1

I'm so glad you came here and posted. SR is what helped me get and stay sober. I posted and read here many times each day in the beginning, I still check in and read and post each day. I also planned out alternate activities for the times I would normally drink, it helped. You can do this, and I promise you sobriety is so worth it!!!

Doris47

I'm heartfelt sorry for the way you are feeling, I really am. All of us have had these feeling before. It totally destroys you. Be kind to yourself, sending you love at this horrible time. An please shout if you need to off load. We are all in this together, your not alone. Much love 🙏

Tinkerbeau

Thanks sugarbear yes i have bought the joy of being sober journal so going to start that, and read the naked mind

Tinkerbeau

Thank you delilah, yes i do need to think of some other activities for my free time, id be grateful for any ideas.

Thank you doris yes destroyed is exactly how i feel. It would of been my wedding anniversary today too, my ex was a very heavy drinker and left 6 years ago leaving me and my baby, i struggled with alcohol on and off since, i hate that im not a better person and cant seem to get control of this

Dee74

There's a better person in all of us TB - but we have to stop drinking to let them out.

There's been a few good suggestions here - I hope you follow at least one or two of them up - there's no change without making change.

D

Tinkerbeau

Thanks Dee, i know i am better without alcohol, just got to not listen to my alcoholic voice tell me otherwise.
Im going back into work today so that be one thing less to feel anxious about. Ive made a sign for my fridge as wildflower suggested and i will ipdate my accountability thread daily.
I have also thrown all wine glasses in the bin and most importantly made a promise to my cjild to be a better mam. Im scared but determined to do this.

Taooo

I used to hate myself too.

But you don't hate yourself if you get a physical illness like a cold; this is physical too. It's simply unhealthy neural pathways drilled into the brain from the years, and they will use every trick available to make you want to use again including feelings of deep depression and helplessness.

Weakness is quitting trying to stop and accepting you can't so this; true strength is failing time and time again but always getting back up and trying again. You hold yourself responsible because you have a conscience and that means you have a good heart; don't treat yourself hard for having a sickness when you eould be compassionate to somebody else suffering with self loathing the same way as you are.

You can do this; you just gotta find the method to replace the old life.