I think I've finally broken free!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
I think I've finally broken free!
I just got home from a fun social event but I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep anytime soon. I hope I don't jinx myself by saying this but I believe I've achieved the greatest milestone yet in my journey.
When I created my SR account at 20 months sobriety it was because I was dealing with bad depression related to PAWS. I was at my wit's end because despite working my recovery program I would have these spells where my Mr. Hyde would reappear. It sucks to put in the work to feel as if it is all in vain.
These spells were also a reminder that I was still tethered to a past that I want to put behind me for good. I don't want Mr. Hyde coming around, I want him locked away in some deep recess in my brain.
Since then I have tried to be vigilant with these bouts but...….they haven't reappeared. About two weeks ago I woke up in a great mood, just feeling positive and content. I believed that this was my high before the inevitable low but the high has just continued. Not a euphoric feeling, just a feeling deep in my bones of serenity and happiness.
I had also been suffering from periodic localized headaches during recovery. Sometimes around the eye, sometimes the back of the head, sometimes around the forehead, and so forth. The headaches have been gone for the same length of time.
Everybody knows his or her body on a primal level and I have a gut feeling that my brain is finally healed. It's the same feeling I had when I put down the drink over 21 months ago and just knew that "this time is different".
If the brain has finally healed of the post acute withdrawal symptoms that means one thing...I am finally free. I AM FINALLY FREE. All day today I've been reflecting on the road I've taken just to get to today. Becoming an addict shortly after my first drink, the years of misery, broken relationships, heartache, failed sobriety attempts, relapses, going through a hellish withdrawal I thought would kill me, PAWS...all of it has culminated in my freedom. Nearly 20 years of my life lost just to get to today. All worth it for the treasure I've received.
The promises came true for me. I am happy. I am free. I AM SOBER. That was the only thing I wanted this whole time. Not material possessions, not validation from others. The only thing I wanted was to be at peace with myself and with life.
For those still struggling please keep coming back and keep trying. The best it yet to be!
When I created my SR account at 20 months sobriety it was because I was dealing with bad depression related to PAWS. I was at my wit's end because despite working my recovery program I would have these spells where my Mr. Hyde would reappear. It sucks to put in the work to feel as if it is all in vain.
These spells were also a reminder that I was still tethered to a past that I want to put behind me for good. I don't want Mr. Hyde coming around, I want him locked away in some deep recess in my brain.
Since then I have tried to be vigilant with these bouts but...….they haven't reappeared. About two weeks ago I woke up in a great mood, just feeling positive and content. I believed that this was my high before the inevitable low but the high has just continued. Not a euphoric feeling, just a feeling deep in my bones of serenity and happiness.
I had also been suffering from periodic localized headaches during recovery. Sometimes around the eye, sometimes the back of the head, sometimes around the forehead, and so forth. The headaches have been gone for the same length of time.
Everybody knows his or her body on a primal level and I have a gut feeling that my brain is finally healed. It's the same feeling I had when I put down the drink over 21 months ago and just knew that "this time is different".
If the brain has finally healed of the post acute withdrawal symptoms that means one thing...I am finally free. I AM FINALLY FREE. All day today I've been reflecting on the road I've taken just to get to today. Becoming an addict shortly after my first drink, the years of misery, broken relationships, heartache, failed sobriety attempts, relapses, going through a hellish withdrawal I thought would kill me, PAWS...all of it has culminated in my freedom. Nearly 20 years of my life lost just to get to today. All worth it for the treasure I've received.
The promises came true for me. I am happy. I am free. I AM SOBER. That was the only thing I wanted this whole time. Not material possessions, not validation from others. The only thing I wanted was to be at peace with myself and with life.
For those still struggling please keep coming back and keep trying. The best it yet to be!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 177
Huge congrats, I too believe I'm goin through paws , symptoms literally the same , someday s feel like I've a terrible hangover even though I've nearly 6 mth s done , brain is definitely re wiring itself , thanks for great post ithinknot and wishing you continued sobriety .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
Thanks for the kind words everybody. It is a great day today 
The patience was absolutely the hardest part of all. For awhile I've felt as if I was in a sober purgatory: working my program but still feeling like a dry drunk on occasion.
Now I just need to keep meditating, exercising, and abstaining from alcohol forever. Three things I enjoy doing in the first place.
Originally Posted by Lonewolf22 
That must feeling amazing wethinknot there must be a lot of relief in that too? Patient hey? One of the hardest things to be but it often pays off!
Great post to read
there must be a lot of relief in that too? Patient hey? One of the hardest things to be but it often pays off! Great post to read
Now I just need to keep meditating, exercising, and abstaining from alcohol forever. Three things I enjoy doing in the first place.
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