I need help!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
I need help!
real serious support to stop relasping. i have been trying to completely stop drinking since 2004. I average about 10 to 14 days clean then I cave; nothing good comes from these 5 to 6 day binges. im desperately want to know why I can feel so determined and comitted to quit and in a blink of an eye Im going to the store. I come on here a lot when Im dry to read. i dont post often, I go to online aa meetings, but dont share. From all the posts I read and the people I hear sharing makes me believe I am missing the mark by not having real relationships with people in recovery who would hopefully know when my relaspe is approaching and could support me to fight back. I cant do this by myself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Originally Posted by mistory5 
real serious support to stop relasping. i have been trying to completely stop drinking since 2004. I average about 10 to 14 days clean then I cave; nothing good comes from these 5 to 6 day binges. im desperately want to know why I can feel so determined and comitted to quit and in a blink of an eye Im going to the store. I come on here a lot when Im dry to read. i dont post often, I go to online aa meetings, but dont share. From all the posts I read and the people I hear sharing makes me believe I am missing the mark by not having real relationships with people in recovery who would hopefully know when my relaspe is approaching and could support me to fight back. I cant do this by myself.
Run a shower or bath. Go to bed. Read a book. Watch motivational videos on YouTube.
Keep posting and replying to every post you see on SR where you think you can share and add opinions.
Keep yourself busy.
The Devil (your AV) makes work for idle hands.
JT
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 752
Mistory
I can only speak from my personal experience I’m in the same place I’m only 15 days I usually give up around 7-14 it’s not easy and definitely isn’t fun but you have to want to be sober more then you want to drink that is the only thing that has got me this far I know you read that and say easier said then done but the only thing you have to do is not pick up that drink and go to bed sober!!!! Try to find something that give you comfort and takes your mind off it stay on here until the feeling passes join a class read until your tired your definitely not alone and you can do it
I can only speak from my personal experience I’m in the same place I’m only 15 days I usually give up around 7-14 it’s not easy and definitely isn’t fun but you have to want to be sober more then you want to drink that is the only thing that has got me this far I know you read that and say easier said then done but the only thing you have to do is not pick up that drink and go to bed sober!!!! Try to find something that give you comfort and takes your mind off it stay on here until the feeling passes join a class read until your tired your definitely not alone and you can do it
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 67
I can relate also, mistory. I also don’t know anyone personally in recovery and that feels very isolating sometimes. I’m not joking when I say I haven’t missed a day reading posts on SR though since I gave up. I feel like that has made the difference for me this time because I don’t feel alone and there is so much experience and wisdom here. I also don’t share a lot and that’s part of my underlying problem of choosing alcohol as a coping mechanism. But you’re here, reaching out and asking for help so that’s huge. I agree with what justtony said keep reading, posting and replying and that may help get you through those periods when you’re feeling alone.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Mistory, it sounds to me like you have assessed that you need some more structure in your sobriety plan than just stopping for a period of time, letting the feelings respond to your AV and drinking again.
* I got a lot more out of face to face meetings, my choice was AA at the time for a variety of reasons that are unimportant, but I was going every day for quite a while (months) before I was beginning to feel settled more about recovery and the daily option of not drinking.
* I moved on from AA into addressing my problems that were complicating my state, depression and anxiety, and that helped me a lot.
* I have to express any feelings of mental distress or confusion to somebody to keep myself on a level track. I do that here in my class thread and in others on a regular basis.
* I still see an addiction therapist every few months.
* I am working on things other than drinking that bring me comfort, engage my mind in other ways.
* I should be exercising more.
* I practice CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) techniques to help manage my negative emotions and thoughts, because those do come to me (anyone).
* I have an emergency plan for dealing with the idea that I might relapse.
Do you think any of those might be helpful for you? Abstinence and recovery for me require a lot of daily work, no matter how I am feeling. SR is full of great ideas that can help you out with finding things that will work for you, but you need to identify what those are and stick to them all the time.
* I got a lot more out of face to face meetings, my choice was AA at the time for a variety of reasons that are unimportant, but I was going every day for quite a while (months) before I was beginning to feel settled more about recovery and the daily option of not drinking.
* I moved on from AA into addressing my problems that were complicating my state, depression and anxiety, and that helped me a lot.
* I have to express any feelings of mental distress or confusion to somebody to keep myself on a level track. I do that here in my class thread and in others on a regular basis.
* I still see an addiction therapist every few months.
* I am working on things other than drinking that bring me comfort, engage my mind in other ways.
* I should be exercising more.
* I practice CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) techniques to help manage my negative emotions and thoughts, because those do come to me (anyone).
* I have an emergency plan for dealing with the idea that I might relapse.
Do you think any of those might be helpful for you? Abstinence and recovery for me require a lot of daily work, no matter how I am feeling. SR is full of great ideas that can help you out with finding things that will work for you, but you need to identify what those are and stick to them all the time.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
I went to meetings, got a sponsor and worked steps. Nothing special, many have done it. You have laid out our thoughts well, follow your heart.
Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that.
" It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you."
Welcome
Alcoholics Anonymous
Pg 152
Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that.
" It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you."
Welcome
Alcoholics Anonymous
Pg 152
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
mistory, sounds like you are identifying some of the things that are part of your troubles.
staying in cyberspace, not sharing and engaging/participating in the meetings you click into...staying on the fringes.
getting really involved made a huge difference for me, and , as has been pointed out, the suggested solution in AA is the stepwork, not the support from others.
support is wonderful and helpful, but can't ultimately be relied upon to be there or be effective. and the idea of support being the crucial element puts the responsibility on others...which is not where it rests.
staying in cyberspace, not sharing and engaging/participating in the meetings you click into...staying on the fringes.
getting really involved made a huge difference for me, and , as has been pointed out, the suggested solution in AA is the stepwork, not the support from others.
support is wonderful and helpful, but can't ultimately be relied upon to be there or be effective. and the idea of support being the crucial element puts the responsibility on others...which is not where it rests.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I come on here a lot when Im dry to read. i dont post often, I go to online aa meetings, but dont share.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Thanks everyone for your suggestions and encouragement. I was sweeping up the kitchen this morning and I said out loud to myself that the worst agonizing thing about this alcohol problem for me is Im miserable when i'm drinking and miserable when I'm not. Now, how insane is that?
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
It's a pretty insane disease we have! Glad you are here - and you're right, you (probably) can't do it alone, and the best news is that you don't have to try.
IRL support is essential for me. Making a plan around AA, and other tools (psych, sober friends, SR, then yoga and plenty of other new habits), keeps me going in recovery. You can find a plan that works for you - starting today.
IRL support is essential for me. Making a plan around AA, and other tools (psych, sober friends, SR, then yoga and plenty of other new habits), keeps me going in recovery. You can find a plan that works for you - starting today.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,203
Hi mistory, I can relate to your situation except that I couldn't go as long as 10-14 days in between, 3 or 4 days was as much as I could manage and not even that towards the end.
I think a couple of weeks is the limit of what I could manage on willpower. In the end i took the drastic step of reorganising my waking day so that I slept through my cravings in the evening. It was tough but easier than facing the cravings head on when I would always crumble eventually.
I think a couple of weeks is the limit of what I could manage on willpower. In the end i took the drastic step of reorganising my waking day so that I slept through my cravings in the evening. It was tough but easier than facing the cravings head on when I would always crumble eventually.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Im miserable when i'm drinking and miserable when I'm not.
Its takes a little time and faith and effort but you can build a sober life you love, and be happy mistory.
No chance of that if we continue drinking.
D
Try practicing gratitude every day. That helped me a lot. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 985
Mistory: I have a very similar pattern. Now, I have 22 days sober because I made sobriety a round the clock (okay, not when I was sleeping) activity for the first three weeks. Also, I tend to relapse when the withdrawal symptoms start to fade away. Have you thought about why is at 9-10 days? Do you start to tell yourself that you can have one drink and then it turns into a 5-6 day binge?
I did the same thing for twenty years. In my experience, if I would stop for 9-10 days and let the worst symptoms pass then drink heavily for 5-6 days, the symptom of "feeling miserable" would not go away. A sense of lethargy and depression would still be there. It is only with every day sober does that sense of "feeling miserable" start to slowly lift.
I invite you to join the January 2019 thread. Many of us are just starting this month and it's a great, supportive group. You don't have to do this alone. I read what other people are doing to stay sober and then I try to learn from those tools. But I can only think of not drinking one day at a time. One day. Today.
I did the same thing for twenty years. In my experience, if I would stop for 9-10 days and let the worst symptoms pass then drink heavily for 5-6 days, the symptom of "feeling miserable" would not go away. A sense of lethargy and depression would still be there. It is only with every day sober does that sense of "feeling miserable" start to slowly lift.
I invite you to join the January 2019 thread. Many of us are just starting this month and it's a great, supportive group. You don't have to do this alone. I read what other people are doing to stay sober and then I try to learn from those tools. But I can only think of not drinking one day at a time. One day. Today.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
How are you today, mistory? Have you stopped drinking? Hope you check in here as well as the Jan class which is great that you joined! My Feb 2016 class was so important to me and there are some folks from it that I still keep in touch with now.
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