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GS Accountability Thread

Old 01-30-2019, 09:44 AM
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I also feel all those things you have shared in your last post.

To truly quit forever means no more Russian roulette with our lives, our family, our future--

Very well expressed GS
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Old 01-30-2019, 09:48 AM
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Thanks, Captain! I think I am doing great, too. Usually I find the first weeks hard, but it's been so easy and enjoyable this time
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Old 01-30-2019, 04:44 PM
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You never have to have another drink.
to me the key words there are 'have to' .
Recovery gives me my power of choice back

D
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Old 02-01-2019, 05:50 PM
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Still going strong. Everything feels good.
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Old 02-02-2019, 12:44 AM
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Glad to hear, thanks GreenSweater. Please keep the updates coming.
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Old 02-02-2019, 01:16 AM
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great to hear GS

D
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Old 02-02-2019, 03:26 AM
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I can relate to so much of what you've said G. S. You're doing really well, keep taking those baby steps forward, keep posting and don't dwell so much on the past. Take good care of yourself too. xx
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Old 02-02-2019, 03:35 AM
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Originally Posted by GreenSweater View Post
Still going strong. Everything feels good.
Awesome GS! Thanks for keeping us posted....it helps the rest of us along (or me at least)
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Old 02-02-2019, 05:41 AM
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Thanks, Purple! How are you doing this weekend?
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Old 02-02-2019, 07:06 AM
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So far so good....had some drinking thoughts yesterday, but I didn't drink so that's good....getting ready for Puppy Bowl Sunday
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Old 02-02-2019, 07:33 AM
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Aw. Puppies are a pretty good substitute for drinks. They exude so much natural happiness, who needs anything else?
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Old 02-02-2019, 09:39 PM
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I don't know what has happened to me.

It feels like some huge change, and yet...so small. I've always heard people with sober time describe that when they finally got sober it was simple: they decided they wanted to be sober more than they wanted to drink. I finally know that feeling. I'm not a religious person, but I more or less prayed and prayed and prayed for the will to get sober in my previous attempts...and couldn't. I don't believe one can wish oneself into wanting to be sober. But I do now want to be sober. It's a great feeling. I'm humbled by how simple and momentous it is. I am unburdened of so many worries and questions that I used to have about what's wrong with me, and how I can trick myself into wanting something I know is good for me but don't really desire. The questions were endless. Why me, why am I so unlucky, so bad, so inconsistent, so weak...

The truth is sobriety is easier than drinking. Of course it is; being sober is like breathing. It's how I am supposed to be. It's who I am really am. And being sober is easy when I want to be sober,

I know I'm counting my eggs before they hatch here (only 2+ weeks in). However, it feels so different this time that I am hopeful I've made a permanent change. I know it won't be easy to stay sober, but I see now that it is as simple as everyone promised.

Just needed to put these thoughts down tonight. Thanks for reading, anyone who is reading.
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Old 02-05-2019, 01:36 PM
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Still here, going strong! Some of my cravings this week have been when I'm tired. How nice it is to just feel those cravings and then do something that will actually make me feel better.
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Old 02-05-2019, 07:01 PM
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great going GS

D
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Old 02-07-2019, 11:39 AM
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I'm still sober, but I am having a bad day. out of nowhere. I was doing so well, then all of a sudden I feel depressed. It hits me occasionally like this, and it feels like a black wave of sadness. I want to die. I fantasize about killing myself, and it's the only thing that makes me feel better. Don't worry--it's suicidal ideation. I have no actual plan or intention of killing myself. Not meaning to alarm anyone or break any rules on this forum. Just wanting to record my feelings in this accountability thread. I need to treat my mental health; there must be something chemically wrong with me to feel this way so suddenly. I get so overwhelmed when I think about seeing a therapist. I keep promising I will, and never do. Same with a doctor. I tell myself I don't have the time. It's true enough when I look at my week's calendar. There are truly no free days. But I have to make the time. I cancelled all my work appointments and meetings for this afternoon and went home. I was supposed to meet friends this evening for sober times, but I made up an excuse. Just going to get into bed and cry myself to sleep, even though it's the middle of the day.

I feel weak and worthless and ashamed. Why can't I manage day to day life? Why does it hurt so much? I know I am lucky that I have a work schedule that allows me to skip out on a working day. Not sure what I want to say in this post really. Just explaining how I feel.
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Old 02-07-2019, 02:28 PM
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(((GS))) I hate it when that happens....I wonder if it could be part of the Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome/PAWS? Someone started a thread about it in the Alcoholism Forums; maybe you've seen it already.....

Sending lots of hugs!
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Old 02-07-2019, 06:18 PM
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I think many of us have trouble dealing with life to begin with when we get sober, and may of us find we're depressed due to the sudden loss of alcohols artificial euphoria..

Some of us who never had depression before find the balance is redressed quickly, and many people grow into ealing with life sober -

Others, especially those with a history of depression that predates drinking, may need a little therapist or doctor input and help.

I know you're reassuring us the thoughts aren't serious but suicidal ideation is not normal - I hope you'll consider making the time to see someone if only to talk it out GS.

D
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Old 02-08-2019, 02:09 AM
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Thanks, Purple and Dee! Things are already looking better this morning.
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Old 02-08-2019, 05:07 PM
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I'm doing ok on whatever day it is. No desire to drink, but still struggling mentally. One foot in front of another, I guess.
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Old 02-08-2019, 05:28 PM
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Thanks for checking in GS ~ Stay close!
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