GS Accountability Thread
I can relate to so much of what you've said G. S. You're doing really well, keep taking those baby steps forward, keep posting and don't dwell so much on the past. Take good care of yourself too. xx
I don't know what has happened to me.
It feels like some huge change, and yet...so small. I've always heard people with sober time describe that when they finally got sober it was simple: they decided they wanted to be sober more than they wanted to drink. I finally know that feeling. I'm not a religious person, but I more or less prayed and prayed and prayed for the will to get sober in my previous attempts...and couldn't. I don't believe one can wish oneself into wanting to be sober. But I do now want to be sober. It's a great feeling. I'm humbled by how simple and momentous it is. I am unburdened of so many worries and questions that I used to have about what's wrong with me, and how I can trick myself into wanting something I know is good for me but don't really desire. The questions were endless. Why me, why am I so unlucky, so bad, so inconsistent, so weak...
The truth is sobriety is easier than drinking. Of course it is; being sober is like breathing. It's how I am supposed to be. It's who I am really am. And being sober is easy when I want to be sober,
I know I'm counting my eggs before they hatch here (only 2+ weeks in). However, it feels so different this time that I am hopeful I've made a permanent change. I know it won't be easy to stay sober, but I see now that it is as simple as everyone promised.
Just needed to put these thoughts down tonight. Thanks for reading, anyone who is reading.
It feels like some huge change, and yet...so small. I've always heard people with sober time describe that when they finally got sober it was simple: they decided they wanted to be sober more than they wanted to drink. I finally know that feeling. I'm not a religious person, but I more or less prayed and prayed and prayed for the will to get sober in my previous attempts...and couldn't. I don't believe one can wish oneself into wanting to be sober. But I do now want to be sober. It's a great feeling. I'm humbled by how simple and momentous it is. I am unburdened of so many worries and questions that I used to have about what's wrong with me, and how I can trick myself into wanting something I know is good for me but don't really desire. The questions were endless. Why me, why am I so unlucky, so bad, so inconsistent, so weak...
The truth is sobriety is easier than drinking. Of course it is; being sober is like breathing. It's how I am supposed to be. It's who I am really am. And being sober is easy when I want to be sober,
I know I'm counting my eggs before they hatch here (only 2+ weeks in). However, it feels so different this time that I am hopeful I've made a permanent change. I know it won't be easy to stay sober, but I see now that it is as simple as everyone promised.
Just needed to put these thoughts down tonight. Thanks for reading, anyone who is reading.
Still here, going strong! Some of my cravings this week have been when I'm tired. How nice it is to just feel those cravings and then do something that will actually make me feel better.
I'm still sober, but I am having a bad day. out of nowhere. I was doing so well, then all of a sudden I feel depressed. It hits me occasionally like this, and it feels like a black wave of sadness. I want to die. I fantasize about killing myself, and it's the only thing that makes me feel better. Don't worry--it's suicidal ideation. I have no actual plan or intention of killing myself. Not meaning to alarm anyone or break any rules on this forum. Just wanting to record my feelings in this accountability thread. I need to treat my mental health; there must be something chemically wrong with me to feel this way so suddenly. I get so overwhelmed when I think about seeing a therapist. I keep promising I will, and never do. Same with a doctor. I tell myself I don't have the time. It's true enough when I look at my week's calendar. There are truly no free days. But I have to make the time. I cancelled all my work appointments and meetings for this afternoon and went home. I was supposed to meet friends this evening for sober times, but I made up an excuse. Just going to get into bed and cry myself to sleep, even though it's the middle of the day.
I feel weak and worthless and ashamed. Why can't I manage day to day life? Why does it hurt so much? I know I am lucky that I have a work schedule that allows me to skip out on a working day. Not sure what I want to say in this post really. Just explaining how I feel.
I feel weak and worthless and ashamed. Why can't I manage day to day life? Why does it hurt so much? I know I am lucky that I have a work schedule that allows me to skip out on a working day. Not sure what I want to say in this post really. Just explaining how I feel.
(((GS))) I hate it when that happens....I wonder if it could be part of the Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome/PAWS? Someone started a thread about it in the Alcoholism Forums; maybe you've seen it already.....
Sending lots of hugs!
Sending lots of hugs!
I think many of us have trouble dealing with life to begin with when we get sober, and may of us find we're depressed due to the sudden loss of alcohols artificial euphoria..
Some of us who never had depression before find the balance is redressed quickly, and many people grow into ealing with life sober -
Others, especially those with a history of depression that predates drinking, may need a little therapist or doctor input and help.
I know you're reassuring us the thoughts aren't serious but suicidal ideation is not normal - I hope you'll consider making the time to see someone if only to talk it out GS.
D
Some of us who never had depression before find the balance is redressed quickly, and many people grow into ealing with life sober -
Others, especially those with a history of depression that predates drinking, may need a little therapist or doctor input and help.
I know you're reassuring us the thoughts aren't serious but suicidal ideation is not normal - I hope you'll consider making the time to see someone if only to talk it out GS.
D
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