Proud2BeSober

Had a really bad relapse this weekend. Ive had plenty of relapses before but for some reason this one really stung. Did somethings I am ashamed of but that is nothing new.

Now I feel like I am losing it. I hate life right now. Like I don't want to go on anymore. Just can't seem to beat this alcohol and drug addiction I have. I haven't even been able to go outside past couple of days. Ive been so depressed. I'll have to go to work tomorrow but it won't be easy. Who knows if I even keep my job called in sick three days in a row. All I can do is sleep right now. It's tough. I just hope I snap out of it soon.

I'm try and get to a meeting today. Anyone who has been in this situation any advice would be appreciated. I thought id snap out of this by now but it hasn't happened.

froscow

I would get insanely depressed after benders too. Not just cause of the guilt and shame of things I did while under the influence...but alcohol messes with our brains. It screws with our seretonin and dopamine. Eat healthy, drink lots of fluids, go for a walk...things should improve soon

If things don't improve however, I would go see a doctor/medical professional.

Hopeful528

It is going to get better. You are going to find a way to put this behind you and feel better about having a new healthier life.
I would have a shower, or bath if you are up to it, go out for a walk and get fresh air, and to that meeting. Eat and drink lots of fluids and know day by day its going to get better.
Don't worry about the things you cannot change. Just go into your job with a positive attitude you will feel better every day. Focus on what you can change and have control over.

Anna

I'm sorry you're feeling so low right now. I think it's important to not let the fallout from the relapse bring you down again. I hope you can step out of the depression so that you can move forward.

My suggestion is to take action. Get up out of bed, get yourself ready for work tomorrow, go for a walk if possible, listen to some good music.

Lonewolf22

Talking about it definitely helps Proud2be at least here you have a space where people understand you and won't judge you.
I'm only on day 2 and I felt how you did last few days of drinking. I think after a while we just don't think about it as much as we distance ourselves from it.
I still cringe from things I did ten year ago :/ it is horrid when it just pops into your head.
Unfortunately bugger all we can do about it but just keep moving forward as best you can

Guener

I have been in exactly the same circumstances as you have, and I know it's really horrible with your emotions right now, including the terror of going back to work to see what will happen.

You do need to try to pull yourself up a bit, following up with a meeting and doing the things that have been suggested here. Your mind will probably not be more at ease until after you go back to work, hopefully with no consequences, and regardless change how you have been behaving with the drinking. It's the latter that's causing all this grief, so think about what you can do to not fall back again.

I know that this isn't going to change what you're going through presently, but it's honestly all you can do to right your way.

sva777

When I had relapses after I made the conscious decision to get sober I would get really down as well. It is hard for many reasons, one of which is we feel awful physically and second, mentally we feel defeated.

Shower, eat and rest. Spend time on here and whatever you do try to not beat yourself up too much.

Delilah1

Start with today, that's all you have control over right now. Take a shower and get dressed, head out for a short walk. If you have a lake, park, trail nearby head there, nature has some natural healing powers.

Make yourself a healthy meal, get your clothes ready for work tomorrow. If you have any alcohol in the house get rid of it. Focus on today, and then tomorrow focus on tomorrow.

What has worked for you in the past to help stay sober? Think of the pieces that supported you, and spend some time reading around on here to see what you can add.

You can do this!

JustTony

We have just been speaking on another thread.

I'm sorry that you are so low and yes I have definitely been there many times. Especially after a few heavy days drinking. I think it's natural that the 'come down' leads to severe depression at times where you can just lie in bed and want the whole world to just forget you're alive.

All I can say is that if you can get a few days sobriety under your belt then (generally for me at least) the depression seems to ease pretty rapidly.

Support and Strength to you.

JT

Proud2BeSober

Thanks everybody. I feel a lot better already. I'll be okay. Back to work tomorrow and I'll let you all know how it goes.

ReadyAtLast

I can relate and am having a similar week. It's been all I can do to drag myself out of bed to work and like you very nearly called in sick.

If you're in the northern hemisphere as I am then it may be Partly seasonal disorder. Artificial sunlight helps me if I can't get the real thing.

As others have said though it's even worse after drinking. It does improve after a few days or weeks of sobriety and your ladt relapse ws very recent. It's also worth seeing your doc. I'm trying g to eat healthily exercise lightly get sleep and sunlight and not drink.

Wastinglife

I am on day 16 and have been experiencing really low mood during this time. It's the 'crawl under a rock' type of feeling. I hope it's temporary because I am in a dark, dark place.

JustTony

Keep posting. Stay engaged with us all. Let us try and help in any small way that we can? Isolation can be soul destroying on top of even more soul destroying.

lessgravity

Quitting the poison was almost a cure-all for me. I was so depressed, anxiety stricken, even suicidal. When I get up at 3am now it's to hit the head, not to spin in a state of utter panic, sweat and suffering. Usually I just go back to bed.

Some days are still better than others. But every day is so much better than the days as a drunk were.

NerfThis

I really can't think of many things that are worse than that crippling depression, anxiety and loneliness that follows days of heavy drinking. The great thing is that if you don't drink, that feeling goes away. I decided a few months ago I was absolutely sick and tired of feeling that way. Now I'll admit (as lessgravity has said)that not every day has been wonder and perfection since I quit, but NO day has been remotely close to those days where I'd be hiding inside wishing the post drinking anxiety and depression would go away.

Hopeful528

How was the first day back Proud2BeSober?

Proud2BeSober

It was good. Seeing all my friends at work definitely helped. A lot of them were worried. Thought I quit or something happened because I'm not the type to miss three straight days like that. My boss was fine said I simply need to bring in a doctor's note which luckily I did get last night due to a suggestion from a friend.

As far as me I'm back being myself. I think the alcohol and drugs just drained my dopamine and had me feeling way out of wack. Combine that with a relapse I was in a really bad place. But now that my brain is back functioning normal I'm fine. I am ready to get sober and stay sober!!

Thank you all so much for your replies. It really helped me get through that bad time. Crazy as it is to me now I did contemplate suicide there for a little... I doubt I would have done it but who knows what would have happened if I didn't post on SR.

I definitely plan on posting a lot more now and getting advice because I really want alcohol and drugs out of my life and I know I can't do it alone.

Once again thank you all who took the time to reply to my post!

Hopeful528

Keep posting all the time! We learn so much from each other on here.
I'm really happy you're feeling better and that your first day back was good too.
Its such a deep depressant, it is not good for many reasons, but you are so worth sobriety! And we can find a way out of the cycle.

Guener

I am greatly relieved for you Proud2BeSober, and verily more happy that you are feeling more settled and ready to begin anew!