Opinions welcomed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 454
Opinions welcomed
Hello. I would like your up honest opinion on something...
May 13, 2018- I decided I couldn’t torture myself anymore. I was done with the sneaking, hiding, lying all for wine. I told my husband everything.. he supported me 100 percent. And I promised I would never drink again.
June 1, 2018- I was prescribed medication to help urges to drink. I googled it, and read about the Ferber Method (which encourages drinking.) I decided I wanted to try this method.. bough wine, and drank one last time... secretly. I honestly didn’t finish the wine. It was a stupid decision.
Initially I restarted my ‘day count’ to 1. I haven’t drank since. I am close to 8 months sober.
Today- no one knows about that dumb decision in June. I am proud of myself and want to focus on the positives. Come May 13, 2019- I want to say it has been one year I changed my life (which is true.)
But the real truth is- one year sober is June 1. And I have this one last little secret from months ago.
In the grand scheme of things, all that matters is that I am sober and happy. But, part of me feels like when May 13th come (and I am still sober), my husband I family will be celebrating my 1 year, but celebrating a lie.
Any input or thoughts are welcomed.
Thank you for your time.
Bumble
May 13, 2018- I decided I couldn’t torture myself anymore. I was done with the sneaking, hiding, lying all for wine. I told my husband everything.. he supported me 100 percent. And I promised I would never drink again.
June 1, 2018- I was prescribed medication to help urges to drink. I googled it, and read about the Ferber Method (which encourages drinking.) I decided I wanted to try this method.. bough wine, and drank one last time... secretly. I honestly didn’t finish the wine. It was a stupid decision.
Initially I restarted my ‘day count’ to 1. I haven’t drank since. I am close to 8 months sober.
Today- no one knows about that dumb decision in June. I am proud of myself and want to focus on the positives. Come May 13, 2019- I want to say it has been one year I changed my life (which is true.)
But the real truth is- one year sober is June 1. And I have this one last little secret from months ago.
In the grand scheme of things, all that matters is that I am sober and happy. But, part of me feels like when May 13th come (and I am still sober), my husband I family will be celebrating my 1 year, but celebrating a lie.
Any input or thoughts are welcomed.
Thank you for your time.
Bumble
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
it reads like you already know the right thing to do.
or let it keep eating at ya.
how would ya feel if the roles were reversed and your husband was the one that was going to claim a year sober but didnt have a year sober?
or let it keep eating at ya.
how would ya feel if the roles were reversed and your husband was the one that was going to claim a year sober but didnt have a year sober?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 513
I think if it's bothering you, you should let people know the true date is June 1st. It does sound like it is bothering you and to be honest there's only a two week difference between your first date and second date, so why not just accept the real one?
If you accept this little lie once, what's to stop you from slipping up in future and having a glass of wine, then deciding it's too small to acknowledge?
If you accept this little lie once, what's to stop you from slipping up in future and having a glass of wine, then deciding it's too small to acknowledge?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I'd agree that the truth nearly always the best answer. If you really want to celebrate may 13 as the day you decided to make changes to your life, you can stlll do that too - it was an important decision and an important day for sure. Congratulations on your sobriety!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 449
I don't know what your husband is like so I guess that is your decision to make. If he is understanding I would think it would be a good thing to tell him. If he isn't then I wouldn't.
The second thing I want to say is, you have no reason to feel guilty. I think the period of sobriety should be used as a sort of guideline as to your recovery and how well you are doing. It isn't absolute, It isn't a competition. I think the fact you only had a drink in a while year is brilliant. You should celebrate because of that not give you reason to feel guilty.
Your journey is your journey, many would have falling back into drinking if they picked up a glass of wine. You didn't you should be please with yourself. You have done brilliant!
The second thing I want to say is, you have no reason to feel guilty. I think the period of sobriety should be used as a sort of guideline as to your recovery and how well you are doing. It isn't absolute, It isn't a competition. I think the fact you only had a drink in a while year is brilliant. You should celebrate because of that not give you reason to feel guilty.
Your journey is your journey, many would have falling back into drinking if they picked up a glass of wine. You didn't
you should be please with yourself. You have done brilliant!
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Bb,
I know in my heart what is right and true.
That is all that matters.
As long as the av doesn't trick me into believing a relapse is right and true.
Last night I had a crave for about 3 minutes.
Later I went to a comedy club where they were selling an all you can drink in 1.5 hours deal for $20. I was sort of stuck in this line while this bartender explained the rules for this.
1 shot per drink. No straight up shots, no rocks. Basically, he was limiting the amount someone could drink during that time. You could tell he had been traumatized by drunks and had come up with this plan of preemptive governance.
I figured the booze was watered down and the most a really hard core person was going to get out of him was 5 drinks. Plus they would be very full with all the mixer he would put in the drink.
It was sad to think I would have been the first person to jump on that deal 4 years ago.
I just woke up and glad as ever I didn't relapse last night.
Sometimes it is one moment at a time to get to bed sober. But, I have fun along the way.
Thanks.
I know in my heart what is right and true.
That is all that matters.
As long as the av doesn't trick me into believing a relapse is right and true.
Last night I had a crave for about 3 minutes.
Later I went to a comedy club where they were selling an all you can drink in 1.5 hours deal for $20. I was sort of stuck in this line while this bartender explained the rules for this.
1 shot per drink. No straight up shots, no rocks. Basically, he was limiting the amount someone could drink during that time. You could tell he had been traumatized by drunks and had come up with this plan of preemptive governance.
I figured the booze was watered down and the most a really hard core person was going to get out of him was 5 drinks. Plus they would be very full with all the mixer he would put in the drink.
It was sad to think I would have been the first person to jump on that deal 4 years ago.
I just woke up and glad as ever I didn't relapse last night.
Sometimes it is one moment at a time to get to bed sober. But, I have fun along the way.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
For me personally, honesty is paramount in recovery. It's the most important thing of all, actually. Letting your family think you've been alcohol free for a full year when you haven't is deceptive. If you decide to tell them, they may be a little stunned, but they should also realize the important thing is that you're sober now. Good luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Many years ago I had a HUGE secret that I was keeping. I mean, huge. As I told my best friend, while looking in on my sleeping 6 month old baby, she said to me 'the truth always comes out'. Boy she was right. I also forgot that the baby monitor was on....if my then husband had been awake he would have heard what I said....and the truth would have been out a lot sooner than it ended up being.
Your 'secret' isn't a huge deal, mine was. But I have found, for me, that honesty, in absolutely everything is really foundational in my sobriety (except if the truth would cause more damage than good, which is rarely the case).
AA says that our secrets make us sick. I agree with that. I don't think your family will think less of you for coming clean. Frankly, I think its brave. If its weighing on your conscience, let it go. Not worth it festering each year...ya know?
Your 'secret' isn't a huge deal, mine was. But I have found, for me, that honesty, in absolutely everything is really foundational in my sobriety (except if the truth would cause more damage than good, which is rarely the case).
AA says that our secrets make us sick. I agree with that. I don't think your family will think less of you for coming clean. Frankly, I think its brave. If its weighing on your conscience, let it go. Not worth it festering each year...ya know?
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I agree with Frick, secrets make us sick and honesty is absolutely vital in recovery, for me at least.
I also wouldn't wait until May to say something, get it out as soon as you can and be honest about it all. Otherwise it is going to prey on your mind for the next 4 months and it will detract from all the positive and wonderful things you have done and continue to do.
I stopped drinking 1st May 2018, but on 30th May I had one last hurrah as I was off to rehab at the beginning of June. There are many times I just want to say I stopped 1st May and use that as my date as I only drank once after that...but it doesn't matter if anyone else thinks or knows I am lying...I know! In sobriety we are learning to love and respect ourselves, and for me that means not disrespecting myself by lying to myself, I deserve better.
The truth will set us free xx
I also wouldn't wait until May to say something, get it out as soon as you can and be honest about it all. Otherwise it is going to prey on your mind for the next 4 months and it will detract from all the positive and wonderful things you have done and continue to do.
I stopped drinking 1st May 2018, but on 30th May I had one last hurrah as I was off to rehab at the beginning of June. There are many times I just want to say I stopped 1st May and use that as my date as I only drank once after that...but it doesn't matter if anyone else thinks or knows I am lying...I know! In sobriety we are learning to love and respect ourselves, and for me that means not disrespecting myself by lying to myself, I deserve better.
The truth will set us free xx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
So if it will make you feel better, tell the truth. If it will make you feel worse, then don't.
In the end, your support network will be fine, either way. If comes down to you.
As someone who used to "always tell the truth for its own sake"- I can tell you it's not always the right thing to do.
The best thing to do is what's best for you, first and for them, second.
But screw the truth "for its own sake". It's about being effective and positive in your life.
You wanted a ballsout opinion. That's just mine
In the end, your support network will be fine, either way. If comes down to you.
As someone who used to "always tell the truth for its own sake"- I can tell you it's not always the right thing to do.
The best thing to do is what's best for you, first and for them, second.
But screw the truth "for its own sake". It's about being effective and positive in your life.
You wanted a ballsout opinion. That's just mine
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
In a world of seemingly difficult decisions, whether to tell your husband you relapsed after a few weeks and successfully started over is a no-brainer.
TELL HIM THE TRUTH.
You will feel better.
Lies are poison.
I sometimes make a mistake that I would like to sweep under the rug or not own up to, but I force myself to do the right thing.
And people trust me these days.
A few weeks ago, the man who takes care of our property accidentally sprayed our crepes myrtles with some type of weed eater instead of a fertilizer.
He immediately came to us and explained what he had done and apologized.
We told him to not worry about it and thanked him for letting us know.
We know that we have an honest employee.
In the same way that my wife, my family and my professional compatriots know they have an honest husband, friend and lawyer.
It took a lot of working the AA program for me, and continued sobriety, for people to believe what I say.
I'm not giving back that trust to cut a corner and avoid some momentary pain or embarrassment.
TELL HIM THE TRUTH.
You will feel better.
Lies are poison.
I sometimes make a mistake that I would like to sweep under the rug or not own up to, but I force myself to do the right thing.
And people trust me these days.
A few weeks ago, the man who takes care of our property accidentally sprayed our crepes myrtles with some type of weed eater instead of a fertilizer.
He immediately came to us and explained what he had done and apologized.
We told him to not worry about it and thanked him for letting us know.
We know that we have an honest employee.
In the same way that my wife, my family and my professional compatriots know they have an honest husband, friend and lawyer.
It took a lot of working the AA program for me, and continued sobriety, for people to believe what I say.
I'm not giving back that trust to cut a corner and avoid some momentary pain or embarrassment.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
With one lie, there will be more to follow.
Always trying to cover things up. Living a
life in recovery, we learn about ourselves
and about those around us. Those that are
affected by our addiction and our recovery.
It is important to be true to ourselves. To
be true to yourself. To grow in a healthy,
happy way, in all areas of your life.
If there are secrets or untruths and if
we dont want to hurt another, then
removing ourselves from whatever the
situation is can be another option to
use.
Hopefully, you will choose the right
solution to help you grow in life and
recovery just as you have already begun
to.
Always trying to cover things up. Living a
life in recovery, we learn about ourselves
and about those around us. Those that are
affected by our addiction and our recovery.
It is important to be true to ourselves. To
be true to yourself. To grow in a healthy,
happy way, in all areas of your life.
If there are secrets or untruths and if
we dont want to hurt another, then
removing ourselves from whatever the
situation is can be another option to
use.
Hopefully, you will choose the right
solution to help you grow in life and
recovery just as you have already begun
to.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
Part about sobering up is being honest with both myself and those around me. Addicts get really used to lying to themselves. When you get there it's only 2 weeks out of 52, I think you've proven that you've overcome that.
Adventurer
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Tuxedo Park, NY
Posts: 1,101
I got sober on January 10th 2015, I have had 3 slip ups where I drank since then. My last one being March 10th 2017.
Yeah it stinks that I dont have 4 years completely sober but I would be lying to myself if I pretended I did.
I do have almost 2 years completely sober and that is fantastic! The time will add up, faster than you realize.
Yeah it stinks that I dont have 4 years completely sober but I would be lying to myself if I pretended I did.
I do have almost 2 years completely sober and that is fantastic! The time will add up, faster than you realize.
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