AAPJ

To thine own self be true

Dee74

yeah put me down for the truth too.

Its obviously eating at you.

Its not the easy option, but I spent enough years lying to the people I loved, and to myself

D

Finalround

A lesson I've learned and teach my children.

Always tell the truth. It's the easiest thing to remember

You will find you sleep better as well.

Stayingsassy

I don’t know: I see this as a non issue. That may be because I didn’t really want to celebrate my one year. It just felt personal to me, something I did for me, something that I don’t want others celebrating with me. I feel irritated when non recovery aquaintances say they are proud of me. I think that irritation stems from the fact that it’s hugely important to me that my sobriety started and continues only for me, not for anyone else. It’s the only thing that keeps resentment at bay. I just continue to make the choice for myself. The simplicity of that is key.

I wouldn’t care if my family, friends, husband or anyone knew that I drank two weeks after my start date. It never has and never will be their business what I decide to drink. I’d just say it, because their reaction does not matter.

You have been sober for eight months. That is the entire point. Nothing else matters. Your start date was off by a bit because of a misguided recovery decision. Nothing happened. You just drank again and then your start date moved.

I don’t think any of it matters. Especially if you think people will make a big deal. I would lose my mind if my family made a fuss over my start date with eight months behind me. They would get an earful. Because eight months of sobriety is amazing. That’s a lot of recovery work there. Being concerned about the timing of your start date diminishes the entire huge and spiritually momentous change in your life, which is a reality. Consider the fact that you are closing in on a year in just a few months, that’s a big deal.. Congrats.

Finalround

This is the epilogue for this thread. Says it all perfectly and puts a bow on it.

Btw...congrats on your sobriety.

Stayingsassy

Thank you. I still stay sober as a gift to myself.

In fact, my family knows it’s been “over a year” and they consider it a very big deal, but I don’t think anyone has tracked my start date, and I do not discuss my alcoholism with my family, i would no longer go into details about that with people than I would details or preferences in regard to my sex life. It’s about me.

The most anyone gets are offhand remarks or references, and I think I have them trained, because they don’t ask further questions.

Torii

When I quit smoking I had maybe 4 cigarettes over the first month, none of which I enjoyed thanks to the meds I was on. I never counted those cigarettes as 'relapses' and considered myself a quit smoker since the first day I stopped and committed to being a non smoker.

Whatever you choose, as long as your comfortable within yourself, I think it's fine either way. One slip up is not a relapse, in your case.

On the other hand, I'm sure everyone would understand if you explained it, and still be super proud and supportive of your amazing achievement. And better to tell them at the start, rather than later.

If it were me, I'd talk to my husband and see what he thought, since it sounds like you're very close.

One final thought, a lot of drinkers talk about reasons for relapsing being weirdly simple and unreasonable (hey, that's why we're here in the first place). I'd be careful that setting your sober life on a false anniversary (if that's how you see it) doesn't mean you'll be more susceptible to relapse down the track.

Congrats on your sober time.

Paperbag

Personally if I thought my wife would be disappointed and lose faith because I had slipped, I would keep it quiet and celebrate the start date, but count the real date and celebrate that one in private. I love my wife but I know deep down, she doesn't understand why I find it so hard to stay sober.

You're not hurting anyone with your lie. It's so small it's almost insignificant. It's just a personal thing. We all lie sometimes, and those who say they don't are lying.

I lie to my children every Christmas and every time they lose a tooth. If I didn't lie, they would be hurt. Just weigh it up and make a calculated decision.

Dee74

I wouldn't call Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy' lying'.

Thats exactly the kind of rationalisation my AV used to make when I lied to avoid the consequences from my drinking.

D

saoutchik

Eight months or almost eight months is fantastic either way. Of course the truth is usually best but if you think it might cause friction then it is a harmless enough deception.

Bumblebee2

Hi everyone!
Wow. I am overwhelmed by the number of responses I received. So much helpful and wise advice. THANK YOU.

The truth will set you free
You already know the answer
Lies are poison
It is bothering you
Do what feels right

All of this was so helpful.. and allowed me to realize this:

I have kept it a secret because it is what worked for me, until now. Now, the secrecy is no longer working for me... it is slowly eating at me. Maybe it is because I truly feel in my heart comfortable in my sobriety.

Either way- I do plan on sharing my secret with my husband. Probably not soon, but definitely before May. I will keep you guys posted on this.

Thank you to the moderator who moved this thread for me to the correct spot.

And thank you to you all for all your wisdom, input and inspiration.