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Old 01-13-2019, 08:06 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Pardon my ramble but I just need to talk...

I am so stressed at the moment, I have a huge life event happening on Tuesday that has been a long time coming (nothing to do with alcohol or the consequences off). It will have such a huge impact if it doesn't go well, my anxiety is off the chart and I have to go and be a nice calm person under very difficult circumstances because it will raise red flags if I am overly stressed.

I'm sat here with my coffee looking out at the snow, 255 days sober, thinking why the f did I get sober? This is torture. I don't know whether I drank because of anxiety or my drinking caused it. I don't think I even really want to drink although if you put a glass of wine in front of me I'm not sure I would say no. I just need SOMETHING to provide some relief from this stress, just for a little bit.

All the mindfulness, gratitude and meditation in the world isn't helping right now ugh this sucks big time!

Sorry for the vent
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Old 01-13-2019, 08:15 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Do you mind telling us what this huge life event is?

Pressure doesn't have to cause stress. It's a learned response.
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Old 01-13-2019, 08:23 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks Carl, I would rather not if you don't mind.

I am able to rationalize the situation and see that my anxiety isn't helping me cope with it, but as I am pretty new to sobriety I am still learning coping mechanisms. I have a problem with keeping everything inside and not reaching out for help so I thought I would give it a go with you lovely people.
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Old 01-13-2019, 08:28 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I can totally empathize with your situation.

While I don't have a big event to be anxious about, my work has been piling it on with so many responsibilities and I feel like being trapped in a giant game of gotcha when things don't go just right.

I'm only about 14 days into sobriety this time, but definitely I suffer from underlying anxiety that alcohol actually handled quite well...until it didn't. Over time I needed more and more of it to maintain the lower anxiety levels. At some point I do think the excessive alcohol would make me more anxious given what it does to the inhibitory (calming) GABA neurotransmitter and then how the other excitory neurotransmitters increase to compensate.

I discovered along these past four years, with my doc, that some issues physically I had were acid reflux / GERD, low vitamin D levels, and natural anxiety for which I needed an anti-depressant / anti-anxiety med.

Getting these more in order has helped anxiety, but it's still there naturally...has been since I was a kid and will be for life most likely.

So yeah I'm right there with you; hang in there!
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Old 01-13-2019, 08:30 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Vent away!

Maybe a good start would be to view this as a learning strategy more than a coping strategy? We are all faced with doing things sober "for the first time" at some point.

As scary as that is, could you approach this as a place of curiosity in spite of the anxiety?
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Old 01-13-2019, 08:40 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Thanks for your reply Plure and I'm sorry you're struggling to. Just talking about it is already helping so thank you
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Old 01-13-2019, 08:41 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Vent away!

Maybe a good start would be to view this as a learning strategy more than a coping strategy? We are all faced with doing things sober "for the first time" at some point.

As scary as that is, could you approach this as a place of curiosity in spite of the anxiety?
Thanks WaterOx approaching it from a different angle is a good idea
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Old 01-13-2019, 08:55 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I got fired from my job (to be very specific, they forced me to resign, but the results are the same) at seven months sober. After my years of drinking, I was living paycheck to paycheck, have a young son to take care of with no support of any kind, and I'm unholy anxious and socially awkward. So there I was with two weeks to find a new job with no references, no help, and really no network (the last one is my own fault, but at that moment, there was nothing I could really do to remedy it).

I cried for about 15 minutes, then I sat down at the computer and started sending out resumes and setting up interviews. I had my last day at my old job on a Friday, and the following Monday, I started my new job. And there is no way on earth that I could have pulled that off while drinking. It was scary - terrifying really - but after it was all said and done, it was two weeks.

You can do this horrifying life event. It will be a day, or a week, or a month, and you can do it. It may be awful, it may be better than you expected, it may be worse, but YOU CAN DO IT. And doing it sober will be a heck of a lot easier and will let you feel proud of yourself when it's done.

Please keep checking in and letting us know how you are.
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Old 01-13-2019, 09:26 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Thanks FnF I appreciate your reply.

It's really terrible that for long periods of time alcohol gave me the ability to just ignore things, to just do nothing that would require a large amount of effort or any effort at all really. I was just happy to let things roll along. Now I want more, being sober has made me dissatisfied with what my life has become and I want to change it, but that means facing up to difficult situations. I know I'm not unique, everyone has to deal with things they find difficult.

I just try and tell myself that I'm brave and I should be proud of myself for doing this even though it's hard.

Thanks for sharing your situation, I'm sorry they made you resign that sucks but I'm glad it all worked out for you
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Old 01-13-2019, 09:47 AM   #10 (permalink)
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You are brave, and you should be proud of yourself for getting through it, and you have accomplished so much.

My mom's a marathon runner, and when she has an awful, awful, painful race, she always remembers the Bataan Death March or the Cherokee Trail of Tears and that no matter what she's going through, people have gone through far, far worse.

In my family, we are all Eeyore, and we survive things with humor. I hope you can do the same. Best of luck and lots of support to you.
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Old 01-13-2019, 05:09 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I think you are already finding ways to deal with, H. You are posting. The process of writing/typing words helps process info- uses different parts of the brain. One thing that helped me- just as an activity was walking....it distracted. Or humaning- I go to a library or a mall or the beach or where ever humans go. And- meetings, or I post here.

Writing words, as opposed to typing- is also good for me- if I force myself to write neatly (I am a leftie).

Support to you.
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Old 01-13-2019, 06:47 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Along with the technique that FNF mentions, I also try to remember a previous time that I was under incredible stress and anxiety. Then remember that I got thru it. It passed and I'm still here and OK.
Sharing it too helps to alleviate much of the stress too. Good for you for posting. You're probably feeling better already.
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Old 01-13-2019, 06:57 PM   #13 (permalink)
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When I feel stressed, I pet my dog while she lies in my lap. I can't feel stressed while I'm petting her. My cats too, if I pet them, it reduces stress for me.
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Old 01-13-2019, 07:04 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I think you are already finding ways to deal with, H. You are posting. The process of writing/typing words helps process info- uses different parts of the brain. One thing that helped me- just as an activity was walking....it distracted. Or humaning- I go to a library or a mall or the beach or where ever humans go. And- meetings, or I post here.

Writing words, as opposed to typing- is also good for me- if I force myself to write neatly (I am a leftie).

Support to you.
Thanks Phoenix I don't normally reach out for help and it has calmed me down a lot, plus I have been checking over everything I have prepared for Tuesday so that has helped a lot aswell.

I really appreciate your reply and suggestions

Take care.
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Old 01-13-2019, 07:07 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Along with the technique that FNF mentions, I also try to remember a previous time that I was under incredible stress and anxiety. Then remember that I got thru it. It passed and I'm still here and OK.
Sharing it too helps to alleviate much of the stress too. Good for you for posting. You're probably feeling better already.
This is true, I have been in some binds before and I'm still here it's just dealing with it sober that is the challenge. Sharing has helped a lot, I'm normally much better at supporting other people and always feel a bit silly if I need help myself, but I'm so glad I did everyone's replies have been so lovely and helpful. I do feel better all ready!
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Old 01-13-2019, 07:11 PM   #16 (permalink)
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When I feel stressed, I pet my dog while she lies in my lap. I can't feel stressed while I'm petting her. My cats too, if I pet them, it reduces stress for me.
Thanks least My furry child is asleep next to me and that helps immensely, we also have a kitten that we found crawling around in the road when he was 4 weeks old but he's a spiky little bugger til he gets the snip. I'm covered in scratches grrrr.
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Old 01-14-2019, 08:01 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Flawed and Fantastics post made me think of the Dale Carnegie book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. It's an oldie but goodie. So often when we stop and look at the very worst possible outcome, we realize that if it were to happen we would survive.
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Old 01-16-2019, 08:21 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Flawed and Fantastics post made me think of the Dale Carnegie book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. It's an oldie but goodie. So often when we stop and look at the very worst possible outcome, we realize that if it were to happen we would survive.
I'm sorry Eliza I just saw your post, thanks for the suggestion I'll check it out
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Old 01-16-2019, 08:33 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Just wanted to say thanks to everyone that replied to me again, yesterday was tough but I got through it, I'm still alive and I'm still sober. Unfortunately, no definite answer was forthcoming which apparently is the norm so, still have a wait of four months before I can even ask what's happening if nothing materializes in the meantime.

Fear of the unknown is something that really bothers me and that I need to work on, it's that low level constant anxiety that gets to me. Time to knock this on the head and learn some proper coping skills.

Thanks again everyone
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Old 01-16-2019, 01:33 PM   #20 (permalink)
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It’s really so incredibly hard in these early sober years to go through life’s hardest stressors without checking out.

What you did by going through that stress completely clear and awake was a brave and wonderful thing. I know how hard it was.

Each time you go through the hard parts of life with those clear eyes, you will get a little stronger.

Big kudos to you for staying clear. You can do this.
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