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Back Again- Wondering About Withdrawal

Old 12-31-2018, 02:15 PM
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Back Again- Wondering About Withdrawal

Hi. After 18 months on the moderation roller coaster (you all know the drill... month sober, 4 day bender, nightmarish withdrawals, get feeling healthy again, get drunk, rinse and repeat), I’ve finally accepted total abstinence is the only way for me. I have a good support system in my wife, my family, my church, and my doctor, who prescribed Naltrexone.

I’m about 23 hours from my last drink, following 10 days of at least 18 drinks a day. I should be a quivering messy ball of anxiety, shakes, sweats, and the general misery. I don’t feel super, but actually not too bad. I’ve eaten like a horse all day, taken some Vitamin B complex, had a .5 Xanax (prescribed), and slept relatively well. Plus a gallon of Gatorade

I’m 45, male, 6’3”, 270 (some of that’s a gut, but also weightlifter). Should I be freaked out that delayed withdrawals are on the way. In the past, 24 hours after a giant bender, I’ve been completely immobilized. Did I just luck out? I know no medical advice is allowed, just wondering about others’ experiences from an anecdotal perspective. Thanks.
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Old 12-31-2018, 02:21 PM
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I'm glad that you've made the decision to stop drinking for good. And, it's good that you've talked to your dr, too. You may have lucked out, I don't know. I hope that your symptoms don't get any worse.
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Old 12-31-2018, 02:29 PM
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I do feel fatigued, and red faced, very minor shaky hands, but nothing on the order of magnitude I had prepared for in my mind. Heart rate is only about 80, and again, my appetite is ravenous when I would normally be nauseous. Totally not what I was expecting. I’ve prayed a lot about it, and I believe truly that God can do anything, so perhaps I should quit worrying and be thankful.
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Old 12-31-2018, 02:44 PM
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Who knows and its quite sad just how much are bodies have to put up with/get used to.

I hope you're through it now and ready to put the work in to get those sober muscles in shape and flexing. Happy New Year.
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Old 12-31-2018, 02:45 PM
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I had 'good' withdrawals and 'bad' ones - maybe you got a good one?
Welcome back

D
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Old 12-31-2018, 03:09 PM
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From my personal experience, Day 3 is when the worst of the symptoms began to materialize. This is when I started to experience hallucinations and my speech was slurred like a stroke survivor.

However I was already feeling pretty awful within the first 24 hours. I would be optimistic in your case.
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Old 12-31-2018, 03:10 PM
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Thanks y’all. Staying home and drinking tea, looking forward to a Jan 1 where my whole day isn’t misery (assuming my withdrawal doesn’t decide to kick in). Happy New Year!
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Old 12-31-2018, 03:39 PM
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The only thing I can think of that’s different is used to have severe sleep apnea. Since getting my CPAP, that’s been a game changer in how well I rest and how I feel in general. I used to average 60 apnea events an hour, so my body and brain never really rested. In fact, I felt so much better that in hindsight, I think my “new” energy was a lever I used to lie to myself when starting this last bender. I’ts amazing what crazy reasons we use to talk ourselves into drinking poison. Anyway, enough pondering. Chicken fried steak and a good book before getting back on the workout routine tomorrow. Feeling pretty flabby!!!
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Old 12-31-2018, 03:51 PM
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Welcome back! If your w/d doesn't get any worse, consider yourself lucky, and keep moving forward. I hope you'll use the support here as part of a recovery plan for lasting sobriety.
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Old 12-31-2018, 03:57 PM
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Welcome back. I read your post numerous times and it really kept me from wanting a drink tonight. So, thank you.

As for the withdrawal I hope it isn't too bad. Heck with it. You're sober. That's all that counts.

Keep the course and happy new year.
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Old 01-01-2019, 06:46 AM
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Up and feel amazing. Other than the neighborhood fireworks at midnight I slept like a baby. Still a little fatigued, but hoping a light workout will jumpstart me. I’m still amazed that 10 days of at least a fifth a day of Vodka plus some beers has left me feeling so well on the morning of Day 2. I’m of the complete belief it truly was God’s mercy.

Nothing like waking up on New Year’s Day feeling good. Now to keep it rolling, PERMANENTLY. I will check back in frequently, but part of my sobriety plan is a daily text or call to a friend from church who’s been sober for a couple years, plus journaling each morning, so once back at work tomorrow I might not have enough time to write in 3 different places every day.

Thanks to all for your support.
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Old 01-01-2019, 02:31 PM
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Just my advice but I'd make the time - at least for a while - do whatever you can

I dunno about you but I went to a lot of effort to stay drunk - a little effort to stay sober is really no big thing
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Old 01-02-2019, 06:27 AM
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Day 3. Back at work. Decent workout, but a long way to get back to where I was before inflicting the damage. It's crazy how a bender can undo literally months of work. About day 3 is when my intestines decide to clear themselves of the poison. That's always fun. Odd thing is most people have the runs when they are drinking. I operate normally until I quit, then look out.

Probably TMI, but checking in.
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Old 01-04-2019, 06:31 AM
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In the past, 24 hours after a giant bender, I’ve been completely immobilized. Did I just luck out?

No.

In fact, I think this could be worse than a terrible withdrawal.

Your alcoholic voice is probably already thinking, "hmm, this must be the "new normal," maybe I can drink in the future in moderation."
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Old 01-07-2019, 12:02 PM
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Day 8 and feeling great. No real urges or cravings at all over the weekend, but I'm thinking that's probably the Naltrexone. Still haven't figured out the lack of the typical withdrawal.

As far as the AV using that as an excuse for the next bender, it's funny that was brought up. I had in fact already had that thought cross my mind.... "I wonder if the next time I get hit with the crave, Mr. Booze will try and say, 'Remember last time when you drank Vodka for 10 days straight and still felt ok? Surely you can do one night?'"

Totally spot on in your observation of the way the alcoholic mind works. Good doctor report and blood work? Hooray, let's drink! Good review at work? Let's drink! No WDs last time? Let's drink.

I'm on guard for it, at least to the extent that anyone can be. The rest is faith, urge surfing, and reaching out for support.

Anyway..... just checking in.
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Old 01-07-2019, 03:54 PM
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Way to go on day 8 bart
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Old 01-14-2019, 10:00 AM
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Well I screwed up. Friday was my 46th birthday, and I made it home from work with no real cravings, and was ready for a good clean sober weekend. Out of the blue, a neighbor pops by who is unaware of my alcoholism and of all things in the world gives me a fifth of Absolut for my birthday. This person is a normie who has a full liquor cabinet where the bottles last months, sometimes years. His intent was benevolent.

However, it was like a gift from the devil himself. I should have owned up about being an alcoholic, thanked him for the thought, and turned it down. But pride and shame won out, and I accepted it with plans to pour it out when he left. Didn't happen.

The only good thing about it was I didn't let it turn into a full on binge, and am on day 2 of sober (I polished off the end of it on Saturday). Physically, I feel relatively OK. Still red faced, just when my skin had gone back to normal. Probably still a smidge dehydrated. Mentally, I feel super guilty. I didn't hide it or tell any lies, as my wife helped me drink it, using the whole "It's your birthday, just this one time" rationale. But still, I ruined my sober time in the bank and am depressed about starting over for the millionth time.

It wasn't even that fun. The whole time I was drunk all I felt was guilt, yet still continued to bring that bottle to my lips.

Big learning was not to let pride and shame get the best of me. I didn't want the neighbor to know I was an alcoholic, when I should have been honest. Also constant vigilance, as booze is like a thief in the night and can track you down anytime anywhere.

Anyway, I'm back at it. Thanks for listening.
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Old 01-14-2019, 10:29 AM
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Good for you for getting back at it. I hope you can stay the course.

You know you can also come up with other "excuses" rather than saying you are an alcoholic if you don't want to disclose that to certain people. In fact, in making your sobriety plan a good part of that would be how to handle certain situations. I have different responses I give based on the circumstances of the offer of a drink or a gift, they vary depending on who I am talking to, where we are, etc.

In this case you could have said you are an alcoholic and quit drinking or you could have said any of the following:

"how kind of you to remember my birthday! no need for the gift man, really. And actually I'm doing dry January this year!"

"Thank you so much, how generous! But you know what? I've decided to cut out alcohol. I need to shed a few pounds and I am really looking to get healthier this year"

"Wow, you shouldn't have! You know what, why don't you keep this at your house. I've decided to cut out alcohol for the time being but I know the wife would love a vodka tonic next time we come for a visit"
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Old 01-14-2019, 10:35 AM
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My experience is the first few days can feel peaceful and euphoric as it is a time when one decides to become sober and free.

Subsequent days that follow are usually irritable and moody, as the alcohol has not yet left until around day 14.

I wish I could tell you that you lucked out but don’t be surprised if and when you’re hit by moodiness, amongst other things.
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Old 01-14-2019, 11:43 AM
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Thanks Merav. Points well taken. I've actually replayed the conversation a thousand times in my head, each time leading towards responses to the effect of those that you suggested.

For work events and other things I have some time to plan for, I do have some pre-planned responses for turning down booze. This caught me totally off guard. Ding dong goes the doorbell, open the door and there's someone with a bottle of vodka complete with a bow wrapped around it.

However, as they say, hindsight is 20/20. Or my personal favorite, "If ifs and buts were candy and nuts we'd all have a merry Christmas."
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