Heart stress test tomorrow. Drank today and can't go to AA
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
Sorry you are so hurting and angry--drinking just amplifies these kinds of emotions.
I hope very much you find your way to stopping drinking before it's too late.
I think the clock is running down, and I am worried for you.
I hope very much you find your way to stopping drinking before it's too late.
I think the clock is running down, and I am worried for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
I really hope you can find a way to get sober Sweeti. There have been so many people in your corner offering support and advice. We can all continue to do that, but you are the only one capable of making the changes needed to live a sober and healthy life.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
Sweeti - I don't usually post in your threads because it's sometimes painful to read.
There was a member here who was around your age. She even lived in your corner of the world. We tried to help her, as other posters are trying to help you now.
We suggested AA - she went to meetings on and off but never worked the steps with honesty, willingness and open-mindedness.
We suggested rehab - she said she would go but never followed through.
We suggested just posting here every single day for accountability - she would disappear for weeks at a time.
A lot of the excuses she had are very similar to yours.
She was a kind soul and a friend to many of us. She died a few years back from this disease. She died alone.
No one here wants this fate for you. It's not too late yet.
When I was told my life was at risk from drinking, as you've been told multiple times by medical professionals, I did what I had to do. I begged every single social worker I knew to help me get a bed in rehab. I put my job on the line and was wiling to get fired over going to treatment. I took out loans to pay for what my insurance didn't cover. I would have sold any tangible property I owned to get the help I needed, but I didn't own anything of value.
I did what I had to do to get sober. Rehab, IOP, AA, counseling. I hope you're ready to consider what you're truly willing to do so you don't die from alcoholism.
I'm pulling and praying for you.
There was a member here who was around your age. She even lived in your corner of the world. We tried to help her, as other posters are trying to help you now.
We suggested AA - she went to meetings on and off but never worked the steps with honesty, willingness and open-mindedness.
We suggested rehab - she said she would go but never followed through.
We suggested just posting here every single day for accountability - she would disappear for weeks at a time.
A lot of the excuses she had are very similar to yours.
She was a kind soul and a friend to many of us. She died a few years back from this disease. She died alone.
No one here wants this fate for you. It's not too late yet.
When I was told my life was at risk from drinking, as you've been told multiple times by medical professionals, I did what I had to do. I begged every single social worker I knew to help me get a bed in rehab. I put my job on the line and was wiling to get fired over going to treatment. I took out loans to pay for what my insurance didn't cover. I would have sold any tangible property I owned to get the help I needed, but I didn't own anything of value.
I did what I had to do to get sober. Rehab, IOP, AA, counseling. I hope you're ready to consider what you're truly willing to do so you don't die from alcoholism.
I'm pulling and praying for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Thank you, dig dug.
Sweetichick, digdug and I both read and posted with/for that person for a long time. We knew she was in so much pain, like you.
And like digdug and Dee, I genuinely fear you’ll end up just like her if you are unwilling or unable to honestly look your addiction in the eye.
As long as I said no to things (aa isn’t for me, I don’t like therapy, I don’t need rehab/can’t afford it/can’t risk my job...), I couldn’t stay sober. I could cobble some weeks or even in a few cases months, together. But I wasn’t recovering. I was just white knuckling.
When I became truly afraid of drinking again, and became willing to try anything and everything to stay sober... I recovered.
Saying yes saved my life.
No more get out of jail free cards (if THIS happens I might drink, etc.), no more saying no to stuff (because until I found what DID work I didn’t have the luxury to say no to anything). I stopped saying no, and I got my life back.
I was in a terrible place. Crushing debt, relationship in shambles, family sick of me. Recovery fixed it all: paid off debt, my partner trusts me and we got married, family is fine. No matter how far we fall, we can recover. Better than ever.
But we have to let go of the bs that we don’t need a plan, a program, or outside help. Cuz if they were true we wouldn’t have gotten into this mess in the first place.
I really, truly hope that you get outside face to face help. Your life is worth so much more than alcoholic suffering.
Sweetichick, digdug and I both read and posted with/for that person for a long time. We knew she was in so much pain, like you.
And like digdug and Dee, I genuinely fear you’ll end up just like her if you are unwilling or unable to honestly look your addiction in the eye.
As long as I said no to things (aa isn’t for me, I don’t like therapy, I don’t need rehab/can’t afford it/can’t risk my job...), I couldn’t stay sober. I could cobble some weeks or even in a few cases months, together. But I wasn’t recovering. I was just white knuckling.
When I became truly afraid of drinking again, and became willing to try anything and everything to stay sober... I recovered.
Saying yes saved my life.
No more get out of jail free cards (if THIS happens I might drink, etc.), no more saying no to stuff (because until I found what DID work I didn’t have the luxury to say no to anything). I stopped saying no, and I got my life back.
I was in a terrible place. Crushing debt, relationship in shambles, family sick of me. Recovery fixed it all: paid off debt, my partner trusts me and we got married, family is fine. No matter how far we fall, we can recover. Better than ever.
But we have to let go of the bs that we don’t need a plan, a program, or outside help. Cuz if they were true we wouldn’t have gotten into this mess in the first place.
I really, truly hope that you get outside face to face help. Your life is worth so much more than alcoholic suffering.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Change is scary sweeti, taking the risk to find funding for rehab- or simply to go. Letting go of the bottle on a daily basis and especially when you feel you need it the most. We get it, it is really frightening. But only these changes can bring you out of this mess.
I remember a group meeting in rehab when we were talking about this. The psychologist said that we fear this change so much because we don't know what it will bring, even if we are told it is good things. With drinking, even if it is miserable, we known the well-worn path and know what to expect. So we keep sticking to that because it is the easy way out. To get somewhere better we have to make that leap of faith and go with the change.
I remember a group meeting in rehab when we were talking about this. The psychologist said that we fear this change so much because we don't know what it will bring, even if we are told it is good things. With drinking, even if it is miserable, we known the well-worn path and know what to expect. So we keep sticking to that because it is the easy way out. To get somewhere better we have to make that leap of faith and go with the change.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Derbyshire Dales, UK.
Posts: 2,618
It can be incredibly frustrating to see someone still suffering on regardless.
My Granny had a saying though 'If you have nothing good to say, say nothing'
Don't be the reason (however ridiculous) that someone 'drinks at' today
Peace x
My Granny had a saying though 'If you have nothing good to say, say nothing'
Don't be the reason (however ridiculous) that someone 'drinks at' today
Peace x
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Queensland is a great place to live and while its important to note there are not free government rehabs on every corner., there is help available
Sweetichick If you haven't explored the public health rehab route yet - and if you want to - you can start the process by ringing the Qld Health Alcohol and Drugs Information Service.
Again ADIS can let you know which clinics are closest to wherever you are.
I'm not trying to push you into anything.
I just want you (and those reading) to know there are options - although there could also be waiting lists.
If you want to try the 90/90 AA route first that's your call and one I support
but you can note down the number or ask me for that ADIS number again if you change your mind
D
Sweetichick If you haven't explored the public health rehab route yet - and if you want to - you can start the process by ringing the Qld Health Alcohol and Drugs Information Service.
The Alcohol and Drug Information Service (ADIS) provides information, advice, counselling and referral for alcohol and drug issues.
Their number is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week: 1800 177 833
Their number is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week: 1800 177 833
Community Treatment Clinics
These clinics provide advice on treatment options and clinical services for anyone wanting help for drug dependence including opiate replacement therapy.
Access to these clinics is via the ADIS phone number above
These clinics provide advice on treatment options and clinical services for anyone wanting help for drug dependence including opiate replacement therapy.
Access to these clinics is via the ADIS phone number above
Community health services are located in each Hospital and Health Service across Queensland. They provide services such as health and dental checks, mental health support services, and support for dependency on alcohol, tobacco or other drugs.
Most services are provided to Medicare card holders at low or no cost, particularly if you hold a concession or health care card.
Most services are provided to Medicare card holders at low or no cost, particularly if you hold a concession or health care card.
I'm not trying to push you into anything.
I just want you (and those reading) to know there are options - although there could also be waiting lists.
If you want to try the 90/90 AA route first that's your call and one I support
but you can note down the number or ask me for that ADIS number again if you change your mind
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I can easily detox myself under a doctor because I am a binge drinker.
yes, which you stated you did in a Jan 10 post :
With the detox, I detoxes myself with the help of valium. Currently on day 2.
and then on Jan 13 stated:
I had another slip and are back on day 2.
which indicates that your self-detox isn't working. you are now simply adding another drug into the mix on your "off" days. actually your very first post ever here mentioned using valium........for detox, on day 2.
if you truly WANT to be sober, YOUR way isn't getting you there.
if sobriety is not your goal, then by all means keep doing what you are doing.
the solutions are simple.....not easy, but simple. these same solutions have been suggested on your threads hundreds of times by other members. if it seems repetitious, it's intentional. there is no secret, special path for anyone to get sober. it's dang hard work, whichever path one chooses. every day. never drinking again for any excuse on any day, no matter what.
yes, which you stated you did in a Jan 10 post :
With the detox, I detoxes myself with the help of valium. Currently on day 2.
and then on Jan 13 stated:
I had another slip and are back on day 2.
which indicates that your self-detox isn't working. you are now simply adding another drug into the mix on your "off" days. actually your very first post ever here mentioned using valium........for detox, on day 2.
if you truly WANT to be sober, YOUR way isn't getting you there.
if sobriety is not your goal, then by all means keep doing what you are doing.
the solutions are simple.....not easy, but simple. these same solutions have been suggested on your threads hundreds of times by other members. if it seems repetitious, it's intentional. there is no secret, special path for anyone to get sober. it's dang hard work, whichever path one chooses. every day. never drinking again for any excuse on any day, no matter what.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Casper, WY
Posts: 287
Keep doing what you've always done, and you'll get what you've always received.
I've been to state funded rehab four (4) times. I'm in debt because of it. But, and here's the kicker...
I'M ALIVE TO BE IN DEBT.
I, too, suffer from Bipolar I and was a long-time practicing alcoholic. Looking back, it took every drink, every lie to myself and others, every poor decision, every lost relationship, every bad thing that was attributed to my own choice to continue avoiding reality via chemical alteration before I was CRACKED THE **** OPEN and made willing. I thank God every day that all those things happened, because now I have a reference point for the personal hell I escaped. It doesn't take me long to get back into a point of gratitude and willingness when I compare how I was living to how I live today. I'd wager that there are many suffering alcoholics and addicts in my town, let alone my country or worldwide, that would trade places with me.
Over the course of this thread, there have been several people who have offered a corollary and contradictory response to your myriad excuses for NOT seeking professional level help. Every time we offer concrete advice, we are met with a victim mentality and more excuses.
Let me ask you this...
Do you REALLY want to get sober? Because your behavior (self-reported) thus far isn't indicating that you do.
When we find out we have this disease, we either die with it or die because of it. Which do you prefer?
I've been to state funded rehab four (4) times. I'm in debt because of it. But, and here's the kicker...
I'M ALIVE TO BE IN DEBT.
I, too, suffer from Bipolar I and was a long-time practicing alcoholic. Looking back, it took every drink, every lie to myself and others, every poor decision, every lost relationship, every bad thing that was attributed to my own choice to continue avoiding reality via chemical alteration before I was CRACKED THE **** OPEN and made willing. I thank God every day that all those things happened, because now I have a reference point for the personal hell I escaped. It doesn't take me long to get back into a point of gratitude and willingness when I compare how I was living to how I live today. I'd wager that there are many suffering alcoholics and addicts in my town, let alone my country or worldwide, that would trade places with me.
Over the course of this thread, there have been several people who have offered a corollary and contradictory response to your myriad excuses for NOT seeking professional level help. Every time we offer concrete advice, we are met with a victim mentality and more excuses.
Let me ask you this...
Do you REALLY want to get sober? Because your behavior (self-reported) thus far isn't indicating that you do.
When we find out we have this disease, we either die with it or die because of it. Which do you prefer?
Last edited by Austin4Wyo; 01-17-2019 at 03:35 PM. Reason: Emphasis and the feels
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
Thanks for all the replies and for asking about me.Currently at the end of another binge which started on Tuesday. I paid off all my loans and are out of money. I did it on purpose so I would run out. There is an option for me to go to a SMARTmeeting in real life. Aa on Sunday morning.I am taking every step zI can to make it financially impossible to drink. Buying all the things I need. Did 3 online 12 step meetings today but need real aa.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Drinking til you run out of money is not really a long term strategy, even if you do pay off your bills first. Been there done that - sold stuff, borrowed money, didn't eat and bought the cheapest rotgut booze in order to keep drinking...
I really don't know what else to suggest that hasn't been suggested before sweetichick.
I think that ADIS number is still your best chance of change, but whatever happens, you have commit to doing something different or the outcome is always going to be the same...or worse.
Plans to do this or do that sound good - and might even get folks off your back but unless you follow them through nothing changes.
I really hope you find a way to change sooner rather than later, or (God forbid) not at all.
D
I really don't know what else to suggest that hasn't been suggested before sweetichick.
I think that ADIS number is still your best chance of change, but whatever happens, you have commit to doing something different or the outcome is always going to be the same...or worse.
Plans to do this or do that sound good - and might even get folks off your back but unless you follow them through nothing changes.
I really hope you find a way to change sooner rather than later, or (God forbid) not at all.
D
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Drinking til you run out of money is not really a long term strategy, even if you do pay off your bills first. Been there done that - sold stuff, borrowed money, didn't eat and bought the cheapest rotgut booze in order to keep drinking...
I really don't know what else to suggest that hasn't been suggested before sweetichick.
I think that ADIS number is still your best chance of change, but whatever happens, you have commit to doing something different or the outcome is always going to be the same...or worse.
Plans to do this or do that sound good - and might even get folks off your back but unless you follow them through nothing changes.
I really hope you find a way to change sooner rather than later, or (God forbid) not at all.
D
I really don't know what else to suggest that hasn't been suggested before sweetichick.
I think that ADIS number is still your best chance of change, but whatever happens, you have commit to doing something different or the outcome is always going to be the same...or worse.
Plans to do this or do that sound good - and might even get folks off your back but unless you follow them through nothing changes.
I really hope you find a way to change sooner rather than later, or (God forbid) not at all.
D
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