Heart stress test tomorrow. Drank today and can't go to AA
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
I don't know what to say, Sweetichick, everyone here has shared so much advice. What I did notice is that there are almost two and a half thousand views on this thread. That's a lot of heart and energy coming your way over the course of what you have been going through. People obviously care a lot, but now you've got to care even more than anything or anyone else.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Hi sweetichick - I appreciate it's hard for you to get to face to face meetings right now but can you see how whacked out it is that you've been still going out to get booze?
I'm sure the bottle shop is closer but thats not the point, yeah?
Recovery means effort - you gotta make sure you're putting in the right kind pf effort.
I really believe you can do this - but only if you commit to new ways of dealing with life and its problems
D
I'm sure the bottle shop is closer but thats not the point, yeah?
Recovery means effort - you gotta make sure you're putting in the right kind pf effort.
I really believe you can do this - but only if you commit to new ways of dealing with life and its problems
D
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
Originally Posted by Guener
I don't know what to say, Sweetichick, everyone here has shared so much advice. What I did notice is that there are almost two and a half thousand views on this thread. That's a lot of heart and energy coming your way over the course of what you have been going through. People obviously care a lot, but now you've got to care even more than anything or anyone else.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Something in your actions have to change; or your plan has to change; what can you change to help your odds here? What can anyone say that will be that magic bullet? I read your threads and I just fear I see someone who just doesnt want to change. I had to actively take steps in my recovery. Sitting on my butt just didn't work for me. I thought I had the willpower and I dont. I had to make hard decisions and do the difficult actions. It's not until you do those things that you will progress. Everything is impossible if you make it impossible. No rehab, no detox, no face to face meetings... those are three of the biggest weapons to fight this and I feel you are not arming yourself with the tools...
Pick up one of those tools and see how it works.
Pick up one of those tools and see how it works.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
I think you live in a dream world. You expect me t9 sell my house to go to rehab. I can easily detox myself under a doctor because I am a binge drinker. I go to f2f if I can physically get there. Get off my case or I am resigning my membership. There's little love and support. You just use my honesty against me. Plus I have bipolar disorders and you make it worse. You don't even know meexcept what I type. I can see why so many leave.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
No-one is bullying you at all Sweetie and I am sorry you feel that way. Everyone has a different style here, some take the soft approach and others take a harder approach but none of it is meant in malice.
One thing that was very aparant when I went to rehab was how addicts/alcoholics like to play the victim when they are challenged. It was such a common trait amongst people with addiction issues we had 2 whole days of classes on this subject.
Because you are not regularly engaging in AA, seeing an addiction specialist or getting addiction counselling or going to rehab you have a lot to learn and what you are reading as bullying is exactly what you get taught at a rehab, some people are ready to hear it and others are still in denial and fight against it.
I saw many people come to rehab who fought for the first month they were there, as did I and just as you are doing now, but after a month they got to a point that they surrendered and realised what they were being taught was right, and for a chance of a sober life they had to get on board, get with the programme and stop playing the victim and start listening. At times it was comical to see a room of 30 alcoholics all blaming each other for everything and no-one taking any responsibility for their own actions but that is what we had learned to survive and get through life and it had worked...until it stopped working for us all and we ended up in rehab.
I did the exact same thing myself, I tried to leave the rehab 3 times, I couldn't accept my part in anything and I had the emotional age of a teenager, drinking had stopped me growing up and I threw tantrums and kicked off all the time because I had not learned a more mature way to deal with anything and I had no tools to make it better or change. I am so glad I stayed at rehab because the person that walked out after a couple of months was a completely different person to the one that walked in those doors.
It was hard, I had to face a LOT of uncomfortable truths about my behaviour, I cried a lot, for the first time I had to look at my part in things instead of my default which was to blame everyone and everything else and pull out the victim card. I know how hard it is to get from the place you are in Sweetie to the other side, because I have been exactly where you are.
I am not bullying you, I am sharing my own experience and telling you what kind of person I was, how I ended up in rehab and what I had to do to make a change because I see so much of my old behaviour in you.
One thing that was very aparant when I went to rehab was how addicts/alcoholics like to play the victim when they are challenged. It was such a common trait amongst people with addiction issues we had 2 whole days of classes on this subject.
Because you are not regularly engaging in AA, seeing an addiction specialist or getting addiction counselling or going to rehab you have a lot to learn and what you are reading as bullying is exactly what you get taught at a rehab, some people are ready to hear it and others are still in denial and fight against it.
I saw many people come to rehab who fought for the first month they were there, as did I and just as you are doing now, but after a month they got to a point that they surrendered and realised what they were being taught was right, and for a chance of a sober life they had to get on board, get with the programme and stop playing the victim and start listening. At times it was comical to see a room of 30 alcoholics all blaming each other for everything and no-one taking any responsibility for their own actions but that is what we had learned to survive and get through life and it had worked...until it stopped working for us all and we ended up in rehab.
I did the exact same thing myself, I tried to leave the rehab 3 times, I couldn't accept my part in anything and I had the emotional age of a teenager, drinking had stopped me growing up and I threw tantrums and kicked off all the time because I had not learned a more mature way to deal with anything and I had no tools to make it better or change. I am so glad I stayed at rehab because the person that walked out after a couple of months was a completely different person to the one that walked in those doors.
It was hard, I had to face a LOT of uncomfortable truths about my behaviour, I cried a lot, for the first time I had to look at my part in things instead of my default which was to blame everyone and everything else and pull out the victim card. I know how hard it is to get from the place you are in Sweetie to the other side, because I have been exactly where you are.
I am not bullying you, I am sharing my own experience and telling you what kind of person I was, how I ended up in rehab and what I had to do to make a change because I see so much of my old behaviour in you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by MantaLady
No-one is bullying you at all Sweetie and I am sorry you feel that way. Everyone has a different style here, some take the soft approach and others take a harder approach but none of it is meant in malice.
One thing that was very aparant when I went to rehab was how addicts/alcoholics like to play the victim when they are challenged. It was such a common trait amongst people with addiction issues we had 2 whole days of classes on this subject.
Because you are not regularly engaging in AA, seeing an addiction specialist or getting addiction counselling or going to rehab you have a lot to learn and what you are reading as bullying is exactly what you get taught at a rehab, some people are ready to hear it and others are still in denial and fight against it.
I saw many people come to rehab who fought for the first month they were there, as did I and just as you are doing now, but after a month they got to a point that they surrendered and realised what they were being taught was right, and for a chance of a sober life they had to get on board, get with the programme and stop playing the victim and start listening.
I did the exact same thing myself, I tried to leave the rehab 3 times, I couldn't accept my part in anything and I had the emotional age of a teenager, drinking had stopped me growing up and I threw tantrums and kicked off all the time because I had not learned a more mature way to deal with anything and I had no tools to make it better or change. I am so glad I stayed at rehab because the person that walked out after a couple of months was a completely different person to the one that walked in those doors.
It was hard, I had to face a LOT of uncomfortable truths about my behaviour, I cried a lot, for the first time I had to look at my part in things instead of my default which was to blame everyone and everything else and pull out the victim card. I know how hard it is to get from the place you are in Sweetie to the other side, because I have been exactly where you are.
I am not bullying you, I am sharing my own experience and telling you what kind of person I was, how I ended up in rehab and what I had to do to make a change because I see so much of my old behaviour in you.
One thing that was very aparant when I went to rehab was how addicts/alcoholics like to play the victim when they are challenged. It was such a common trait amongst people with addiction issues we had 2 whole days of classes on this subject.
Because you are not regularly engaging in AA, seeing an addiction specialist or getting addiction counselling or going to rehab you have a lot to learn and what you are reading as bullying is exactly what you get taught at a rehab, some people are ready to hear it and others are still in denial and fight against it.
I saw many people come to rehab who fought for the first month they were there, as did I and just as you are doing now, but after a month they got to a point that they surrendered and realised what they were being taught was right, and for a chance of a sober life they had to get on board, get with the programme and stop playing the victim and start listening.
I did the exact same thing myself, I tried to leave the rehab 3 times, I couldn't accept my part in anything and I had the emotional age of a teenager, drinking had stopped me growing up and I threw tantrums and kicked off all the time because I had not learned a more mature way to deal with anything and I had no tools to make it better or change. I am so glad I stayed at rehab because the person that walked out after a couple of months was a completely different person to the one that walked in those doors.
It was hard, I had to face a LOT of uncomfortable truths about my behaviour, I cried a lot, for the first time I had to look at my part in things instead of my default which was to blame everyone and everything else and pull out the victim card. I know how hard it is to get from the place you are in Sweetie to the other side, because I have been exactly where you are.
I am not bullying you, I am sharing my own experience and telling you what kind of person I was, how I ended up in rehab and what I had to do to make a change because I see so much of my old behaviour in you.
Know that you are not alone in this either sweeti, I had a major victim mentality while actively drinking and it is something I am still working on. I recall various posts here on the forum calling me out on it and some pretty nasty PM's telling me what a pathetic whiny victim I was. It hurts. The truth hurts. It is hard to do, I know this well, but has to be done to reach a level of maturity where we can reach out for help and accept the answers that come our way which include taking a good, hard look at ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,281
Sweeti -go and read the thread called "Just leave me alone" by Kdon853.
Please don't confuse people caring with bullying. People who take the time to read and respond to your posts, are doing it because we are all here for the same reason - to get and to offer advice.
Stay strong, Sweeti
Please don't confuse people caring with bullying. People who take the time to read and respond to your posts, are doing it because we are all here for the same reason - to get and to offer advice.
Stay strong, Sweeti
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Apparently years ago in AA they would take a really tough stance with newcomers. One guy did a chair recently shared that when he first got into AA he sat in a meeting and said he really didn't want to be there. The guy next to him said "well f$@k off then". Lol. I had to really laugh at that.
I am 9 months into recovery and it has been the hardest thing I ever had to do. I read something yesterday that said
" Stop waiting for around for someone to notice you need help, it's not happening,
No one is coming to save you,
Drop the damsel in distress act and pick up your goddamed sword,
You know you need help,
Get up and make it happen".
I love it. And I wanted to share. I am responsible for myself and my actions. I had to do whatever it took to not pick up that first drink. Nothing will change as long as you keep drinking. If just not drinking is all you can manage then so be it. Just get your head on the pillow sober at night. Forget everything else and just make not drinking your only priority .
Something else I like. "You can carry the message but not the alcoholic."
Get up and fight for your life Sweetie. I know you can do this.
Hugs, strength, love and courage for you.
Xx
I am 9 months into recovery and it has been the hardest thing I ever had to do. I read something yesterday that said
" Stop waiting for around for someone to notice you need help, it's not happening,
No one is coming to save you,
Drop the damsel in distress act and pick up your goddamed sword,
You know you need help,
Get up and make it happen".
I love it. And I wanted to share. I am responsible for myself and my actions. I had to do whatever it took to not pick up that first drink. Nothing will change as long as you keep drinking. If just not drinking is all you can manage then so be it. Just get your head on the pillow sober at night. Forget everything else and just make not drinking your only priority .
Something else I like. "You can carry the message but not the alcoholic."
Get up and fight for your life Sweetie. I know you can do this.
Hugs, strength, love and courage for you.
Xx
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
Sweetichick if you feel you're being bullied you can report posts, you can PM Anna or to me, or you can use the ignore function.
These are all things we've talked about before, so none of that should be new to you.
Obviously not everyone's approach or tone will suit you and you have the option of using the ignore function on those posters.
Noone needs to know who those posters are, not even me.
No one can tell you what to do, and noone else can live your life for you.
Thats the bottom line.
But I do believe everyone here wants to see you well - they want to see you stop drinking and they want to see you reclaim your life.
Your enemy is addiction. and maybe your own fears and lack of self esteem...not the folks here sweetichick.
D
These are all things we've talked about before, so none of that should be new to you.
Obviously not everyone's approach or tone will suit you and you have the option of using the ignore function on those posters.
Noone needs to know who those posters are, not even me.
No one can tell you what to do, and noone else can live your life for you.
Thats the bottom line.
But I do believe everyone here wants to see you well - they want to see you stop drinking and they want to see you reclaim your life.
Your enemy is addiction. and maybe your own fears and lack of self esteem...not the folks here sweetichick.
D
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
I don't really care if you all know I feel bullied or thiit I am playing the victim role. Just more psychological crap and you don't know my life story. Tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. I'm not telling you my life story as I have moved on from it. And I went to heaps of dual diagnosis rehabs years ago so there you go.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I find your comment very disrespectful and hurtful Sweetie, and whilst I really want to help support you and show you understanding I also have learned to set boundaries for myself to protect my sobriety. You have just crossed the line for me so I wish you well on your journey but I cannot be part of it anymore. x
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Originally Posted by snitch
" Stop waiting for around for someone to notice you need help, it's not happening,
No one is coming to save you,
Drop the damsel in distress act and pick up your goddamed sword,
You know you need help,
Get up and make it happen".
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
Just a reminder on conduct.
This rule applies to everyone, including you Sweetichick.
Lashing out at members is not one of the options I gave you in my post before, Sweetichick.
It's not helpful - and it's the pretty much the same thing you've accused other members of doing here.
Its only going to bring you the same kind of replies.
Respect is a two way street.
If you can't be respectful to other members here - or to me - I'll have to close this thread.
When I was drinking it was easier to get riled up over something than it was to actually work at stopping drinking.
It was a dumb way to live.
I think you're smarter than that,
Dee
Moderator
SR
This rule applies to everyone, including you Sweetichick.
4. No Flaming: Posting of any content with the intention of disrupting the forum or inflaming members-be it on someone's person, religious beliefs, race, national background, sexual orientation, or recovery program. This includes flaming, flame baiting, registration of multiple accounts or impersonation of another member. Do not Harass, threaten, embarrass or cause distress or discomfort upon another Online Forum participant. This includes flaming on our forums or other public forums.
No posts that attack, insult, "flame", defame, or abuse members or non-members. Respect other members of the community and don’t belittle, make fun of, or insult another member or non-member. Decisions about health and recovery are highly personal, individual choices. "Flaming" and insults, however, will not be tolerated. Agree to disagree. This applies to both the forums and chat.
It is also our policy not to allow threads that are purely to announce that you are unhappy here and "leaving the site'" or to post threads discussing why someone left or was banned. Such posts often detract from our purpose of providing support in recovery. Posts of this nature may be removed and continued posting of this nature could jeopardize your membership. If you wish to “leave” SR or just take a break from the site you are welcome to notify your friends via the Private Message feature
Ignore bothersome members. If there is someone on the forum that bothers you, select the Ignore option on the drop down menu under their name on the post. You won't see any posts from this member again.
No posts that attack, insult, "flame", defame, or abuse members or non-members. Respect other members of the community and don’t belittle, make fun of, or insult another member or non-member. Decisions about health and recovery are highly personal, individual choices. "Flaming" and insults, however, will not be tolerated. Agree to disagree. This applies to both the forums and chat.
It is also our policy not to allow threads that are purely to announce that you are unhappy here and "leaving the site'" or to post threads discussing why someone left or was banned. Such posts often detract from our purpose of providing support in recovery. Posts of this nature may be removed and continued posting of this nature could jeopardize your membership. If you wish to “leave” SR or just take a break from the site you are welcome to notify your friends via the Private Message feature
Ignore bothersome members. If there is someone on the forum that bothers you, select the Ignore option on the drop down menu under their name on the post. You won't see any posts from this member again.
It's not helpful - and it's the pretty much the same thing you've accused other members of doing here.
Its only going to bring you the same kind of replies.
Respect is a two way street.
If you can't be respectful to other members here - or to me - I'll have to close this thread.
When I was drinking it was easier to get riled up over something than it was to actually work at stopping drinking.
It was a dumb way to live.
I think you're smarter than that,
Dee
Moderator
SR
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Garnet valley, PA
Posts: 52
Sweeti, I'm think it's been suggested before, have you spoken to your doctor about Antabuse?
Or, can you stay with someone who can help you? Make it impossible for you to get alcohol? Turn your car keys over to them? Can you walk into a hospital and tell them you're afraid you're going to die, shortly, from alcoholism?
It's that serious Sweeti. I have been praying for you.
Or, can you stay with someone who can help you? Make it impossible for you to get alcohol? Turn your car keys over to them? Can you walk into a hospital and tell them you're afraid you're going to die, shortly, from alcoholism?
It's that serious Sweeti. I have been praying for you.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Tomsteve raises an excellent point about rehab. Your comment about believing people are jealous of the australia benefits system and the fact you said you've not worked for 20 years would imply that unless you are living off inheritance or savings or someone is paying you to survive then you MUST be in receipt of government benefits.
If so, as you said, rehab is free for people who are in receipt of benefits so then you would be eligible for free rehab. so unless you really just don't want to go then there is no reason not to.
I know for me, I have to look at what I CAN do to get and stay sober not keep making excuses/reasons as to why I keep drinking.
If so, as you said, rehab is free for people who are in receipt of benefits so then you would be eligible for free rehab. so unless you really just don't want to go then there is no reason not to.
I know for me, I have to look at what I CAN do to get and stay sober not keep making excuses/reasons as to why I keep drinking.
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