ulfr

THIS THREAD IS AN ACCOUNTABILITY THREAD FOR SERENITY RIVER
TO STAY AWAY OFF THINGS THAT DISTRUCTIVE TO SERENITY RIVER AND THOESE AROUND THEM .

today i have started this on the 6/1/2019
to stay away of all things harmful to myself please reply and i will keep this updated

decchemist

Can you give a numbered list of the things you will keep away from? Having read some of your posts before I am aware of the 'christian' websites. What else?

Purplrks3647

I like this idea Serenity!

biminiblue

I have a sticky note above my bathroom mirror that says, "Do only that which is good for you."

God is for you, SerenityRiver.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
~ Philippians 4:6-7

ulfr

the main things i obsess over is
Religions
the forum am trying to get away from
drink
engaging in eating disorder behaviour
engaging in self harm behaviour
engaging in other dangerous behavior

also my pastor says i sound like am manic eg bipolar
i am making an appointment as soon asap
my husband also is stressed and unwell
everything is my fault most of the time it is
i have the though of trying to help myself by making myself blind or some way unable to go on line i cant just turn the internet off when am out the house am ok but as soon as i get home am on the internet and i have started to take my laptop out with me am actually at a drop in at the moment
i went to an AA meeting today and i making myself busy am going to see my pastor on Tuesday going to all the drop in and meetings just keep its in the moment one hour at a time

ScottFromWI

Acknowledging and accepting your issues is a very important step, glad you are doing so Serenity.

ulfr

i feel like everything is so bad that i want to end it drink and OD But if i did that id be gone i want to run away just live in the gutter somewhere pissed **** life
this isnt living and this isnt its hell i have came to hell

Purplrks3647

(((Serenity))) Have you visited any of these forums yet? There are counseling centers and hotlines....maybe it would help for you to call and speak to someone

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-read.html

ulfr

Yayayayay i found somewhere where i can post my mindless stuff at loads of swearing a vent area on one of the less destructive forums

ulfr

am vaping wanted a smoke someone gave me cig in AA walked up the steps husband was there BUSTED we got a vape need it for my nerves well thats how i feel
went to two aa meetings yesterday can only make one today
i have had dreams about me ending it graphic ****** up ****
maybe am not real not alive but also not dead I AM A VOID

Purplrks3647

Great work making it to the meetings Not sure if you're familiar with "Smart" Recovery but they have online meetings as well; they've been very helpful for me. Stay close!

https://www.smartrecovery.org/community/

Dee74

Did you make that appointment you were thinking about SerenityRiver?

D

Purplrks3647

Hi Serenity Just checking in....Hope all is well! I'll be needing to stay close to SR this weekend so maybe I'll see U around

ulfr

Am still having issues with a number of things i am still in the eating disorder forums the christian forum isnt an issue at the moment as the eating disorder forum is keeping me busy
sorry i havent updated until now just watch the catch up on channel5 doc about addiction it was good
am thinking about it i havent gotten to my rock bottom i dont want to go there at all but i need to work on my program

Dee74

Is the eating disorder forum a positive one, serenityriver?
if it's not maybe it needs to go the way of the Christian one?

D

Purplrks3647

Just wanted to stop by and say hi.....Hope things are going better for you

Meraviglioso

Hi there SerenityRiver, I hope you are feeling calm and ok today. I have to say that you are an amazing inspiration to me. You have remained sober through so many trying times. I know it gets tough for you, but you always seem to pull through, that is a massive accomplishment and again, a big inspiration to someone like me.

I quoted this post of yours because if I remember correctly (do correct me if I'm wrong) you suffer from schizophrenia. Years ago I worked at a group home for adults suffering from varying levels of schizophrenia and noted the incredible amount that people smoked. I asked my supervisor about this and she showed me various studies where it was shown that nicotine drastically reduced the symptoms of those suffering from schizophrenia. The effect was immediate and very short lived, thus people found relief from symptoms only during the actual time it took to smoke a cigarette and for only a few minutes after.

This presents an obviously complicated issue as smoking is very unhealthy (I know, I do it myself). I wonder, and really this is just me wondering around, absolutely NO medical training to back this up, but I wonder if something like a nicotine replacement patch might be helpful to you? You could avoid smoking but still get some nicotine. Again, te be very clear, I have no idea if this is appropriate or would be helpful but if could be something to ask your doctor about.

I really hesitated to post this, in fact I have been sitting on these thoughts for days. I did not want to assume anything about you or your mental health. I do not want to stir up or trigger any negative behaviours, and I do not want to send you into a place where your decisions are justified or not justified or are more complicated. I do hope that if a mod looks this over and deems it unhelpful it will be deleted immediately. I just wanted to provide an alternative point of view on your desire to smoke.

Please take care of yourself. Reach out if this post is offensive to you or elicits unwanted emotions, I will certainly delete it immediately.

MantaLady

Hi Mera, I think it’s more about the physical aspect of smoking that helps so doubt a nicotine patch helps. When your physically doing something your brain engages unconsciously to a specific task which helps keep this type of disorder at bay whilst in the act so to speak. Grounding and using meditation beads works in a similar level, when your mind is busy and you feel the beads in your fingers your brain engages another one of your 6 senses rather than just focusing on one and it’s very effective. I am no expert though!

Meraviglioso

MantaLady

Thanks Mera! I’ll have a read up on that link. It’s fascinating what science can uncover! x