What happens when you quit the eve of New Years Eve
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 64
What happens when you quit the eve of New Years Eve
Hello everyone
What happens when you quit the eve of New Years Eve? Well... for me it means being up at 2am on day 4 of my recovery. I'm counting this as the start of Day 4 since my last drink was around 1:30 am on Dec 29.
This is it though, the final ride of being in detox hell. It'll be okay, at least that's what I keep telling myself.
Let me introduce myself. I am a 41 year old female living in Michigan who is a very high functioning alcoholic. I have a great husband (drinking partner) and two beautiful kids, boy and girl. Ages 14 and 13. Yes, those ages are great for having an excuse to drink everyday, because surviving these teenage years is a challenge! Anyway, I have a great job that allows me to work from home. I have to travel for my work by airplane every few weeks. This an alcoholics dream, being able to work in my pajamas all day and then drinking at airports on travel days. I consider myself high functioning because I do well at my job. I have everyone fooled. I had myself fooled. It's only a matter of time before the people around me really see me as I am. Just another drunk living her day around the bottles.
My drinking involves mixing coca cola with various things. That was my main love, and for years (since I was 19) this has steadily increased from only weekends, to just a few nights a week, to every day. Multiple drinks. I also drink wine because I fool myself into thinking this is the healthier choice. Feel free to laugh at that. But this was my thinking, because I'm now 60 pounds overweight and drinking a 2 liter of soda with my alcohol everynight is a big contributor to that, so wine will help? LOL.. yeah the recycle bin showing my bottles of shame kind of woke me up on just how much I'm drinking.
Okay so why now? Why on New Years eve eve? I'm the one that wants to start diets on Monday, wants to just have one more blow out before I quit for good. I do this every year. Every New Years I drink and then try to go the entire month of January dry. The last couple years I was only successful in the first part. Getting really party drunk, but not staying quit the whole month of January. So it's time to do something new this year. In reality, just waiting for another Monday doesn't help. If you want to be serious about giving up a bad habit, then there is no great excuse to wait. Just do it! So that is what I did.. I'm doing it.
After being in hangover hell on Dec 30th, I thought this is it. I just can't waste my life anymore laying in bed suffering the effects of my drinking binges. So I came on here, and read some inspirational posts about people who have been quit and stayed that way. I was too sick to sign up my own account, but I did listen to podcasts the entire day. With each one I listened to, my resolve became stronger and stronger. I can relate to so many things that were being shared, and I just want to live a healthier life. I really want that for myself. I need to do this, it's not fair to myself or my family to not give them the healthiest version of me I can be.
Convincing myself took a day. In the past, I was always willing to quit for a week, month, or try to cut down. I have tried to cut down and moderate more times than I can count. Seriously, I couldn't even guestimate because it's just a lot. Moderation doesn't work for me. I'm a binge drinker, I love the feeling of getting buzzed fast and I drink as much and as fast as I can. I try not to embarrass myself in front of friends, co-workers, etc... but I'm the one that can look normal in front of you, and then go back to my hotel and drink myself to sleep. I've also gotten very good at corrupting fellow co-workers to stay out drinking with me too. I'm not proud.
My husband is my best friend and best drinking partner. He will be doing his usual trying to quit all of January, but has no intention of giving up alcohol for good. I had a slight panic attack when we talked about this. It was on my day 1, during the night where most of my hangover was gone. My feelings about that were what I think a lot of other people are going through with their spouses/drinking partners. I have a lot of fear that he'll find me boring now. We've been together 18 years and have a very fun and good marriage. We drink and laugh ourselves to bed everynight. We day drink together. I need to make sure I try to stay a fun partner, and on day 1 I had severe anxiety just thinking about this, but then I took a deep breath and thought this is day 1, lets get into the New Year. Lets take this one day at a time. And.. I calmed down. It's going to be okay.
New Years Eve is when we go to friends house to stay the night. We've done this every year for over 10 years now. Our hosts are not big drinkers. They drink with us on this day, but I drink 8 drinks to my friends half a glass of wine. So this year when I told them I will not be drinking there was shock. I didn't think they'd care, because like I said they don't really drink. She tells me she was drinking this year, and I wanted her to. I even brought her a new wine I've been saving and wanting to try with her for this very occassion. I did not want to even taste the wine, but I didn't want it to go to waste either. I really mean it when I say this is for good. I thought why keep that wine in my house and save it? My husband does not drink wine, he's a beer man. So I gave it to her fully without any qualms or jealousy that I would be 'missing out'.
What's funny is all the convincing she tried to do on telling me I didn't have a problem. All I could think was - well good job to me right? I hide my drinking so well. I went on to tell her all my drinking habits and I don't think I was able to sell her on me having a drinking problem. I have to tell you, I did not expect this, but I carried on. Then my 13 year old daughter came up and heard a bit of what I was talking about. She starts siding with my friend that I can't NOT drink tonight. I need to drink. Whoa, and wow!! Okay so good on me again? My kids think all the drinking in the house every single day and night is normal? Yikes... I got some work to do there. So here I am convincing both of them that no, this is the right choice for me. I need to not drink and I will still have fun.
The night ended up with me having fun. I played video games and ate a lot of junk food. My good friend telling me I don't have a problem sipped her one glass of wine the entire night. She does this every year, I tell her she drinks her one glass of wine, while I have 8 drinks. This year I watched and she nursed that wine all night. In the morning, the bottle still had wine in it. LOL, geez I wish I could be that kind of drinker. My reality is that bottle would have been gone in the first half hour, then I would have had my usual mixed drinks all night.
Can I say I woke up feeling great? No.. It was my day 3 on New Years day. I had the night sweats. It was a rocky sleep, but I feel really good about myself that I stayed sober and I know I will continue on this journey and face whatever highs and lows are coming my way in 2019 without my usual coping method of alcohol.
Thank you if you've read this far. I am going to continue on focusing on my body, mind, and a spirituality. There is a podcast that asks the question of what were those 3 things like when you were drinking, and how are they now? I have to admit, my body is suffering being overweight. I have depression issues which research shows drinking does not help with. I don't have too much in spirituality, so that could use some improvement too. What I will do to improve is continue with my 30 day yoga challenge. I have Amazon prime membership and found a great beginners course I can do from my home. Day 4 for that today too! I'm loving that course. For my mind, I stopped taking my medication because it says not to drink with it. I chose drinking instead. As of last night, I'm back on my meds. I figured I should get some of my detox out first before starting back. For spirit, I'm going to try meditating. I downloaded the app Insight Timer, and I recommend that for anyone looking to get started on guided meditation. I used to scoff at people that told me they did meditation, like who has time for that crap. My view on this has changed and I'm hoping I can get it as part of my morning routine.
Speaking of morning, it's now 3am. I should try to doze off to the TV. I'm still off work until the 7th, which I'm hoping gives my body enough time to detox and get back to a somewhat normal sleep schedule again.
Alright, thank you everyone for reading. I wish you a great and sober day ahead.
What happens when you quit the eve of New Years Eve? Well... for me it means being up at 2am on day 4 of my recovery. I'm counting this as the start of Day 4 since my last drink was around 1:30 am on Dec 29.
This is it though, the final ride of being in detox hell. It'll be okay, at least that's what I keep telling myself.
Let me introduce myself. I am a 41 year old female living in Michigan who is a very high functioning alcoholic. I have a great husband (drinking partner) and two beautiful kids, boy and girl. Ages 14 and 13. Yes, those ages are great for having an excuse to drink everyday, because surviving these teenage years is a challenge! Anyway, I have a great job that allows me to work from home. I have to travel for my work by airplane every few weeks. This an alcoholics dream, being able to work in my pajamas all day and then drinking at airports on travel days. I consider myself high functioning because I do well at my job. I have everyone fooled. I had myself fooled. It's only a matter of time before the people around me really see me as I am. Just another drunk living her day around the bottles.
My drinking involves mixing coca cola with various things. That was my main love, and for years (since I was 19) this has steadily increased from only weekends, to just a few nights a week, to every day. Multiple drinks. I also drink wine because I fool myself into thinking this is the healthier choice. Feel free to laugh at that. But this was my thinking, because I'm now 60 pounds overweight and drinking a 2 liter of soda with my alcohol everynight is a big contributor to that, so wine will help? LOL.. yeah the recycle bin showing my bottles of shame kind of woke me up on just how much I'm drinking.
Okay so why now? Why on New Years eve eve? I'm the one that wants to start diets on Monday, wants to just have one more blow out before I quit for good. I do this every year. Every New Years I drink and then try to go the entire month of January dry. The last couple years I was only successful in the first part. Getting really party drunk, but not staying quit the whole month of January. So it's time to do something new this year. In reality, just waiting for another Monday doesn't help. If you want to be serious about giving up a bad habit, then there is no great excuse to wait. Just do it! So that is what I did.. I'm doing it.
After being in hangover hell on Dec 30th, I thought this is it. I just can't waste my life anymore laying in bed suffering the effects of my drinking binges. So I came on here, and read some inspirational posts about people who have been quit and stayed that way. I was too sick to sign up my own account, but I did listen to podcasts the entire day. With each one I listened to, my resolve became stronger and stronger. I can relate to so many things that were being shared, and I just want to live a healthier life. I really want that for myself. I need to do this, it's not fair to myself or my family to not give them the healthiest version of me I can be.
Convincing myself took a day. In the past, I was always willing to quit for a week, month, or try to cut down. I have tried to cut down and moderate more times than I can count. Seriously, I couldn't even guestimate because it's just a lot. Moderation doesn't work for me. I'm a binge drinker, I love the feeling of getting buzzed fast and I drink as much and as fast as I can. I try not to embarrass myself in front of friends, co-workers, etc... but I'm the one that can look normal in front of you, and then go back to my hotel and drink myself to sleep. I've also gotten very good at corrupting fellow co-workers to stay out drinking with me too. I'm not proud.
My husband is my best friend and best drinking partner. He will be doing his usual trying to quit all of January, but has no intention of giving up alcohol for good. I had a slight panic attack when we talked about this. It was on my day 1, during the night where most of my hangover was gone. My feelings about that were what I think a lot of other people are going through with their spouses/drinking partners. I have a lot of fear that he'll find me boring now. We've been together 18 years and have a very fun and good marriage. We drink and laugh ourselves to bed everynight. We day drink together. I need to make sure I try to stay a fun partner, and on day 1 I had severe anxiety just thinking about this, but then I took a deep breath and thought this is day 1, lets get into the New Year. Lets take this one day at a time. And.. I calmed down. It's going to be okay.
New Years Eve is when we go to friends house to stay the night. We've done this every year for over 10 years now. Our hosts are not big drinkers. They drink with us on this day, but I drink 8 drinks to my friends half a glass of wine. So this year when I told them I will not be drinking there was shock. I didn't think they'd care, because like I said they don't really drink. She tells me she was drinking this year, and I wanted her to. I even brought her a new wine I've been saving and wanting to try with her for this very occassion. I did not want to even taste the wine, but I didn't want it to go to waste either. I really mean it when I say this is for good. I thought why keep that wine in my house and save it? My husband does not drink wine, he's a beer man. So I gave it to her fully without any qualms or jealousy that I would be 'missing out'.
What's funny is all the convincing she tried to do on telling me I didn't have a problem. All I could think was - well good job to me right? I hide my drinking so well. I went on to tell her all my drinking habits and I don't think I was able to sell her on me having a drinking problem. I have to tell you, I did not expect this, but I carried on. Then my 13 year old daughter came up and heard a bit of what I was talking about. She starts siding with my friend that I can't NOT drink tonight. I need to drink. Whoa, and wow!! Okay so good on me again? My kids think all the drinking in the house every single day and night is normal? Yikes... I got some work to do there. So here I am convincing both of them that no, this is the right choice for me. I need to not drink and I will still have fun.
The night ended up with me having fun. I played video games and ate a lot of junk food. My good friend telling me I don't have a problem sipped her one glass of wine the entire night. She does this every year, I tell her she drinks her one glass of wine, while I have 8 drinks. This year I watched and she nursed that wine all night. In the morning, the bottle still had wine in it. LOL, geez I wish I could be that kind of drinker. My reality is that bottle would have been gone in the first half hour, then I would have had my usual mixed drinks all night.
Can I say I woke up feeling great? No.. It was my day 3 on New Years day. I had the night sweats. It was a rocky sleep, but I feel really good about myself that I stayed sober and I know I will continue on this journey and face whatever highs and lows are coming my way in 2019 without my usual coping method of alcohol.
Thank you if you've read this far. I am going to continue on focusing on my body, mind, and a spirituality. There is a podcast that asks the question of what were those 3 things like when you were drinking, and how are they now? I have to admit, my body is suffering being overweight. I have depression issues which research shows drinking does not help with. I don't have too much in spirituality, so that could use some improvement too. What I will do to improve is continue with my 30 day yoga challenge. I have Amazon prime membership and found a great beginners course I can do from my home. Day 4 for that today too! I'm loving that course. For my mind, I stopped taking my medication because it says not to drink with it. I chose drinking instead. As of last night, I'm back on my meds. I figured I should get some of my detox out first before starting back. For spirit, I'm going to try meditating. I downloaded the app Insight Timer, and I recommend that for anyone looking to get started on guided meditation. I used to scoff at people that told me they did meditation, like who has time for that crap. My view on this has changed and I'm hoping I can get it as part of my morning routine.
Speaking of morning, it's now 3am. I should try to doze off to the TV. I'm still off work until the 7th, which I'm hoping gives my body enough time to detox and get back to a somewhat normal sleep schedule again.
Alright, thank you everyone for reading. I wish you a great and sober day ahead.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East Midlands UK
Posts: 502
Hi and welcome.
Fascinating to read such a well thought out and observational post. One thing I do know, nobody here will laugh at you. All our journeys may be different, but we’ve all ended up here.
Well done on what you’ve achieved so far
Fascinating to read such a well thought out and observational post. One thing I do know, nobody here will laugh at you. All our journeys may be different, but we’ve all ended up here.
Well done on what you’ve achieved so far
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
I have a group of friends that drank together extremely heavily in our 40s, in fact we were dubbed the "Liquor Locusts" because we'd hit a party, drink all the booze, and then move onto the next one.
We have nearly all since quit or moderated (the moderators are those that never really drank that heavily in the first place).
When they came to visit me in rehab, all very supportive, I started telling them what was really happening in my life, to the point where I almost drank myself to death (had I continued on for another few months I would have done permanent damage or died). The repeated refrain was 'how did we not know this?'
I have a mother who was raised by a bipolar mother, so mom and her siblings were terrified by depression. I learned to hide depression in my teen years. After that, hiding heavy drinking was a walk in the park. I'd be the voice of moderation at our wine parties, drive home responsibly (not always, of course) and then hit the vodka when I got home until I passed out.
It's good you stopped. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and "functional alcoholics" rarely remain all that functional.
You are doing a lot of good things for your sobriety. Hopefully you've fully accepted that moderation does not work for you, will never work, and one drink will take you right back to where you were...or worse, as it IS a progressive disease.
Congrats on your progress. Use Sober Recovery as a tool, and don't be afraid to do whatever it takes to keep quit.
Bravo.
We have nearly all since quit or moderated (the moderators are those that never really drank that heavily in the first place).
When they came to visit me in rehab, all very supportive, I started telling them what was really happening in my life, to the point where I almost drank myself to death (had I continued on for another few months I would have done permanent damage or died). The repeated refrain was 'how did we not know this?'
I have a mother who was raised by a bipolar mother, so mom and her siblings were terrified by depression. I learned to hide depression in my teen years. After that, hiding heavy drinking was a walk in the park. I'd be the voice of moderation at our wine parties, drive home responsibly (not always, of course) and then hit the vodka when I got home until I passed out.
It's good you stopped. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and "functional alcoholics" rarely remain all that functional.
You are doing a lot of good things for your sobriety. Hopefully you've fully accepted that moderation does not work for you, will never work, and one drink will take you right back to where you were...or worse, as it IS a progressive disease.
Congrats on your progress. Use Sober Recovery as a tool, and don't be afraid to do whatever it takes to keep quit.
Bravo.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi Ginger - welcome 
Quitting drinking meant a lot of changes for me, but without those changes I wouldn't have the life I have now which I love, or the peace and serenity I have, which I never had as a drinker.
My social life has never been better either.
I have no regrets
D
Quitting drinking meant a lot of changes for me, but without those changes I wouldn't have the life I have now which I love, or the peace and serenity I have, which I never had as a drinker.
My social life has never been better either.
I have no regrets
D
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Ginger- so glad you are here and sharing. You are sharing a whole lot of things I relate to (as do those who've already commented, and plenty more who will chime in) and only saw change or improve or go away once I got sober.
Hope you stay with us, do make this your last w/drawal period and take that risk to this side and build a good life in recovery.
Hope you stay with us, do make this your last w/drawal period and take that risk to this side and build a good life in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 174
Hi GingerSnow, first off, I love your name! Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I can sure relate to it. I am also a binge drinker... the faster and more wine, the better. Well, at least that's how I felt when I was guzzling it down. But that's not how I want to live and sobriety is the only way for me. It's Day 2 for me.
I'm glad we can be on this journey together!
I'm glad we can be on this journey together!
Last edited by BlueWellies; 01-02-2019 at 08:41 AM. Reason: spelling
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 508
Welcome Ginger!
Your drinking story reminds me of my very own drinking habit, "A Functional Drinker". I have had more sober days in 2018 than drunk days. But I don't feel that is enough. I need to be sober that's it. Everyday I was sober was better than any day drunk.
I have found great support here at SR. Best of luck.
Your drinking story reminds me of my very own drinking habit, "A Functional Drinker". I have had more sober days in 2018 than drunk days. But I don't feel that is enough. I need to be sober that's it. Everyday I was sober was better than any day drunk.
I have found great support here at SR. Best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 198
Congratulations on this decision! Your post is so thoughtful written. Glad to see
you mention Insight Timer. It's so helpful and easy to use. Sometimes I just use the timer, sometimes a guided meditation, sometimes just music. On really hard days when I am super-stressed and scattered, just the 1 minute "Calm" really helps.
you mention Insight Timer. It's so helpful and easy to use. Sometimes I just use the timer, sometimes a guided meditation, sometimes just music. On really hard days when I am super-stressed and scattered, just the 1 minute "Calm" really helps.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,908
Haven’t read all the responses yet but I did read your whole post. FWIW a year ago to the day I decided to take a day off. Then a bit longer. And finally with the support of folks here, indefinitely. I am married to my heavily daily drinking husband of 13 years. We have a house swimming in booze. I also haven’t had a single person tell me they thought I had a problem. I’ve had a lot of people tell me I didn’t. Including people I was sure were judging me for drinking to excess. Can’t say it’s always been easy but I have found a presence of mind I did not think was possible. I’m making choices for myself instead of just what I think the world wants from me. At the end of the day the person that matters in terms of where we are is our own voice at 3 am. That is the friend who knows it has gotten past the point where it’s any good for us. I wish you all the best. And when I am not typing on my tiny phone and only Able to see part of the sceeen I’ll try to pm you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Welcome, Gingersnow, Happy new year and congratulations on four days and a decision you will not regret. You are thoughtful and have a keen sense of observation--that will serve you well in recovery; meditation and yoga were/are great helps to me for mind and body. Since I wrecked my car and can't afford another I've been on my bike for 3 years and during this time I've lost 50 pounds, am in excellent shape and realized that for the most part I don't even need a car! Wishing you all the best on your sober journey; SR is a great place for advice, help and support from a wonderful group who really understand.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Welcome. You're going to find so much support at SR..a find and a half. The worst of withdrawal is probably behind you now. You're very lucky it went ok as its very dangerous to detox w/o a doctor advising. Just my soap box.
Keep posting. You are a great writer, with a very relatable story. I think your metamorphosis could really help a lot of people here to both get and stay sober. I know I am very interested in the read!
You can do it. Hold on even when you think you cannot. It gets easier each time & you realize you can get through anything. It feels amazing.
Jules
Keep posting. You are a great writer, with a very relatable story. I think your metamorphosis could really help a lot of people here to both get and stay sober. I know I am very interested in the read!
You can do it. Hold on even when you think you cannot. It gets easier each time & you realize you can get through anything. It feels amazing.
Jules
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 64
Day 4 and it goes on and on
Hello,
Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reply. I appreciate it. Mindfulman, I need to work on getting some friends. Our party hosts are a long drive away, and I really don't have a social circle right now. I have a lot of room for improvement in many areas. I'm looking forward to making these improvements start to happen.
Today is my day 4, and it just keeps going on and on. It doesn't help I started at 2am, didn't get back to sleep until 6:30 and then got up at 8. It's okay though, I fell asleep at 9pm last night and adding it all up, it's still at least 5 hours. I have this week off from work, so hopefully the sleep schedule will normalize by Monday.
I'm a bit emotional today, I got up from the couch this morning after waking up and went into the bedroom to hear some type of hard metal rock song playing. I don't do metal, that's all my husband. To me it just sounds like screaming noise. I don't know why, but it made me angry. Totally unreasonable to be angry at that. I told him he replaced me with a radio because he would have never had that playing if I didn't move to the couch last night. Crazy and even as I was saying it I knew it was crazy. It's going to be a bit rocky getting through these days, so seatbelt on. He's just an awesome soul though, and said the right things to make me feel better.
This morning I went and picked up my new car. I got a new Jeep Compass trading in my old jeep that had been paid off for years. I know it's silly to get sentimental over some metal and plastic, but I will miss my old jeep. The new one I wasn't very excited about. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful I can afford to finance a new car. It's just that I'd rather not have 2 car payments, and now I do again. Plus I just knew it wasn't going to go smooth. I must have the word sucker written on my face because they tried to bait and switch me on the finance terms. There was another incident over some paperwork. In the end, they made things right on both issues and I walked away with what I was promised plus a little bit better. It's just I had to fight for it. Plus I was there for almost 2 extra hours than I planned to be. When I went to sign all this paperwork, my hands were not shaking. I consider that a good sign that maybe the worst of withdrawls are over, but my signature wasn't very good. Oh well. I didn't need the fight but I will fight when needed. My father would have been proud of me if he saw how I handled it. At least I hope he would have. The finance lady who brought in the manager multiple times told me at the end that she hoped I wasn't mad at her, and I told her of course not and I hope I didn't sound aggressive at her, but I did fight with the manager to get my point across and to make them deliver on their previous promise. She said she thought I was very professional and reasonable, and that others that come in are not so much. I consider that a win, except I wish I wasn't put in the position to begin with.
After getting home, I did day 4 of my 30 day yoga challenge. I am so loving this video series.
For my emotional health, I think I need to change when I take my meds to be taken in the morning and not at night. I think that had something to do with my lack of sleep last night along with the withdrawals. Yoga is helping me realize that I can do some breathing exercises through stressful moments, and I can tell you it did work today as I was waiting for the manager to come back for round 2.
I can't explain to you all why I know that this time is different. I just do. My father told me a story of how he quit smoking when they started putting labels on with health warnings. That was awhile ago and before I was even born. He said he saw that and quit cold turkey, never going back. It turns out I later found out a few years after he passed away that I was adopted and he wasn't my real father. Whatever genetics that helped him do cold turkey couldn't have been passed to me, so it has to be something mental. I just know I'm done with drinking now. I tried moderating too many times and I don't know why I'd think things would be different by trying again, so I have no intention of ever trying again. I miss my father and wish I could share my car dealership story with him. He used to tell me to always get the floor mats and a full tank of gas. He was a good negotiator and I never heard him swear. I'm trying to follow in those footsteps. I may have yelled bullshi* at the manager though, but I think it was just once lol. What can I say, I have an Irish temper sometimes.
Thank you everyone for hanging out with me. I hope you don't mind my journaling, I have heard it's healthy. It helps me read other peoples stories so I hope it goes both ways and it's therapeutic for the author and reader. Have a happy and sober day!
Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reply. I appreciate it. Mindfulman, I need to work on getting some friends. Our party hosts are a long drive away, and I really don't have a social circle right now. I have a lot of room for improvement in many areas. I'm looking forward to making these improvements start to happen.
Today is my day 4, and it just keeps going on and on. It doesn't help I started at 2am, didn't get back to sleep until 6:30 and then got up at 8. It's okay though, I fell asleep at 9pm last night and adding it all up, it's still at least 5 hours. I have this week off from work, so hopefully the sleep schedule will normalize by Monday.
I'm a bit emotional today, I got up from the couch this morning after waking up and went into the bedroom to hear some type of hard metal rock song playing. I don't do metal, that's all my husband. To me it just sounds like screaming noise. I don't know why, but it made me angry. Totally unreasonable to be angry at that. I told him he replaced me with a radio because he would have never had that playing if I didn't move to the couch last night. Crazy and even as I was saying it I knew it was crazy. It's going to be a bit rocky getting through these days, so seatbelt on. He's just an awesome soul though, and said the right things to make me feel better.
This morning I went and picked up my new car. I got a new Jeep Compass trading in my old jeep that had been paid off for years. I know it's silly to get sentimental over some metal and plastic, but I will miss my old jeep. The new one I wasn't very excited about. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful I can afford to finance a new car. It's just that I'd rather not have 2 car payments, and now I do again. Plus I just knew it wasn't going to go smooth. I must have the word sucker written on my face because they tried to bait and switch me on the finance terms. There was another incident over some paperwork. In the end, they made things right on both issues and I walked away with what I was promised plus a little bit better. It's just I had to fight for it. Plus I was there for almost 2 extra hours than I planned to be. When I went to sign all this paperwork, my hands were not shaking. I consider that a good sign that maybe the worst of withdrawls are over, but my signature wasn't very good. Oh well. I didn't need the fight but I will fight when needed. My father would have been proud of me if he saw how I handled it. At least I hope he would have. The finance lady who brought in the manager multiple times told me at the end that she hoped I wasn't mad at her, and I told her of course not and I hope I didn't sound aggressive at her, but I did fight with the manager to get my point across and to make them deliver on their previous promise. She said she thought I was very professional and reasonable, and that others that come in are not so much. I consider that a win, except I wish I wasn't put in the position to begin with.
After getting home, I did day 4 of my 30 day yoga challenge. I am so loving this video series.
For my emotional health, I think I need to change when I take my meds to be taken in the morning and not at night. I think that had something to do with my lack of sleep last night along with the withdrawals. Yoga is helping me realize that I can do some breathing exercises through stressful moments, and I can tell you it did work today as I was waiting for the manager to come back for round 2.
I can't explain to you all why I know that this time is different. I just do. My father told me a story of how he quit smoking when they started putting labels on with health warnings. That was awhile ago and before I was even born. He said he saw that and quit cold turkey, never going back. It turns out I later found out a few years after he passed away that I was adopted and he wasn't my real father. Whatever genetics that helped him do cold turkey couldn't have been passed to me, so it has to be something mental. I just know I'm done with drinking now. I tried moderating too many times and I don't know why I'd think things would be different by trying again, so I have no intention of ever trying again. I miss my father and wish I could share my car dealership story with him. He used to tell me to always get the floor mats and a full tank of gas. He was a good negotiator and I never heard him swear. I'm trying to follow in those footsteps. I may have yelled bullshi* at the manager though, but I think it was just once lol. What can I say, I have an Irish temper sometimes.
Thank you everyone for hanging out with me. I hope you don't mind my journaling, I have heard it's healthy. It helps me read other peoples stories so I hope it goes both ways and it's therapeutic for the author and reader. Have a happy and sober day!
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Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 64
Day 5! Here we come
It's day 5! Not only is it day 5, but it's day 5 at a decent morning hour. Not 2am, but 8am. I slept last night, and it was awesome.
I wanted to post to my journal lastnight about this podcast I listened to before going to bed, but instead of pulling out the computer I watched an episode of Homicide Hunter with my daughter in bed. My husband was working, and we needed some girl time. What better way to do it then over some murder shows.
The podcast is recoveryhappyhour and the last episode posted is about dry January. Wow... what amazing timing for this to come out. The person she interviewed was beyond amazing. I wish I had the ability to speak so articulate. I was blown away, and I'm posting this to anyone who needs some motivation about quitting no matter why you're doing it. I'm also posting it here to remind my future self that when I go back to re-read this thread, if I need a reason to keep going, this is a great example of why I quit. If you decide to check it out, it may sound more focused for woman because of the person she's interviewing, but there are great nuggets of wisdom throughout that entire interview. I might listen to it again today, I thought it was that good.
I didn't have any big trauma in my life. I'm just a glutton. It's true, I loved to drink and I like to eat. I do have depression, and I did have some lows in my life. I got beat up pretty bad by an ex and ended up in the hospital. That's not the reason I drink, I can't blame him. Many other women have gone through domestic violence and probably didn't turn to the bottle. Maybe I can blame him for helping me start, he was the one old enough to buy alcohol at the time. But I was the one who chose to put it down my mouth, for the next 20+ years. I dated a lot of frogs after that, but I finally met my prince. 18 years we've been together, and 17 years of marriage. I was lucky to find my prince, but even happy fairy tales have drunk princesses in them I guess.
I have my coffee brewing in my new mini kureg my husband got me for christmas. I love it! I'm the only one in the house that drinks coffee so I used to make my coffee with instant coffee every morning. Now I pop in a pod and bam, it's good coffee. The only complaint I have is the pack of pods he bought me also has hot chocolate ones. My kids have used up every mug in the house drinking hot chocolate lol.
Today I meet an old school friend for lunch. I'm excited, I haven't seen her in 13 years. No good excuse, just that people drift apart and get busy. You know, busy drinking on their couch. Who has time to go out with other people? I saw her on facebook and re reconnected. Back to the reason why I drink, it made me feel less socially awkward. I don't talk well in front of people and I've always been very shy. Drinking made me a party girl, not afraid of being in front of anyone. That will be my biggest adjustment as I continue on in my new sober self. I'm still going to have to be in front of new people, travel for my work, and somehow not come off as a bumbling idiot. Time will tell how well I do, or if I'm just doomed to keep making a fool out of myself.
Have a great sober morning!
I wanted to post to my journal lastnight about this podcast I listened to before going to bed, but instead of pulling out the computer I watched an episode of Homicide Hunter with my daughter in bed. My husband was working, and we needed some girl time. What better way to do it then over some murder shows.
The podcast is recoveryhappyhour and the last episode posted is about dry January. Wow... what amazing timing for this to come out. The person she interviewed was beyond amazing. I wish I had the ability to speak so articulate. I was blown away, and I'm posting this to anyone who needs some motivation about quitting no matter why you're doing it. I'm also posting it here to remind my future self that when I go back to re-read this thread, if I need a reason to keep going, this is a great example of why I quit. If you decide to check it out, it may sound more focused for woman because of the person she's interviewing, but there are great nuggets of wisdom throughout that entire interview. I might listen to it again today, I thought it was that good.
I didn't have any big trauma in my life. I'm just a glutton. It's true, I loved to drink and I like to eat. I do have depression, and I did have some lows in my life. I got beat up pretty bad by an ex and ended up in the hospital. That's not the reason I drink, I can't blame him. Many other women have gone through domestic violence and probably didn't turn to the bottle. Maybe I can blame him for helping me start, he was the one old enough to buy alcohol at the time. But I was the one who chose to put it down my mouth, for the next 20+ years. I dated a lot of frogs after that, but I finally met my prince. 18 years we've been together, and 17 years of marriage. I was lucky to find my prince, but even happy fairy tales have drunk princesses in them I guess.
I have my coffee brewing in my new mini kureg my husband got me for christmas. I love it! I'm the only one in the house that drinks coffee so I used to make my coffee with instant coffee every morning. Now I pop in a pod and bam, it's good coffee. The only complaint I have is the pack of pods he bought me also has hot chocolate ones. My kids have used up every mug in the house drinking hot chocolate lol.
Today I meet an old school friend for lunch. I'm excited, I haven't seen her in 13 years. No good excuse, just that people drift apart and get busy. You know, busy drinking on their couch. Who has time to go out with other people? I saw her on facebook and re reconnected. Back to the reason why I drink, it made me feel less socially awkward. I don't talk well in front of people and I've always been very shy. Drinking made me a party girl, not afraid of being in front of anyone. That will be my biggest adjustment as I continue on in my new sober self. I'm still going to have to be in front of new people, travel for my work, and somehow not come off as a bumbling idiot. Time will tell how well I do, or if I'm just doomed to keep making a fool out of myself.
Have a great sober morning!
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Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 64
Day 6
Day 6 - Still alive.
Day 1 and 4 were the worst so far. I might not be over the hump yet, I was sweating this morning. I noticed our bedroom window was half open, so my husband is starting to hit the night sweats now too. He's 2 days behind me in his dry January attempt. These are the days where you're washing sheets every day. It's sucks.
Day 5 of yoga yesterday was hard too. I was sweating and shaking. I didn't die, and then the last 10 minutes were very relaxing. It's worth it. These daily videos are only 23-25 minutes long, there is no way I could survive if they were any longer.
I met my friend for lunch yesterday, after not seeing each other for 13 years. She's a smoker now, which was quick to tell as soon as I hugged her. I didn't say anything, and she didn't say anything about my obvious weight gain. As soon as we walked in the restaurant she goes, Hey do you remember when we always got the big pitchers of sangria. Um.. crap. I really do and I was thinking I was going to have to bring up my drinking problem in the first 5 minutes. She ordered a coke though, and me an ice tea.
Turns out she had a drinking problem and pill problem. Got a DUI. When she was telling me this, I was thinking oh she must not drink anymore too. She does, but just beer and only once in awhile. Her new pot habit, ironically she got a medical card because of her DUI injury is what made her alcoholism under control. This is not a method I will be trying.
I don't judge her on the DUI. I should have had one too back in 2012. I hit a parked car, and I got out to see the damage. It was in a very low end neighborhood and everyones car looked banged up. I didn't think I did any damage, but a neighbor got my plates and reported me. I was charged with a hit and run, which I went to court for and represented myself. Mistake, as they threw the book at me. Community service, huge fines, traffic school, and of course a record. I was drunk. I was driving because I was the most sober one after my family left a bbq. I had my kids in the car. This should have been one of my bottoms, but I bounced along with other shameful moments that have since happened - because of alcohol. No more.
Have a healthy and sober day everyone.
Day 1 and 4 were the worst so far. I might not be over the hump yet, I was sweating this morning. I noticed our bedroom window was half open, so my husband is starting to hit the night sweats now too. He's 2 days behind me in his dry January attempt. These are the days where you're washing sheets every day. It's sucks.
Day 5 of yoga yesterday was hard too. I was sweating and shaking. I didn't die, and then the last 10 minutes were very relaxing. It's worth it. These daily videos are only 23-25 minutes long, there is no way I could survive if they were any longer.
I met my friend for lunch yesterday, after not seeing each other for 13 years. She's a smoker now, which was quick to tell as soon as I hugged her. I didn't say anything, and she didn't say anything about my obvious weight gain. As soon as we walked in the restaurant she goes, Hey do you remember when we always got the big pitchers of sangria. Um.. crap. I really do and I was thinking I was going to have to bring up my drinking problem in the first 5 minutes. She ordered a coke though, and me an ice tea.
Turns out she had a drinking problem and pill problem. Got a DUI. When she was telling me this, I was thinking oh she must not drink anymore too. She does, but just beer and only once in awhile. Her new pot habit, ironically she got a medical card because of her DUI injury is what made her alcoholism under control. This is not a method I will be trying.
I don't judge her on the DUI. I should have had one too back in 2012. I hit a parked car, and I got out to see the damage. It was in a very low end neighborhood and everyones car looked banged up. I didn't think I did any damage, but a neighbor got my plates and reported me. I was charged with a hit and run, which I went to court for and represented myself. Mistake, as they threw the book at me. Community service, huge fines, traffic school, and of course a record. I was drunk. I was driving because I was the most sober one after my family left a bbq. I had my kids in the car. This should have been one of my bottoms, but I bounced along with other shameful moments that have since happened - because of alcohol. No more.
Have a healthy and sober day everyone.
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Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 64
Still Day 6
Day 6 is turning out to be a hard one. I did the yoga, felt good. Today is garbage and recycle pick-up day. All the empty wine bottles have been hauled away. Went to the grocery store earlier and now all the empty beer cans and soda bottles are gone too. Whew.
Before going to the grocery store, we were getting all the garbage bags together. My husband had cleaned out the family room / kids toy area before christmas to make room for my son's new computer gaming area. The garbage bag had been sitting down there, and today he brought it up. As he was bringing it up the stairs, there was a little hamster squeaking sound. Those toy hamsters (I can't remember what they were called) were in there. The batteries on one was still good. It sounded so sad and I asked why he didn't put it in the donation bag instead. He said it was just full of lint hair and thought better to toss it. As it was squeaking away, I just got sadder. Thinking of that little hamster in there saying goodbye. Goodbye to my kids childhood. They're teenagers now and playing with toy hamsters are days long gone. I just started bawling right there in the kitchen. Which thinking about even now makes me tear up. AHHHHhhhhhh feelings. Make them go away.
I know everyone's recovery in the first week is different. I seem to be on an emotional rollercoaster. I'm having episodes where all of a sudden I have a very sharp memory of something that happened in the past. Things I haven't thought about in years. Some things I'd rather never remember at all. Other times of the day I feel like a stroke victim and can't even talk or think straight.
It'll get better. Just have to keep moving forward.
Before going to the grocery store, we were getting all the garbage bags together. My husband had cleaned out the family room / kids toy area before christmas to make room for my son's new computer gaming area. The garbage bag had been sitting down there, and today he brought it up. As he was bringing it up the stairs, there was a little hamster squeaking sound. Those toy hamsters (I can't remember what they were called) were in there. The batteries on one was still good. It sounded so sad and I asked why he didn't put it in the donation bag instead. He said it was just full of lint hair and thought better to toss it. As it was squeaking away, I just got sadder. Thinking of that little hamster in there saying goodbye. Goodbye to my kids childhood. They're teenagers now and playing with toy hamsters are days long gone. I just started bawling right there in the kitchen. Which thinking about even now makes me tear up. AHHHHhhhhhh feelings. Make them go away.
I know everyone's recovery in the first week is different. I seem to be on an emotional rollercoaster. I'm having episodes where all of a sudden I have a very sharp memory of something that happened in the past. Things I haven't thought about in years. Some things I'd rather never remember at all. Other times of the day I feel like a stroke victim and can't even talk or think straight.
It'll get better. Just have to keep moving forward.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,187
Hi GingerSnow. Congratulations on 6 days.
Your post caught my eye because I quit on New Year's Eve, Eve too - 30th Dec 2014.
A lot of us alcoholics (most I would estimate) have trouble with sleeping in early recovery. It requires effort but if you can get up say an hour earlier and do a bit of exercise that should at least help and hopefully fix the problem. It worked for me anyway.
Good luck!
Your post caught my eye because I quit on New Year's Eve, Eve too - 30th Dec 2014.
A lot of us alcoholics (most I would estimate) have trouble with sleeping in early recovery. It requires effort but if you can get up say an hour earlier and do a bit of exercise that should at least help and hopefully fix the problem. It worked for me anyway.
Good luck!
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Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 64
Thank you Saoutchik, I got a full 8 hours last night. I still feel like I wake up with a hangover until I'm fully up. Maybe this is a mental thing, like I've come to just expect a hangover every morning, so I feel it?
Well Day 7. Here we come. I think I made it through the initial detox, I won't say it was easy. The sweating, the digestive re-adjustments..I hope that's all over.
My 13 year old daughter wanted to hang with me lastnight, which is rare. She's usually in her room texting and doing other things with her friends over cyber land. I should have knew something was up. After about a half hour, she tells me she wants to get a nose ring. (Oh man) My initial internal reaction was oh hell to the no. It still is. My outside reaction was just to stare at her and ask her calmly why? Then I tried to explain how she already gets nosebleeds really easy, they get infected easy, blah blah. But this girl did her homework, she's researched all this along with how to properly take care of it. Other girls at school her age in 8th grade have these. Am I being too strict or do I "let her express herself" as she keeps telling me? This is the argument my husband gives me when my son wants to grow his hair long. I have been a strong no there too, but he keeps telling me I should let him express himself. It hasn't happened yet. These are times where I wish I had more parent friends from their school so I could bounce this off other moms. I'm still leaning towards a firm no. Maybe when she's 16 we can talk about this again. 13 back in my day was still young, these kids now are very different from the innocent 13 year olds I was and my friends were. My husband didn't get home from work until after midnight. He's still sleeping but I'm going to see what he says about this. When it comes to his little girl, he might be a firm no too, even though he's a big fan of expressing yourself. This could go either way for his reaction. I don't think I'm going to budge on mine...and it takes 2 to get the final vote
Alright, on to coffee - then yoga. Oh, and another new type of Day 1 for me with weight loss. I'm trying the nutrisystem, they had them on sale at the grocery store I went to yesterday.
Have a great sober day
Well Day 7. Here we come. I think I made it through the initial detox, I won't say it was easy. The sweating, the digestive re-adjustments..I hope that's all over.
My 13 year old daughter wanted to hang with me lastnight, which is rare. She's usually in her room texting and doing other things with her friends over cyber land. I should have knew something was up. After about a half hour, she tells me she wants to get a nose ring. (Oh man) My initial internal reaction was oh hell to the no. It still is. My outside reaction was just to stare at her and ask her calmly why? Then I tried to explain how she already gets nosebleeds really easy, they get infected easy, blah blah. But this girl did her homework, she's researched all this along with how to properly take care of it. Other girls at school her age in 8th grade have these. Am I being too strict or do I "let her express herself" as she keeps telling me? This is the argument my husband gives me when my son wants to grow his hair long. I have been a strong no there too, but he keeps telling me I should let him express himself. It hasn't happened yet. These are times where I wish I had more parent friends from their school so I could bounce this off other moms. I'm still leaning towards a firm no. Maybe when she's 16 we can talk about this again. 13 back in my day was still young, these kids now are very different from the innocent 13 year olds I was and my friends were. My husband didn't get home from work until after midnight. He's still sleeping but I'm going to see what he says about this. When it comes to his little girl, he might be a firm no too, even though he's a big fan of expressing yourself. This could go either way for his reaction. I don't think I'm going to budge on mine...and it takes 2 to get the final vote
Alright, on to coffee - then yoga. Oh, and another new type of Day 1 for me with weight loss. I'm trying the nutrisystem, they had them on sale at the grocery store I went to yesterday.
Have a great sober day
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 690
Ginger....thank you SO much for sharing your story. I can relate to it so much! You really have a way with articulating your story. You are a great writer. I quite on the 30th of December. I have always had a hard time sleeping so I am hoping this may improve. I feel so much better when I get a good nights sleep. I just downloaded the Insight Time and will try that. Again thank your for sharing your journey- I am reading every word of it. It really helps!
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 127
Ginger - Your amazingly thoughtful and detailed posts just prompted this long-time lurker to finally post. I'll share my story in an intro post later when I'm on my laptop. But I'm embarking on what's probably my fifth "dry" period in the course of one year. I will probably stay the course until hubby and I go on our annual late-winter Caribbean vacation. Challenge is that everything always falls off the rails once we get to the airport. I would love to convince him to make our post-NYD sobriety permanent...but at the same time - much like your relationship with your hubby - he and I are great drinking buddies.
This isn't constructive commentary...sorry!
But in closing, I'd like to say a) I am so impressed at how you've created a real plan to be the best version of yourself. And b) I hate nose rings, too, and couldn't resist wrinkling my nose when my 18-year-old stepdaughter got one. Lo and behold, though, when we last saw each other, hers was gone. When I asked her about it, she said she had to remove it for a play she'd been rehearsing for all semester. The hole closed up, at which point she confessed that in retrospect she thought nose rings look "silly."
This isn't constructive commentary...sorry!
But in closing, I'd like to say a) I am so impressed at how you've created a real plan to be the best version of yourself. And b) I hate nose rings, too, and couldn't resist wrinkling my nose when my 18-year-old stepdaughter got one. Lo and behold, though, when we last saw each other, hers was gone. When I asked her about it, she said she had to remove it for a play she'd been rehearsing for all semester. The hole closed up, at which point she confessed that in retrospect she thought nose rings look "silly."
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,618
Hey Ginger, congratulations on your sober days!
You know the nose ring, one thing I have noticed is that sometimes when people are doing their "research" they can sometimes only look for what they want to see.
For instance if I search for "proper care of nose rings" I would probably find info that would give me good information and I could feel confident about it.
When the nose ring goes wrong - that's when they search, why is my nose ring infected, how long will it take my nose to heal, will I always have this hole in my nose lol
Just a thought that perhaps you could steer her to some of that information?
I wish you tons of success in your great endeavours!
You know the nose ring, one thing I have noticed is that sometimes when people are doing their "research" they can sometimes only look for what they want to see.
For instance if I search for "proper care of nose rings" I would probably find info that would give me good information and I could feel confident about it.
When the nose ring goes wrong - that's when they search, why is my nose ring infected, how long will it take my nose to heal, will I always have this hole in my nose lol
Just a thought that perhaps you could steer her to some of that information?
I wish you tons of success in your great endeavours!
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