Lonewolf22

I truly don't know what to do. I really don't! I have to be honest.
If I go to GP, I will get a few leaflets of services miles from where I live, of which I can't afford to travel to.

My house is a mess, still no carpets installed. Cans and bottles, boxes, and items scattered everywhere.

If I pick up a drink, I run out of little money I have very quickly and need food, dog food and no idea what bills are due in or what date.

If I don't drink, I have to sit here panicking, feel gutted for the dog because I haven't the courage to take him for walks.

I want to shake myself and say pull yourself together, and deal with it but I feel too weak.

I had 4 cans last night and it helped with withdrawal for little while but eventually same symptoms flooded back in. Glad I only had 4 though.

What to do, what to do!

Dee74

I was in the hard place too - I didn't want to drink anymore - I wanted change - but I was terrified about what might happen to me if I stopped drinking.

I was depressed anxious and scared of going outside. I could not sleep, I heard voices, I was sick with fear.

That way of life is untenable.
The bottom line is you have to choose a course of action.

I think if you want change you have to quit drinking and be prepared to ride things out .

If you find the anxiety, or the fear of withdrawal, debilitating I don't really see you have much choice but to see a Dr.

There's no easy way to get through this period but it's not some endless ordeal.

If you made tomorrow day one you'd be in a far better place by next week.

As for the dog - honestly - one alcoholic to another - if you can go out for beer you can walk the dog.

c'mon man - be the guy your dog thinks you are

D

Wastinglife

Sounds like we are both in the same boat. I have been withdrawing for a week now. Last drink was new years eve around 10pm. I don't need to taper with a few beers anymore, just ride out the storm. I feel like I am in solitary confinement. Eating ramen noodles and drinking water for days because that is all I have.

We just have suffer through this Lonewolf. A few more days we should feel well enough to venture out into the real world again. I have been binge-watching The Wire, 24 episodes so far so that has distracted my anxious/paranoid thoughts.

Lonewolf22

Cheers Dee, not what I want to hear right now lol but you are right. I have to go one way or another.

Dee74

I added a bit above to make it clear I'm not just talking out my behind...Its tough - but you can do it man. You're not alone

D

Lonewolf22

Well done wastinglife, you are doing well
Are you unemployed too?
Just the going outside isn't? Crazy. When I went to get something to eat and a few cans last night, I was wanting to check to make sure I had some money left in my bank. The cash point was literally outside the shop and I walked passed it in a panic, thinking forget it I'll do it tomorrow! Lol blimin mad!

What you struggling with? The going outside too?

And what are ramen noodles? Might see if I can get some in my local

Lonewolf22

Yeah Dee, very true. I think I'm just going through the emotions, freaking out one minute and next minute feeling, well that I can do this!

I better get dressed to go to doctors, I suppose she might be able to give my lover a check up or something.

Just wish I had my phone to ring them, save me going twice.

Lonewolf22

By the way Dee do you think it is a good idea me posting a note through neighbours door just in case I have upset him ? I'm just thinking I'm a bit rocky at the moment and not wholly sure whether I will stay sober. So if I apologise just doesn't give me leg to stand on if I do it again.

MythOfSisyphus

Hang in there, fellas. It can be done, you can do it.

Wastinglife

I have lost several jobs over the last few years due to my alcoholism. I have difficulty finding jobs in the first place because of the red flags I raise in a background check. I can't work until I sober up for good. AA seems to be my only hope. Daily meetings have worked in the past. I need a new sponsor. Old one moved away.

Lonewolf22

Just realised I put lover a check up rather than liver a check up, :/ sounded like some crude euphemism!!

Lonewolf22

Yeah wasting life,sounds like we're pretty much in similar position. Wishing you the best

Lonewolf22

Thanks Myth of Sisyphus having a lot of feck! What have I done moments! Feck! FECK!

Dee74

To be honest LW - I'd leave it for now for a few reasons.

You don't need any more stress or shame or guilt right now.

Secondly, I find speaking to someone face to face is always better than a note.

Thirdly, it may not even be necessary - you'll get a better grasp of your current relationship face to face anyway - and there's no hurry for that.

Fourthly - Amends are best made when there's no chance of whatever the behaviour is happening again.

I don't mean to suggest I think you'll drink again - you definitely absolutely can stay sober LW- but any kind of communication with your neighbour will undoubtedly mean more if you have a little sober time behind you?

I get it - we all want things to be OK again when we quit drinking and most of us want that ASAP... but sometimes I think it's better to wait, if you can.

Of course, in the end it's your decision but I hope I helped in some small way

D

Lonewolf22

I'm just freaking the hell out man. Keep hearing voice come from next door side. I mean I can hear when he coughs. I'm thinking there is some conspiracy against me. That the neighbourhood are talking about me and he has the police next door or something. Feel like I'm going nuts!

Lonewolf22

Just thinking what if I've hurt him or something, he's an old man.

Lonewolf22

Sorry I shouldn't share too much of this, not nice on people.

Lonewolf22

It's too intense and doesn't give off good vibes, so sorry about that!

Wastinglife

I have had auditory hallucinations before myself. It's the alcohol withdrawal. Your nervous system is very excitable right now. Just stay indoors for a while until it passes.

Dee74

I heard voices outside my window - real voices using my name - and I was 20 feet in the air, LW.

It made it a little better for me to accept that this was withdrawal and that that things would get better.

Did you mention it to the Dr at all?

D