rayna87

I hate NYE. I hate the pressure to have this spectacular, perfect night. That’s probably why 4 years ago I felt the need to drive 2 hours away to my hometown, and hang it with my hometown friends. And instead of refusing to stay with one of them, I felt the need to try to drive back home another 2 hours. I didn’t make it more than 10 minutes on that 2 hour drive home before I hit another car nearly head on while making a left turn that I took way too wide. And landed myself in jail and into the worst year of my life. The most important part of this story is that everyone involved is okay.

I wish I could say that stopped me cold turkey from drinking. I got maybe a week out of it. In my defense, I DID stop cold turkey drinking and driving. I don’t care how much that Uber costs...it is worth it.

There’s only been one NYE I’ve gone out since then. Ironically it was the very next year. I paid every last cent it cost us to get home in those surge pricing Ubers. Now, nothing matters to me more than just being home with my cat and my college football on TV, knowing I’ll be going to bed super comfy tonight and not on an ice cold metal slab in a holding cell

I also won’t lie. I know this won’t go over well, but I’m drinking wine tonight. I do have a plan. I go back to work on Wednesday, and with that, I am going to taper off through the weekend and start my first full work week fresh.

Again, I know that is not exactly what this site wants to hear, but to me, I’m doing what I need to do and I’m miles away from 4 years ago.

Thank you and happy new year.

Ghostlight1

Hey drink yourself silly. I don't care. I'm not going to.
It's New Years Eve. Why quit tonight? I'll do it later in the week when I have more time on my hands.

If I could tell you the ministrations I went though to not have that last drink, well, it baffles me.

So if you can drink like a gentle man, have some wine. Have a few. Wednesday will be here soon enough.
Best to you and happy new year.

rayna87

Not trying to drink myself silly...I just know that it’s not medically safe for me to up and quit cold turkey on NYE after several past months....and several past days off work for the holiday...of heavy drinking. My plan is something I can handle and something I also feel is safe for me.

Best to you as well!!

Dee74

well, I'm not going to tell you to drink tonight or keep on drinking...I think we can do better than that...

but a recovery plan that includes a last hurrah is simply not a very good one IMO.

but I hope you decide to stop, pour out whats left, and log in here tomorrow Rayna, If cold turkey really worries you - hit the ER.

suki44883

That kind of thinking will put you back exactly where you were 4 years ago. Every single relapse starts with that kind thinking and then one drink. You have been through this enough times to know that.

You need a better plan.

wildflower70

I never wanted to quit on NYE either, as you said, the pressure is on to have a spectacular night!

I also never wanted to quit cold turkey, another day was always a better choice. The AV is working overtime.

There are so many things that could happen by waiting and having a few more dances with the beast.

The only way to start having the life you are dreaming of is to stop playing with fire, why not now?

Now that would be spectacular!

Bethany57

ryan....I appreciate your honesty ...thank you for sharing this story...you never will know how this helps others....may save a life.

Anna

I'm sorry that you have decided to drink. If you are concerned about withdrawals, you should talk to your doctor and see if he thinks it's okay to quit cold turkey.

biminiblue

I guess if you want to do harm reduction, not drink-driving is step one...so at least the rest of the world is a safer place.

Cold turkey with a little medical help isn't difficult nor expensive. Drinking is never the solution.

FreeOwl

Hi.

I had some stories like yours.

Eventually, I got tired of making and trying to manage the kind of plans that centered on trying to limit my drinking. I got tired of not really knowing when one of those plans would backfire. I got tired of consequences and of the continual downward spiral of my relationship with alcohol.

May you find your way to either a balance that enables you to consistently, moderately, responsibly use alcohol in your life - or to a place where you recognize it's far more work and sacrifice than it's ever really worth.

For my part - I can tell you I am deeply grateful I embraced sobriety and the closest thing I have to regrets in life is I wish I'd done it sooner.

Happy New Year!

Numblady

Think it was good of you to be honest. I hope the plan works. Much support to you!

Cosima11

For a while my AV loved to look back and point out some of my worst horrific/hellish experiences and say hey look at least we're not doing that anymore.. But things still got worse, just in new and unprecedented ways.

I never got a DUI and always prided myself on "knowing my limits" when it came to driving. When I realized I could no longer trust myself not to drive in a blackout.. and I mean literally no memory of ever even making the decision of whether or not to drive, that's when I quit. The driving stories here always get to me because I know even the worst of the worst scenarios could have easily been me. Hope you decide to stick to your plan, don't let your addiction fool you into thinking a lack of current problems means you're better off now.

August252015

Agree! Getting sober requires honesty - and action.

And, while we are here to support you, none of this is about us, or any one of us saying things like not wanting to disappoint the group....it's up to each one of us, and only us, to get sober.

My start was a different approach - and, indeed, it was cold turkey from an extreme vodka habit, which was the right if terribly hard path to sobriety FOR ME; I was desperately ill and wanted alcohol out of my body immediately, whatever would happen next- and starting AA. I had to do the two basic things everyone here tells everyone else:
Quit, completely
Take action to live sober and get well

I hope you take the leap into sobriety ASAP.

I was all twisted up in my head for a long time and I has taken time to unravel all that my kind of alcoholism has meant then and now.

Getting help and untwisting all that stuff that kept me drinking is how I got the life in recovery I have now.

Wishing you your best possible life this year.

rayna87

That is so true. On New Years Day my proudest feeling was that I woke up in bed and not in jail. I’ve woken up other days proud I didn’t halfway fall down stairs the night before, or say something incredibly stupid to someone barely remembering it. I’m ready to be done with that entirely.

Before my DUI, I thought I was “good” at driving drunk so I figured it would never happen to me. There are too many nights I don’t remember getting home, yet my car was in the driveway in the morning. In some ways I’m glad it happened to me, because if anything DID stop cold turkey it was that nonsense, otherwise I’m pretty sure I would’ve eventually killed someone and/or myself. You’re so right though - I see news stories today of drunk driving accidents, and my first thoughts are always...”Wasn’t me this time....mine was nowhere near that bad...i never killed anyone...I’m fine, no problems here since I’m home on my couch.” I know the holier than thou attitude is totally misplaced.

Thank you again for your insight!

rayna87

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me, and for your support! I am scared of going cold turkey, as much as I’d like to. My uncle had a serious drinking problem, and when he tried to stop cold turkey when his daughter was coming home from college, his withdrawal hallucinations were so bad my aunt literally begged him to drink his vodka. But, the first night of the weekend phase of my tapering has been a success. I bought so much healthy food at the store today, it didn’t even look like my fridge when I got home - that’s the other part of how I’m trying to make a total change.
I feel good thank you again!!

rayna87

Thank you and happy New Year!

rayna87

Thank you thank you for the support!!

JustTony

I'm normally surprised at the whole "cold turkey" debate. I am not downplaying the fact that for some people it can be deadly - but this has to be seen in context - that is very rare.

Going cold turkey is absolutely dreadful from a mental and physical point of view though. No doubts.

But to put it into context (and I know everyone is different) I drank three to four bottles of wine a night. Every single night for months on end. I have tried sobriety many times and always stop with no taper. It is bloody horrible and it leaves you sweating, trembling, anxious and desperate. But deadly is a rarity.

As Dee has said if people are seriously worried about just quitting then go to ER.

I'm sorry but I think a lot of people (I'm not saying the OP) use tapering as an excuse to keep on drinking.

Dee74

Its not as rare as you might think, sadly Tony.

I know of 3 or 4 cases from SR alone I'd credit as a cold turkey death.

There's a reason why our medical rule ends with the tag

Detox can be dangerous and life threatening at times. Please consult with your physician.

My own series of mini strokes in withdrawal could probably have been avoided had I seen a Dr.

As Tony suggests if you're worried about withdrawal, you should consider seeing a Dr.

If they suggest a taper, as they do in some countries, insist on getting some guidelines on how to do it.

Seeing a Dr is safer than cold turkey or trying to self manage your own taper.

Dee
Moderator
SR

bradly22

May you have a grand 2019.