WeThinkNot

I've seen several threads today asking about withdrawal and early sobriety. This presents somewhat of a moral dilemma for me.

When I quit drinking for the third time I stubbornly decided to go cold turkey. Had I known the severity of the withdrawal that was coming I would have never done it that way. My first withdrawal was cakewalk, the second was 100 times worse, and the third was a million times worse than the second.

I'm not going to lie: my earliest days of sobriety were driven by pure terror. There was absolutely no question in my mind that if I had to go through withdrawal again, medical detox would be absolutely necessary to survive. I didn't even get cravings because of how scared I was to drink.

At the same time I knew that my memories of how awful withdrawal was would become more distant with time. The voice in my head would try to trick me..."oh it wasn't that bad". I knew that having a blasé attitude towards recovery was not going to work anymore. I needed to learn sobriety and I needed to learn quick. Now my recovery plan keeps me sober and I don't need to rely on fear anymore.

Therein lies the dilemma for me. In good conscience I cannot recommend for somebody to quit cold turkey or to hit absolute rock bottom. But if I hadn't gone through hell myself I can't be 100% certain sobriety would have stuck this time around.

Can anybody else relate?

AtomicBlue

I’ve always thought telling someone they probably need to do some more “research” isn’t something to be taken lightly. Because, people die. I haven’t really been in that situation though. As far as cold turkey yah that’s a good one. I see it’s commonly recommended on here to talk to a doctor first (again death).

Also, many people quit successfully (including me) before hitting a super low bottom or needing to go through serious withdrawals.

Dee74

The good news is no one should be recommending any course of treatment here , including cold turkey, cos it's against the rules

As to the substance of your question - I scared myself straight too - I had a series of mini strokes in my last detox and will carry the ramifications of that for the rest of my life.

But I found myself and have seen in others - fear never lasts...people with cirrhosis drink again - people with DUIs get back behind the wheel.

Fear alone is not always a long term recovery strategy.

Even I began to think that maybe I'd overreacted after a few months. The denial of the addictive condition is relentless.

But I'd learned enough to know intellectually that I didn't have another relapse in me and thankfully I built a recover plan based around support and making changes and I stuck around SR...and slowly, in time, my 'right mind' was returned to me - a little battered maybe but sound enough.

It's that return to sanity and the recovery plan behind it everyone needs - and I don't believe you have to nearly die to get that.

I just do things the hard way...

D

WeThinkNot

I've been thinking about these responses and come to a realization. On some level I guess I feel like I've cheated my way into recovery. Although my plan keeps me sober now I don't think I would have arrived without using fear as a bridge to get there first.

By admitting that part of me feels like I'm doing a disservice to those that are still suffering.

Dee74

I don''t think you can cheat your way into real recovery

However you get there, its a lot of hard work commitment and persistence- for some of us the early part is the work heavy bit, for others that comes later.

Try not to over think it is my advice - you're sober and doing well - that's the only 'mark' that matters - going to bed after another sober day will always be the main thing

D

nigey1

Dee is right fear doesn't last as a motivator. It takes a fundamental change in perspective.

I too was guilty of overthinking and I have simplified it a lot I can see the value in just staying sober a day and reaping benefits

August252015

Just my own $0.02....I was a little surprised when you explained that the moral dilemma was about recommending cold turkey. I've never viewed my choice to do that as anything to do with morals (nor being deserving of recovery, for sure) and while I've been reprimanded at worst by some who are appalled that I did go cold turkey and share my experience openly, I can only say from my experience that it was absolutely worth it. I'm grateful I did it that way - I was DONE with drinking and wanted it out of my body - I think of my choice to go from a very severe vodka habit to zero as choosing an "uncertain future over a certain death by drinking," which the dr I finally heard told me would be the case in a year, 18 mo.

People get sober different ways, and anyone who does is about the strongest kind of person I know. I wasn't terrified of what would happen to me - I desperately wanted to live.

Would I do it differently? No. The terrible withdrawals- extended PAWS - being an example of someone who indeed took a year, close to two to truly regulate in about as many ways as a now healthy 42 year old can, after abusing myself to the point of near death for roughly a decade....all pretty short compared to the damage done.

I never chose an ER or an urgent clinic as many do and that's always the safest choice- I did, however, have a GP and liver dr and psych I saw often during the first 90 days to monitor all of my dangerously high test levels. Now see that psych every 3-4 mo, largely for med maintenance of those I take for personal emotional stability (particularly my anxiety disorder and sleep struggles) and my GP twice a year to check on my thyroid.

Letting myself off the hook for the hows and methods of getting and staying sober - example, I know it can be isolating and escapism but I often employ the "send myself to bed early" technique- even if it means 3pm til the next day. I reign that back in after a couple days and face what's up, but I don't consider it a "cheat" of a sober day.

I'd add the "to any lengths, at any costs" axiom of AA here.

DriGuy

It's different for everyone. Cold turkey works fine for some. That will be the decision of others to make. I wouldn't recommend one way over another to anyone on that issue.

I can relate to the fear you are experiencing in early sobriety. Like you, I used that as a motivator to not drink. You are right in guessing the fear will subside, and you will lose that as a motivator. You will no longer be emotionally driven to stay sober. Here's where you will have to make a mental shift that will be new and odd in a way that feels like, "Can this be right?"

Most people let emotions guide them through life, and it works, although not in ways that lead to guaranteed desirable outcomes. You need to let go of emotions. In the case of losing fear, you won't have a choice about letting it go. It's going to leave as you start to feel normal, and I believe this is a dangerous place to be without having a plan in place to guide you through this phase of sobriety.

You will now have to rely on a purely intellectual approach. First, accept that you are an alcoholic. You need to do this because AV will tell you you're healthy and normal in comfortable sobriety and ready to hit the bottle without consequence. You know this is a lie. Your AV is you lying to yourself. You need to fully accept that this is a lie.

Second, without fear you will have to depend on pure choice that is no longer tainted with fear. This means you will have to rely on reason, not emotion. The good news is that without fear, you now actually have a choice. The bad news is that while you finally have a choice, there is only one choice you can make when you think about drink. You have to keep making the same choice over and over forever; Don't drink! Some choice, right? Is that really a choice when there is only one option? You bet it's a choice, and you have to make it whenever the subject of alcohol comes up.

But take heart. Just as your fear goes away, so will those little niggling thoughts about alcohol. One day you will surprise yourself when the realization than you have gone two weeks without even thinking about alcohol pops into your head. You will be not drinking out of habit as your constantly reinforced choice becomes automatic. That's down the road a bit, but it's where you want to be.

EANx

As one of those people expressing concern, I'm glad you chose to start this thread. I fully understand why the policy is not to recommend any course of action other than "maybe you should talk to your doc".

I'm approaching a 20-year quit from tobacco; having tried to quit several times, one day I was just done and it stuck. That's not to say it was easy and I certainly don't remember the details of the withdrawal other than a few generalities and that it was unpleasant.

I think it's important for those who are new quitters to hear from those currently sober about the withdrawal they went through. It's one thing to hear/read about studies and patients, it's another to hear from the person it happened to and how they feel now about what they went through.

Because there was nothing potentially deadly about me quitting smoking, other than possibly snacking myself to death.

biminiblue

I tapered. It's also not a "recommended" way to quit, but I didn't know any better. I didn't know I could have had seizures. I had semi-quit several times before for a week or a month here and there and other than feeling like death for a couple days, I had no lasting consequences in those previous short quits.

By the time I quit this last time five years ago I was into 16-20 units a day of hard alcohol. Some days I'd have four or five and stop, but the 16-20 was more how it was going by the time I'd had enough. I had been daily drinking for a few years. I had no outward consequence that caused me to stop at that particular time. I just was tired of it.

So my taper was, 12(ish) on the last actual drink day. 2 the first day of the taper. 1 on the second day of the taper. About a half shot of rum on day three of the taper, then I was done. Again, I was lucky and had no serious physical consequences - it could have gone the other way, but I was just ignorant of that. I was treating symptoms that I thought were unmanageable so that's why I did the taper.

I started going to AA meetings on Day Three of full abstinence, and I went to at least one meeting per day for three/four months. If I hadn't done that I wouldn't have realized just how bad off I really was. Sitting at home alone I was able to fool myself that I was functioning just fine. Nothing like a roomful of recovered people who speak eloquently to convince me I was decidedly NOT okay.

I had trouble putting two thoughts together.

I was shaky. I was terrified of my own shadow. People freaked me out. I was angry, I was sad to the point of disability and I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't talk - well, I could. It just made little sense. My withdrawal process played out in meetings. I'm glad it did, it convinced me I was jacked up.

The whole next year I spent getting well - emotionally, spiritually and physically.

I won't forget that. Ever. It isn't fear, it's the reality of what I would be going back to. In the end of my drinking there was very little pleasure. Getting well again was so difficult. It's an easy choice.

WeThinkNot

Thanks for the responses everybody, you've given me a lot to digest.

Yesterday I was thinking about my goals for next year and reflecting on my first calendar year of sobriety. I had a tunnel vision focus on my goals because I felt this year was the year to right my ship. I think I'm guilty of overthinking my own path and need to not be so rigid.

Have a sober and safe New Year everybody.