serenitynowplz

I woke up last night and was suddenly remembering all of the horrible things I did while drunk. It was so vivid and I wanted to throw up thinking about how stupid I have been, how I could have killed myself or others, how much I’ve hurt people I hold dearest, and how fortunate I am to be sober today.

I haven’t had cravings or desire to drink in the last few weeks except a few here and there. I’m a little over fifty days now. I think the memories may have been the “good” side of me, the unbroken part of my soul that I know is still in there, reminding me that the evil does still lurk inside me and that I have a choice to live in the light or risk even deeper, darker hell.

Apologies for the drama but that’s what the dream was like. It was reminding me how horrid I really was. And that I can never risk going back, no matter what.

least

It takes time to be able to forgive ourselves for our transgressions.

If you don't already do this, start practicing gratitude each day. It puts the focus on the positive and can make you happier. That was the advice given me when I was about three months sober and feeling stuck. Gratitude did me a world of good.