Said not to obligations I committed to....then drank red wine I let the volunteer group I have been treasurer of for awhile know that I would no longer be able to serve in the new year. This was a step for me and for my needs but i feel SO guilty....why? I said yes to my husband playing hockey 9pm to 10:30pm on Thursday night this past week, but why did I lay in bed weeping thinking he was attracted to one of the multiple women that play on that team? Why do I feel so insecure in a 21 year marriage? Why is my self esteem so ******* low? What do I do to fix all of these problems that plaque me through out my life?? Feeling lost, unloved and unimportant in my life tonight....like I'm not enough for any one or any thing. :c020: |
:grouphug: If you're drinking, that will make you feel depressed. Alcohol is a depressant. When I was drinking, I had low self esteem and hated myself. :( But after a few months sober, and practicing gratitude, my feelings are mostly positive now. I no longer wake up hating myself. I hope you'll get rid of the wine and not get anymore. Don't feel guilty for not wanting the responsibility. You don't have to volunteer your time. That's why it's called volunteering. |
I'm sorry you drank, but I'm glad you're back Otterisland :) My self esteem didn't come back until I was sober for quite a while. I think it was a natural process of facing life, dealing with problems sober and getting through them without drinking. That made me see how competent and capable I was. Before that, I needed people to love me. External validation was the only validation I had. That meant agreeing, no matter what, to things I didn't want to do, or want them to do, and it led directly to simmering inner resentment and eventually drinking again. Sober I learned to love myself again, and I learned it was OK to disagree with people and ask for what I wanted - amazingly, people still loved me :) Its a process - but it's a process that can only happen when we stay sober, I think? D |
:grouphug: |
Originally Posted by Dee74
(Post 7087161)
I'm sorry you drank, but I'm glad you're back Otterisland :) My self esteem didn't come back until I was sober for quite a while. I think it was a natural process of facing life, dealing with problems sober and getting through them without drinking. That made me see how competent and capable I was. Before that, I needed people to love me. External validation was the only validation I had. That meant agreeing, no matter what, to things I didn't want to do, or want them to do, and it led directly to simmering inner resentment and eventually drinking again. Sober I learned to love myself again, and I learned it was OK to disagree with people and ask for what I wanted - amazingly, people still loved me :) Its a process - but it's a process that can only happen when we stay sober, I think? D |
But it feels like nothing got better....it only got worse 😢 |
Glad to hear that you took a positive step on the volunteer front - assuming you needed the break. I'm sure you can help contribute in other ways if you like. Regarding the jealousy and insecurities, have you ever spoken to a counselor about these things? It's perfectly OK to do so if you need help dealing with some of those emotions. Alcohol of course is the worst possible thing you can do in these types of situations as it makes the depression worse, I hope you can get rid of what you have. |
Wow....just wow. Have I ever spoken to a counselor?? Of course I have, ever since 2010!! And of course alcohol is the worst thing for me and I should get rid of it....but nothing shall take its place. Nothing can dull the feelings more or better.... I really am in a bad place. 😱. Too bad for me. |
Originally Posted by OtterIsland
(Post 7087190)
But it feels like nothing got better....it only got worse �� I had to have faith so that even when it felt like things would never change, I still stayed on the right road. Things do get better - noine would stay sober if they didn't. They may not get better immediately tho - it take more than a few weeks... I think things began to turn for me at 90 -120 days sober. Drinking made me expect immediate gratification., I forgot the value of persistence faith and effort. Try not to let despair overwhelm you. Some things take time to change - but they're worth waiting for :) Nothing can dull the feelings more or better.... Wow....just wow. Have I ever spoken to a counselor?? Of course I have, ever since 2010!! I really think you'll be amazed how much better things could be in 6 months if you commit to not taking a drink, no matter what, and in doing whatever it takes to be happily sober...including maybe finding a new therapist. If things are still crap then, you have my permission to come back and smack me all around the forum :) D |
Originally Posted by OtterIsland
(Post 7087215)
Wow....just wow. Have I ever spoken to a counselor?? Of course I have, ever since 2010!! And of course alcohol is the worst thing for me and I should get rid of it....but nothing shall take its place. Nothing can dull the feelings more or better.... I really am in a bad place. . Too bad for me. I have no knowledge of your past, my question about therapy was one asked in earnest. I have sought help via therapy myself and it was beneficial. |
Do they have Cognitive Behaviour Therapy programs or groups near you? I found a lot of tools and relief with dealing with strong emotions until you get through to the other side, in learning about different grounding techniques, and in different ptsd and other trauma/strong emotion tools. It takes time but it does get better. Good luck to you on your journey |
Thanks for all the support. I guess you have to get beyond day 40 to experience the long term good things sobriety can bring. ScottfromWI, my apologies for my reaction to your question about therapy. It just feels like I’ve been in therapy forever but stuck in the same spot of not knowing who I am and what makes me tick. And with my current counselor getting ready to retire and move I have to find yet a third therapist in almost 9 years. So back to Day 1 where I never wanted to be again, but like many of us I keep falling victim to this disease. Hope my small amount of non-sober time didn’t screw me up too much and I can get right back on track. Thanks again for making me feel like it is worth saving myself ❤️ |
I drank for 20 years - it took a while for me to get well again, but nothing like 20 years - the few months it took was, I think now, a pretty good deal otterisland :) D |
Originally Posted by OtterIsland
(Post 7087215)
Wow....just wow. Have I ever spoken to a counselor?? Of course I have, ever since 2010!! And of course alcohol is the worst thing for me and I should get rid of it....but nothing shall take its place. Nothing can dull the feelings more or better.... I really am in a bad place. ��. Too bad for me. Please stay with us. It might not seem like it now but we do understand. And, said gently because I HATED to hear it, putting myself in the role of victim, or affronted party, or not party to the drama in my life (and realizing what drama meant, even in the smallest ways) were central to my conviction it was hopeless to quit. I had to get past all that. I know how angry and resentful I was at everything though I didn't see it at the time. Hoping you choose to get to this side of life. |
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