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Needing help

Old 12-23-2018, 04:52 AM
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Needing help

Hey there! I am new here but have been coming here to read stories for many years now. Just never joined until this morning. Trying to think of a good way to start this off but so scattered brained at the moment. Anyways, I guess I will start off by saying a little bit about myself.

I am am in my early 30s with young children. I have struggled with alcoholism for 15 plus years or so. Beer has always been my go to and has robbed me of a whole lot. I have struggled with anxiety and depression all long as I can remember. I know drinking only makes it worse but I keep going back to it. I have had a few years sober due to pregnancies (never drank a drop while pregnant) but still my anxiety never went away. If anything it has only got worse just like my alcoholism. This is why I feel I keep going back to it. I do well for a few days or so and I get this feeling deep down in my gut that I have to have beer. I get irritable and my mind is on nothing else but wanting to drink. Trumps everything going on in my life at the moment and then I cave and go buy it. Anxiety attack driving on the way to buy it, knowing it will all go away once I get home and crack that first can. Until the next morning, which I always regret. I am definitely the type of person once alcohol hits my lips, I don’t stop until I am passed out. I am at the point of not driving and agoraphobic. Which is really hard when having kids. I want so bad to be the mom they deserve but I am pretty much non functioning. They are taken care of and thier needs are met, I am just not the fun and happy mom they need. Everyday is just passing me by and I am scared. I am just existing not living. I lost someone very dear to me almost 2 years ago and my whole world was turned upside down. I thought as time went by it would get easier but finding out it’s only getting more painful for me. As I type this I am in tears. I don’t have any friends and my s/o is not very supportive. I need help guys!!

I know not drinking is the the first step. This is why I am here. Day 2 this morning. Can’t sleep, anxiety and just an overwhelming feeling of doom. I have went to a few AA meetings years ago but the thought of going to one now scares the hell out of me. That’s probably anxiety in me.

Not sure what I expect out of this but and advice would be great. How do you cope with life? What helped you? How can I make these feelings go away or at least help make them manageable?
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Old 12-23-2018, 05:13 AM
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I know how you are feeling especially the guilt around the kids. Such a horrendous cycle to be in. I also get overwhelming urge and anxiety. Hugs and don’t do it today
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Old 12-23-2018, 05:15 AM
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Seems anxiety and substance abuse go hand in hand. I have both (87 days sober).
Anxiety can only be dealt with when we have a clear head. So first and foremost is get a couple sober days under your belt.
Most of my anxiety had to do with fear of things out of control. I listed all the things that caused me the most grief and addressed each of them one at a time. Approaching them in small bites gave me a sense of traction and I could move forward addressing the others. As the list got smaller so did my desire to drink (not completely). Some things on the list I have no control over and I had to just accept.

Anxiety and addiction both take action to overcome. Asking for help is essential (you just did). You may need medical assistance for both. Start with a very frank discussion with your Dr.

Choose to get off the hamster wheel. "I drink because of my anxiety, which makes me more anxious, so I drink to deal with my anxiety, which makes me anxious, so I... " You get it.

Being there as a great mom for your kids is a great motivator. I wish you success.
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Old 12-23-2018, 05:21 AM
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you're on the right track.

I can relate to pretty much all of what you said.

In my experience, AA 'wasn't for me' - until it was.....

Until I was ready to look beyond the things that scared me or felt weird and just approach it with an open mind.

AA wasn't the only thing that resulted in my nearly 5 years of sobriety.... but without AA it wouldn't have been successful.

You can do it!
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Old 12-23-2018, 05:34 AM
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I, too, suffered from debilitating anxiety. As put so succinctly above, alcohol and anxiety seem to go hand in hand.
I also drank to quell the anxiety, only to come to the next morning cowering with fear.
It was so bad once, I hid in a closet.
But booze took it away, so I just pretty much styed drunk at the end of my drinking career.

Finally, once I got some sober time, I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication which has given me new life.
I have never drank while taking it. In fact, tomorrow I will have ten years sober. So there is hope.

I recommend seeing a doctor and being brutally honest. For me, it was the only way out. I needed professional help.
Sure, I'm now addicted to the anxiety medication, but I'll take that over the nightmare of a 'life' I was living.

There is hope and there is help. I hope you take action to resolve your issues. It can be done. I'm living proof. I now lead a fully functional life.
I wish the same for you.

And welcome to the forums. You'll find a lot of support here.
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Old 12-23-2018, 06:01 AM
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I suffered a lot of anxiety and depression and had started having panic attacks. Everyone scared me. I felt like everyone judged me. I was sad, mad and afraid.

That was me when I drank.

It took some months, but the anxiety and depression lifted with continuous sober time. I completely understand the vicious cycle of, "I can't cope unless I drink. I don't want to drink. I can't cope."

I'm here to testify that for me the fear and anxiety disappeared. I didn't go on medications, I've done that before and they just caused me another layer of side effects. I did go to AA meetings for the first three months and they were somewhat helpful. I read a lot about recovery. There are many books and websites and podcasts and YouTube videos. I posted here in my Class of March thread every day. I read a lot on this site.


You can find your way out, but you have to not pick up a drink - no matter what. Let your mind and nervous system heal. It's not well right now. Give it time. Months, not days. I didn't feel normal for almost a year, but I did feel able to face the world with confidence after about three months. It is SO worth going through the discomfort.

Stick with us. Keep posting.
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Old 12-23-2018, 06:30 AM
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all of the above

rest eat hydrate

professional support

journal

art

daily support here lots

meetings

GP checkup

support to you
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Old 12-23-2018, 06:43 AM
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Welcome to SR Formyself. I relate very much to you post. I suffer with anxiety too.....it is so much worse when I drink. You may or may not need help once you get sober to sort out the anxiety.

I am only on day 64 but have managed 6 months sober before. I can tell you my anxiety was greatly reduced by 6 months and was not the main reason for relapsing that time. However I have ofter gone back drinking after a month or so because of anxiety......I have learned you need considerable time sober before the anxiety lessens (at least thats my experience).

One of the best things about not drinking is that all that guilt and shame lessens dramatically. To me that is priceless.
Maybe consider joining the December support group....that way you can make this step with others who are in the same boat. It really helps.
Best wishes to you.
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Old 12-23-2018, 07:17 AM
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I have also experienced anxiety and depression life-long, and they were bad enough. I added alcohol to my life and it seemed to make things better for a while, lifting my anxiety and social problems, and while I was younger and healthier I sustained a period of drinking where it seemed to "work". All the while I was just being an alcoholic, and the problems started to arise to terrible levels.

So, you're not alone in being subject to all of those difficulties, not anywhere, and certainly not here on SR.

I agree with all of the comments made here about approaches toward trying to get a handle on your situation, you need some help. Your anxiety may being working against reaching out, but it's the best, perhaps only, way that things can improve for you. I think that you'll feel relieved if you just get started, though things will not be easy street.

I would begin with seeing your doctor, as has been suggested, be absolutely honest in your medical and mental history. It's hard for somebody to give you the best possible aid if they don't know the whole story about what you are going through.
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Old 12-23-2018, 08:12 AM
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Welcome and congrats on 2 days!

I’m going to copy and paste my ‘bump’ on my very first post on SR:

————————
I want to update everyone and Bump this thread .

I can’t believe it I just can’t believe it!

I am over 200 days 😍😳

I don’t think I’ve been straight for this long since I was a teenager and I am 56 years old.

It can be done folks and it’s getting better. My life is not a bed of roses but it sure seems A heckuva lot better than it was.

I don’t miss :

The shame and guilt after promising myself I would moderate or quit and then not doing it. Realizing that if you have to moderate it probably can’t be done, and realizing that those that don’t have to moderate can do so easily.

The money that I spent

Not being fully present at work or in my family

The extra bloat weight that I carried

Sneaking sips

My red nose

My cracked nails

Wondering how much damage I’ve done My liver

Advice to any lurkers or people reading this post that are on the edge of the fence or are just brand new sober....

I can just tell you what worked for me.

First, the idea to change had to come first. That idea was in my head for about five years. It doesn’t do anything by it self.

So that was the second step is realizing I had to take action. I googled YouTube videos on alcoholism and liver damage and how to stop drinking. I looked up the NIH guidelines on units per week that are safe for a woman

I was at about 85/week. I believe the guideline is seven /week.

I read here a lot and I figured out how to use this site. I found out that there are two different versions one that is on the computer which is the easiest to navigate but also the most bulky and is not portable, and another that is on my cell phone. With the help of my friends here and I figured out how to post pictures and how to get the desktop version site that I saw on my computer on my iPhone. Very important to me. I didn’t even know that you could “like” other people’s posts until about a month or two in.

I slipped 18 days in. Before I knew it five days straight of drinking went by. WTF. I thought I could MODERATE😂


What happened? My boyfriend came over with a bottle of wine and offered me some. Some boyfriend, eh? Not that he made me drink, but so early in my sobriety that was not a good idea to have any wine near me since that was my booze of choice. The other thing that I didn’t do what is post here or read here

So I read here and I posted here and I read here and I posted here.

I slept

I cried

I hated myself for my lost years and bad choices

I forgave myself

I made a big plan

I researched AVRT

I faced the fear of the unknown

And I realized that changing this aspect of my life was not only necessary in order for me to live, but that it would also be uncomfortable at first.

The people here are wonderful and I hope that since you’re here on this site that you use this tool among many others that are available to you to get and stay sober .

And what are those you ask?

AA
WATER
ALANON
AVRT
CBT
WATER
SMART RECOVERY
GYM
NATURE
WATER
GOOGLE
MEDITATION
YOUR BED
NUTRITIOUS FOOD
WATER
YOUR DOCTOR
PSYCHIATRIST
COUNSELOR


All the best!!


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Old 12-23-2018, 12:10 PM
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Thank you for all your responses. It’s overwhelming nice to read your stories and realize I am not alone. So thank you all for that and your responses. Has definitely brightened my day. I know it’s going to be a long road to recovery but I am ready. After the holidays I am going to make a doctors appointment and be as honest as I can. I think meds would definitely be good for my mental health. The only question I have is where to start. I don’t have a regular doctor that I visit. I usually go to walk in clinics if sick. Should I go to a walk in clinic? Search for a doctors office? See a psychologist or counselor?

Kind of a funny story but I tried to seek help about three years ago for my anxiety. I had an hour long appointment with this psychologist.. he was a much older gentleman. Not that that part really matters, just trying to paint the picture. So as far as I knew (and I thought he knew) the reason I was there was to try and get help with my anxiety. So he asked me questions about how I felt and what I was going on. I explained. The hour went by and he says well ok. You suffer from generalized anxiety... have you ever tried breathing into a brown paper bag? Explained the technique. Come back in a month and let me know how you are doing. Anyways, I didn’t go back. I just honestly wanted to scream out is that it?? I already know this. I need help. Not that I am above the brown paper bag method but for Pete’s sake I figured I would have got more out of it than that.

So any recommendations would be great be great.
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Old 12-23-2018, 12:47 PM
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I looked for a psychiatrist. Some need a referral, some don't. They can be awfully hard to get into, depending on where you live I guess. They serve an underserved population of patients.

You may get a referral from your regular doctor. That's where I would start. Not medical advice, just my experience.

Best to you.
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Old 12-23-2018, 03:23 PM
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hi and welcome formyself01

well in a way, the psych may not have been that far off...I've had great success with breathing exercises for my anxiety.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...echniques.html (Breathing Techniques)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...techniqes.html (3 Anxiety breathing techniqes)

its not really a quick fix -its something you need to practice a bit but it works for me most times.

Of course, if you're seeing your doctor you could run this problem by them too

D
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Old 12-23-2018, 03:31 PM
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All I can offer is put one foot in front of the other. The days will rack up. Try for a week, then a month. You can do it. I know what you mean about AA. If you are not ready, go one day at a time. Good luck.
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