Back in the saddle again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 10
Back in the saddle again
Hi. I'm trying yet again to get sober from alcohol. I have been in treatment, gone to AA, but always go back to drinking and believing that I can drink in moderation. It's always a lie.
I no longer have confidence that I can quit but I'm going to keep trying. That's all I have.
I no longer have confidence that I can quit but I'm going to keep trying. That's all I have.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR.
A couple lies...that we can drink in moderation is one. And for me it was a lie to even want to drink in moderation. What did moderate drinking ever do for me.
When I finally quit, I stopped the lies. But most importantly, stopped feeling that was I being deprived of something if I couldn't drink. Sobriety isn't about deprivation, it isn't a punishment.
I accepted I was done drinking, and any "lie" from my addiction about drinking was quickly squashed.
Originally Posted by SoberSeamstress 
...always go back to drinking and believing that I can drink in moderation. It's always a lie.
When I finally quit, I stopped the lies. But most importantly, stopped feeling that was I being deprived of something if I couldn't drink. Sobriety isn't about deprivation, it isn't a punishment.
I accepted I was done drinking, and any "lie" from my addiction about drinking was quickly squashed.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome SoberSeamstress - glad you've decided to join the community. You'll find a lot of support and individuals involved in all different forms of recovery here.
I was on the rollercoaster of quitting/drinking for a long, long time myself. Never seemed like I could make it stick as I too would always find an excuse to think it would be OK to just have "a couple". I tried a lot of different recovery programs, "moderation plans" and even made up a few of my own.
The thing that finally set me free was acceptance, and the realization that quitting drinking is entirely a choice that I can make. And in fact, I was the only one who could make that choice...no recovery program/plan/pill/book could "fix" me. Certainly there is great value in the community of recovery, and participating in a organized plan whether it's meetings or self-paced is very helpful. But at the end of the day none of them supercede your ability to choose.
And to clarify what I mean by acceptance, for me it was acceptance of the fact that I simply cannot drink alcohol without accepting all the bad things that go along with it. And also that whatever it is that is different about me in relation to alcohol is something that can never be changed. It is a tough concept to swallow for certain, and it doesn't seem fair that we can't drink like other people - but it's necessary to accept this in my opinion.
I was on the rollercoaster of quitting/drinking for a long, long time myself. Never seemed like I could make it stick as I too would always find an excuse to think it would be OK to just have "a couple". I tried a lot of different recovery programs, "moderation plans" and even made up a few of my own.
The thing that finally set me free was acceptance, and the realization that quitting drinking is entirely a choice that I can make. And in fact, I was the only one who could make that choice...no recovery program/plan/pill/book could "fix" me. Certainly there is great value in the community of recovery, and participating in a organized plan whether it's meetings or self-paced is very helpful. But at the end of the day none of them supercede your ability to choose.
And to clarify what I mean by acceptance, for me it was acceptance of the fact that I simply cannot drink alcohol without accepting all the bad things that go along with it. And also that whatever it is that is different about me in relation to alcohol is something that can never be changed. It is a tough concept to swallow for certain, and it doesn't seem fair that we can't drink like other people - but it's necessary to accept this in my opinion.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 10
Thank you for the replies.
Just feeling so blue because I did something really really bad yesterday while drunk and it was my first run in with the law. The officer could have and should have taken me to jail, but he talked with me and felt sorry for me, told me to get help and let me off with a ticket.
I want to get drunk to block the memory out but that won't help. I just have to face the music.
Just feeling so blue because I did something really really bad yesterday while drunk and it was my first run in with the law. The officer could have and should have taken me to jail, but he talked with me and felt sorry for me, told me to get help and let me off with a ticket.
I want to get drunk to block the memory out but that won't help. I just have to face the music.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by SoberSeamstress
I want to get drunk to block the memory out but that won't help. I just have to face the music.
Whether it's alcohol or any other drug, for most of us our drinking is an attempt to avoid/escape/hide from reality. And reality has ultimate patience - all the problems will be there waiting for us...and usually worse than before we drank/used.
So "facing the music" is a very good way of putting it. Owning our life and taking responsibility for our own actions would be another one. it is defintely not easy to do, and it will be painful both physically and emotionally for a while.....but after time it becomes the norm. And it opens up a whole world that we never had access to when we were drinking.
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