Big holiday work party tonight - was not fun...
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Big holiday work party tonight - was not fun...
It's not always easy, it's not always fun. I had a big holiday work party tonight that I really didn't want to miss. It was both a time for me to meet some important people in my field, and also a chance to catch up with lots of people who I've known professionally and personally for a long time.
I went early and spent about an hour. It was an open bar with lots of food. No one was too drunk by the time I left, but most people had had a few and the atmosphere was getting loose.
Have to admit that it was hard for me. It's not that it was hard for me not to drink. There wasn't even a slight temptation to do so. I didn't like the smell and I had no desire to have any. But I did feel uncomfortable. Whereas a drink or two would have calmed some social nerves, as it does for almost everyone, I felt on edge, a bit nervous and anxious. Going around a room and speaking to everyone, being super social stone cold sober, it just wasn't that easy. I did okay, tried my best. But I also knew that if I had had a couple I would have gotten a little bit more comfortable and wouldn't have had the discomfort and nerves permeating my being.
Anyhow, it's not the biggest deal in the world by any means. And there's plenty of opportunities for me to see people, for both expanding my business and just in social ways. But at the end of the day on my way home I was definitely feeling a little down. It's just not always the easiest thing, this wonderful world of sobriety. And it is wonderful world and I'm grateful for each and every day. But that doesn't mean that it's always easy, nor is it always fun.
I went early and spent about an hour. It was an open bar with lots of food. No one was too drunk by the time I left, but most people had had a few and the atmosphere was getting loose.
Have to admit that it was hard for me. It's not that it was hard for me not to drink. There wasn't even a slight temptation to do so. I didn't like the smell and I had no desire to have any. But I did feel uncomfortable. Whereas a drink or two would have calmed some social nerves, as it does for almost everyone, I felt on edge, a bit nervous and anxious. Going around a room and speaking to everyone, being super social stone cold sober, it just wasn't that easy. I did okay, tried my best. But I also knew that if I had had a couple I would have gotten a little bit more comfortable and wouldn't have had the discomfort and nerves permeating my being.
Anyhow, it's not the biggest deal in the world by any means. And there's plenty of opportunities for me to see people, for both expanding my business and just in social ways. But at the end of the day on my way home I was definitely feeling a little down. It's just not always the easiest thing, this wonderful world of sobriety. And it is wonderful world and I'm grateful for each and every day. But that doesn't mean that it's always easy, nor is it always fun.
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Great story, LG.
I think the AV lies to us and tells us(as do all the alcohol commercials) that we need alcohol to socialize. That we need alcohol to relax. And it is just not true.
It is A marketing LIE!!!
Glad you came through unscathed, but may I suggest that instead of thinking to yourself if you had had alcohol you would’ve been more social Or relaxed…
Tell yourself that you did not need it to socialize or relax
I’m sure you’ve done both over the last several months.
It’s just that our brains don’t know how to handle it at a holiday party because we’ve always masked it under the fog of alcohol and believed and have been brainwashed by all of our commercials and billboards and magazine ads, not to mention friends and business associates banter about how it relaxes them
Just 💩 imho.
Thanks for posting it isn’t always roses, that’s for sure!
I think the AV lies to us and tells us(as do all the alcohol commercials) that we need alcohol to socialize. That we need alcohol to relax. And it is just not true.
It is A marketing LIE!!!
Glad you came through unscathed, but may I suggest that instead of thinking to yourself if you had had alcohol you would’ve been more social Or relaxed…
Tell yourself that you did not need it to socialize or relax
I’m sure you’ve done both over the last several months.
It’s just that our brains don’t know how to handle it at a holiday party because we’ve always masked it under the fog of alcohol and believed and have been brainwashed by all of our commercials and billboards and magazine ads, not to mention friends and business associates banter about how it relaxes them
Just 💩 imho.
Thanks for posting it isn’t always roses, that’s for sure!
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Originally Posted by lessgravity 
It's not that it was hard for me not to drink. There wasn't even a slight temptation to do so. I didn't like the smell and I had no desire to have any.
..................................................
Whereas a drink or two would have calmed some social nerves, as it does for almost everyone, I felt on edge, a bit nervous and anxious. But I also knew that if I had had a couple I would have gotten a little bit more comfortable and wouldn't have had the discomfort and nerves permeating my being.
..................................................
Whereas a drink or two would have calmed some social nerves, as it does for almost everyone, I felt on edge, a bit nervous and anxious. But I also knew that if I had had a couple I would have gotten a little bit more comfortable and wouldn't have had the discomfort and nerves permeating my being.
Both this and your last post about going to the liquor store have some strong AV components that to be honest I think you are kind of ignoring. And you know what...it's perfectly fine to admit that your AV is still barking at you - it's not a sign of weakness nor a failure of your sobriety in any way, just a part of life like you point out.
And the "if I just had a couple thought" is classic, classic AV...we all know what happens when we have a couple right? ;-)
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Hi Less
That is a tough one and it is a situation many of us will be going through this holiday season. I am about a month behind you for sober time and I am doing very well but I have avoided work parties because it is truly all about the drinking at those events where I work. I attended a similar event about a month ago and I ended up feel anxious, tired and strangely detached. I left the party early. After a goods nights sleep I was back on track but I was a little creeped out by my reaction to this situation.
That is a tough one and it is a situation many of us will be going through this holiday season. I am about a month behind you for sober time and I am doing very well but I have avoided work parties because it is truly all about the drinking at those events where I work. I attended a similar event about a month ago and I ended up feel anxious, tired and strangely detached. I left the party early. After a goods nights sleep I was back on track but I was a little creeped out by my reaction to this situation.
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It takes time to learn how to socialise without alcohol or drugs.
I wouldn't call myself a people person at all, but I don't feel that unease that I used to when socialising. I'm still not one for small talk but asking questions of someone else and showing interest in them can go a long way to making both parties feel more relaxed.
Give it time Less - chances are this is not as good as its gonna get
D
I wouldn't call myself a people person at all, but I don't feel that unease that I used to when socialising. I'm still not one for small talk but asking questions of someone else and showing interest in them can go a long way to making both parties feel more relaxed.
Give it time Less - chances are this is not as good as its gonna get
D
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Some similar thoughts as Scott - and one thing that jumped out at me was that you said "but it's not always easy" or similar a number of times. That's tough and true; we all know LIFE isn't. I have had to get away from the expectation that it will be - and like least always says, focus on gratitude. So, for me, "flipping" those "not easy"/"[life, not drinking, whatever] is hard" thoughts to stuff like....being grateful when something does go smoothly (whatever it is), when I feel calm....and re-framing a party where I was agitated into a check, did that, stayed just long enough and now I'm home with my dog. Or whatever.
I know you have been confident and have a strong sense of how you work your program, Less- which is great. And I don't believe in living in fear or always questioning myself. But I do hear a little bit of what Scott picks up on too.
Glad you keep sharing all of it.
I know you have been confident and have a strong sense of how you work your program, Less- which is great. And I don't believe in living in fear or always questioning myself. But I do hear a little bit of what Scott picks up on too.
Glad you keep sharing all of it.
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Love the responses and support. Here's the thing though, it's not marketing in the chemical compound that is in alcohol that causes reactions in our nervous system and brain. And it's not my AV that knows the social interactions I was just a part of are greased and made me fun by drinking. My experience in life has taught me both those things objectively.
My objective experience has also taught me that I cannot drink in my life ever again.
The combination of these objective realities, at times, creates an experience of discomfort. I'm a very social person, but I can also be anxious and self-conscious. Tonight I was off my game. I am no longer part of that world, the people who drink, and it didn't feel all that great. To me I can hold these contradictory thoughts in my head and know at the end of the day that my sober life is the life I was meant to live. Doesn't mean it's not going to be hard and difficult at times but I'm grateful.
My objective experience has also taught me that I cannot drink in my life ever again.
The combination of these objective realities, at times, creates an experience of discomfort. I'm a very social person, but I can also be anxious and self-conscious. Tonight I was off my game. I am no longer part of that world, the people who drink, and it didn't feel all that great. To me I can hold these contradictory thoughts in my head and know at the end of the day that my sober life is the life I was meant to live. Doesn't mean it's not going to be hard and difficult at times but I'm grateful.
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One thing to consider is that there are a lot of things you simply don't need to do as a person in early sobriety. I understand that networking is a part of your job, and if going to the party furthered that goal, great - but there may be other avenues which don't put you in this position, which as you mentioned can be a dicey one.
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Originally Posted by lessgravity
To me I can hold these contradictory thoughts in my head and know at the end of the day that my sober life is the life I was meant to live. Doesn't mean it's not going to be hard and difficult at times but I'm grateful.
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Join Date: Dec 2018
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Glad you made it out okay!
Any time I hear Holiday Paety my skin crawls for us in AA. These functions are always a mess IMO and in my experience. People Who don’t even drink end up getting wasted at these things, people are awkward and then drink 4-5! Drinks. Before you know it they are an inch from your face either wanting to kiss you or kill you. God man! Props to you for coming and going all in tact. I would have flipped the F out!!!
-🐰
-🐰
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LG,
I hope I’m seeing what you’re saying, and if I”m missing it I apologize ahead of time. While I have cultivated a social persona, particularly for work, the truth is that drinking or no I have a lot of social anxiety. I second guess my interactions after the fact, wondering if I sounded dumb, too talkative, whatever. I am fully aware that the reality is no one is paying attention to me, but still that anxiety churns away before, during, and after events.
Alcohol was the lubricant that made that churning stop.
Now sober, I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’m just hardwired that way. I can’t prevent it, so I just try to make sure I don’t make decisions based on an unhealthy worry. Then, after the fact, event, or occasion I make a conscious decision to let it go.
I don’t miss drinking a bit, but I can appreciate that it helped with this particular issue. Being “the sober one” at some events can serve to increase the feeling of being on the outside looking in. A work party like this would have caused me plenty of angst before, during, and after. Kudos for making it through.
And, the very genuine feeling of going to bed sober brings a quiet peace that I value much more than any false feelings of being a social butterfly. In the end, that lubricated comfort was all a lie anyways. Now I’m more true to myself, shortcomings and all.
Heck, look at my post count. I get anxious posting on an anonymous message board. Geez!
-bora
I hope I’m seeing what you’re saying, and if I”m missing it I apologize ahead of time. While I have cultivated a social persona, particularly for work, the truth is that drinking or no I have a lot of social anxiety. I second guess my interactions after the fact, wondering if I sounded dumb, too talkative, whatever. I am fully aware that the reality is no one is paying attention to me, but still that anxiety churns away before, during, and after events.
Alcohol was the lubricant that made that churning stop.
Now sober, I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’m just hardwired that way. I can’t prevent it, so I just try to make sure I don’t make decisions based on an unhealthy worry. Then, after the fact, event, or occasion I make a conscious decision to let it go.
I don’t miss drinking a bit, but I can appreciate that it helped with this particular issue. Being “the sober one” at some events can serve to increase the feeling of being on the outside looking in. A work party like this would have caused me plenty of angst before, during, and after. Kudos for making it through.
And, the very genuine feeling of going to bed sober brings a quiet peace that I value much more than any false feelings of being a social butterfly. In the end, that lubricated comfort was all a lie anyways. Now I’m more true to myself, shortcomings and all.
Heck, look at my post count. I get anxious posting on an anonymous message board. Geez!
-bora
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Good job Less, Yes I find it hard to work a room without my social lubricant . I wish that I could say oh it was a great time and I felt so comfortable and the conversation was great., although sometimes it does feel that.way. The one good thing is that I remember everything I said the next day, so I have that going for me.
We feel what we feel , up , down, confident , shy whatever.;I read your posts , your writing is superb. I’m sure you have the gift of gab and the sober you made a great impression.
I still have scattershot writing and speaking skills but I’m getting better. Peace
We feel what we feel , up , down, confident , shy whatever.;I read your posts , your writing is superb. I’m sure you have the gift of gab and the sober you made a great impression.
I still have scattershot writing and speaking skills but I’m getting better. Peace
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Originally Posted by Jim1958
We had work parties too with alcohol. I was not really tempted. But it was strange. I realized I could drink everybody under the table, but they did not know that. Hang in there.
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I think you are right , marketing is not what makes drinking feel so good, that is chemistry. Existential, empirical experienced objective truth.
Marketing's function isn't 'to get you to do' x,y or z , the function is to get you to do x,y or z using their particular thing.
Dewar's isn't interested in getting people to drink per-say, they are interested in getting people to buy Dewar's , ultimately they would rather you not buy any alcohol products if not theirs , that would only increase the competition's market share making it that much more expensive to market their product.
Marketers- ing know we operate on about a 90%+ emotionally driven level and then almost instantly and nearly seemlessly rationalize all our choices and actions to prove to ourselves, cement our internal confirmation bias, that we in fact act from an intellectually driven stance.
The ultimate trick is to realize our personal objective morality needs to be proactively overridden with rationality . Fear keeps most new/young drivers from rear-ending the vehicle in front of them, knowing the consequences financially, legally, societally ect is what keeps most people from similar actions when an idiot gets in front of the seasoned driver.
Your AV is making you feel your beast's negative emotions toward alcohol deprivation. Social anxiety is a real 'thing' and there are ways to endure or alleviate it, booze as a social lubricant is AV bs. Notice how it only comes into play involving groups of drinkers.
What is telling us that at a social involving booze , a couple would make it easier/more enjoyable? I bet you would feel rather confident and more at general ease knowing that same gathering was structured somehow on a forced abstinence footing. I know part of me would relish knowing I had an edge by virtue of practiced teetotallerness over those who still believe AV bs about social lubricants.
Booze made me feel good, I felt and owned the pleasure of indulging my beast and that made me happy, enough so I barely paid attention to or evaluated my interpersonal interactions.
I'm happy now even with my beast's frustrations. My AV still markets the idea that post 5 pm social gatherings would be better with a couple , but I now realize It says that just because of the couple, the booze, It actually always just said that because of the booze.
It will always find it hard and less happy to not get more booze, I'm happy with that.
You sound like you still own Its unhappiness, you needn't.
Marketing's function isn't 'to get you to do' x,y or z , the function is to get you to do x,y or z using their particular thing.
Dewar's isn't interested in getting people to drink per-say, they are interested in getting people to buy Dewar's , ultimately they would rather you not buy any alcohol products if not theirs , that would only increase the competition's market share making it that much more expensive to market their product.
Marketers- ing know we operate on about a 90%+ emotionally driven level and then almost instantly and nearly seemlessly rationalize all our choices and actions to prove to ourselves, cement our internal confirmation bias, that we in fact act from an intellectually driven stance.
The ultimate trick is to realize our personal objective morality needs to be proactively overridden with rationality . Fear keeps most new/young drivers from rear-ending the vehicle in front of them, knowing the consequences financially, legally, societally ect is what keeps most people from similar actions when an idiot gets in front of the seasoned driver.
Your AV is making you feel your beast's negative emotions toward alcohol deprivation. Social anxiety is a real 'thing' and there are ways to endure or alleviate it, booze as a social lubricant is AV bs. Notice how it only comes into play involving groups of drinkers.
What is telling us that at a social involving booze , a couple would make it easier/more enjoyable? I bet you would feel rather confident and more at general ease knowing that same gathering was structured somehow on a forced abstinence footing. I know part of me would relish knowing I had an edge by virtue of practiced teetotallerness over those who still believe AV bs about social lubricants.
Booze made me feel good, I felt and owned the pleasure of indulging my beast and that made me happy, enough so I barely paid attention to or evaluated my interpersonal interactions.
I'm happy now even with my beast's frustrations. My AV still markets the idea that post 5 pm social gatherings would be better with a couple , but I now realize It says that just because of the couple, the booze, It actually always just said that because of the booze.
It will always find it hard and less happy to not get more booze, I'm happy with that.
You sound like you still own Its unhappiness, you needn't.
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Hi less, Thank you for posting. I have to say you sound a little bit like I did last year at this time. I was about right where you are in sobriety and it was my first holiday season without drinking. Going through it again this year is so different. I am so much stronger. I am having fun with sober life. I am not missing alcohol and I am feeling less anxious and more comfortable with myself as a sober person.
I have had my issues with the second half of this year wanting to drink during periods of stress (unrelated to social issues). But I have stuck it out, come to SR, and despite even increased stress in my life lately, I am feeling less urges. My sobriety is strengthening me!
I see a theme here in your thread from others who have replied that indeed the longer sober time you have, the stronger you will be and the less anxious and more comfortable with yourself and sober living you are likely to feel. Hang in there and be patient with yourself.
Also understand that most humans have at least a little bit of social anxiety and it’s completely normal. That’s why a lot of people drink. I see this reason for alcohol now as a sign of weakness, though. Why can’t people be present for each other even if it sometimes makes us a little uncomfortable with ourselves?
Yes, life isn’t always easy. But staying sober makes being in this life easier in the long run even if you may not feel that way at times.
What August and least said is so true about gratitude. Gratitude is a practice for me and it is part of my daily “program.” It has helped me changed my perspective tremendously. The gratitude forums here at SR are awesome! So much positive energy.
I have had my issues with the second half of this year wanting to drink during periods of stress (unrelated to social issues). But I have stuck it out, come to SR, and despite even increased stress in my life lately, I am feeling less urges. My sobriety is strengthening me!
I see a theme here in your thread from others who have replied that indeed the longer sober time you have, the stronger you will be and the less anxious and more comfortable with yourself and sober living you are likely to feel. Hang in there and be patient with yourself.
Also understand that most humans have at least a little bit of social anxiety and it’s completely normal. That’s why a lot of people drink. I see this reason for alcohol now as a sign of weakness, though. Why can’t people be present for each other even if it sometimes makes us a little uncomfortable with ourselves?
Yes, life isn’t always easy. But staying sober makes being in this life easier in the long run even if you may not feel that way at times.
What August and least said is so true about gratitude. Gratitude is a practice for me and it is part of my daily “program.” It has helped me changed my perspective tremendously. The gratitude forums here at SR are awesome! So much positive energy.
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