labgirl

Hey. Thank you all for your continuing support. Today is our first Sunday without Dad. I stayed with my mom last night and the kids will take it time about until we feel she is on her feet. The memories that rushed into my head while I was there.....it was all I could do not to cry. I want so badly to hold his hand and lay my head on his shoulder and ask "what am I gonna do now Dad? How can I make it through if your not here to talk to or just KNOW you are around?" Who will have my best interest? Who will help me keep my feet on the ground? Pray for me unlike anyone else? Who can I depend on when there is no one else? I feel so lost.
sadly I went too many recent years drunk or hung over when I could have spent them with Dad and Mom. I talked to him about it and he encouraged me to stop. Said i was strong enough to put it down. He was always supportive even though i come from a family of non drinkers. I never felt judged by him.....not ever or in any situation.
i haven't had anything since he passed last Tuesday.

Dad, we're trying to make it but we're all struggling. I think of you all the time. I can still see your face, hear your voice and laugh. I love and miss you so very much I wish that just one more time I could say "see you tomorrow Dad" and it be true.

tursiops999

labgirl, I am so sorry for your loss.

We lost my dad just before Christmas last year, and it really made me feel lost in the world. We had a few weeks warning ... I'm not sure if it makes it easier or harder, but I can only imagine how shocked you must be to have lost him without warning.

My dad was sweet and non-judgmental too, and I miss him dearly.

Grief is a strange and interesting process ... do take good care of yourself and consider grief counseling along the way? It can help so much just to talk it through with people who understand and have been through it.

Staying sober will help you get through your grief too. The way you describe his love and support, I'm guessing your father would dearly want peace and healing and health for you.

Healthyandsober

so very sorry.

labgirl

Well Christmas is over. Im so glad. It was hard to get together as a family and Dad not be there. We got through it and Dad would have wanted it this way. He would have wanted us all together for Christmas. I'm glad we did.
thank you all again for the support you've given me on this thread. You've allowed me a voice for feelings that I couldn't get out otherwise.
i agree grief counseling is likely something i need to consider. Right now its hard to imagine ever feeling anything other than this soul numbing grief.
again, thank you all. God bless and merry Christmas everyone.

Wastinglife

I stayed home alone. I haven't slept well since mom died a month ago. Barely left my apartment but I can't be social right now. Sleeping on sofa watching movies/TV is all I can handle, but therapeutic in weird way. Merry Christmas Labgirl! (although it' not very 'merry' for us).